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  1. #1
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    Default Attachment parenting is a flexible style of parenting

    Recently on the hub there have been many questions about what attachment parenting is and isn't. It seems that many people believe that you have to fit a 'profile' to be an attachment parent and you have to breastfeed, have a natural birth, babywear, co-sleep, and use cloth nappies to belong to the 'group.'

    This isn't true.

    I have been 'practicing' attachment parenting with my almost 3 year old since well the day she was born. I had a medicated birth, she was bottlefed from 2 weeks old and she stopped co-sleeping at 3 months old.

    The point was as an attachment parent I followed her lead. I demand fed even when she was on the bottle. I never used a strict schedule or CC. We use gentle guidance.

    I'd say the only true 'no-nos' with attachment parenting would be controlled crying and discipline methods that shame, humiliate or hurt the child emotionally or physically.

    Attachment parents come from all walks of life. We aren't all feminists, or hippies. Lots of people would probably fit the attachment parenting lifestyle and not even know it!

    Point is to be apart of the attachment parenting club all you have to do is be parenting in a way that is baby-led, takes into consideration the risks vs benefits of our choices, and continues to respect our children's needs as they grow and develop.

    Attachment parenting continues after the baby phase. It goes beyond nappies and baby-led solids. It evolves. After the baby phase it means toilet-training at their pace no quick fix 3-day solutions that can take a child faster then they are ready for. It can mean home-schooling but it can also mean approaching schooling in a way that helps them adjust at their own pace and helps them feel secure. It means dealing with behavioral issues in a way that is well firm but fair and understanding that issues may not be fixed instantly like they would if you used traditional methods such as spanking.

    Attachment parenting older children means allowing them to chose their own subjects of interest and careers without our influence or without pushing.

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    I've heard this before, however, I do have friends who claim that they follow their baby's lead yet have them in a portacot all day, in the pram for extended periods of time, get the babies to feed themselves etc. I don't find that AP at all. I think it's more than that.

    I considered myself very AP when DS was a baby and into toddlerhood. It was more about the connection and bond we had as opposed to me just doing what he wanted (although I did when he was a baby - I do believe babies only cry out because the need something). He was toilet trained within 3 days and I do set boundaries etc for him.

    I like the 7 Baby B's on Dr Sears site, it's very handy at working out what AP is.

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    Great post! I have come across people who seem to think it's strict but it's so far from that. It's about changing with your child's needs and always respecting them

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    I agree with you that leaving your baby in a portacot etc is not attachment parenting.

    For some kids the 3-day method probably would work but I'm guessing it only would if they are ready for it. For us the transition from nappies to toilet was a long one but that was what worked for my DD.

    I guess I'm just tired of hearing that you can only be an attachment parenting if you breastfeed, babywear etc and it's just not the case. To me attachment parenting isn't about what you do but how you do it, iykwim?

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    Yes I agree with you OP, but I think there are some things that just aren't APing, like aggression, intimidation and use violent modes to 'teach' children.

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    Quote Originally Posted by elleandsam View Post
    I guess I'm just tired of hearing that you can only be an attachment parenting if you breastfeed, babywear etc and it's just not the case. To me attachment parenting isn't about what you do but how you do it, iykwim?
    I do think, to an extent, the baby must be literally 'attached' to the mother in some ways for it to be AP but I do agree with you, bonding after the birth doesn't have to mean it was a VB and the baby is breastfed. You can still have the unique bond without those things.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alexander Beetle View Post
    Yes I agree with you OP, but I think there are some things that just aren't APing, like aggression, intimidation and use violent modes to 'teach' children.
    Absolutely!!

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    Thank you Elleandsam. I consider myself to fit on the AP end of the spectrum, however didn't baby wear as much as I would have liked (DS cried in the hugabub) and we couldn't bed share as DH is a smoker (then later when we tried DS hated it) but we did room share.

    I agree that AP isn't what you do, it's how you do it! I've always put DS' emotional and physical needs first and foremost, that to me is AP.

  10. #8
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    I say this all the time on here, but it really is a frame of mind. It's not about what you do, which tools you use and there definitely aren't any 'rules'.

    I love this article and I completely relate to it: There is No Doctrine for Attachment Parenting: Being AP is a Frame of Mind!

    Especially this part:

    An AP parent is one who wholeheartedly believes that children are inherently good and that by fostering an atmosphere of complete trust and intimacy, a bond is created that provides those children with the foundation and security to become their best selves. It really has little to do with the tools we use to be Attachment parents. All that is important to qualify us to be an Attachment Parent is simply that we parent from an Attachment Parenting frame of mind.

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    I agree so much!

    I made a thread the other day asking what people thought AP is after seeing the Ambassador for AP commending a parents use of violence, humiliation and intimidation with his daughter. As that definitely doesn't fit with the basic ideas of AP.

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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    I agree so much!

    I made a thread the other day asking what people thought AP is after seeing the Ambassador for AP commending a parents use of violence, humiliation and intimidation with his daughter. As that definitely doesn't fit with the basic ideas of AP.
    Yes, I found that very, very concerning.


 

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