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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2012

    Default Where to start? Separation

    My DH, who I love dearly, doesn't feel the same about me anymore.

    The time has come for me to realize I am better off without him. He uses online dating sites, doesn't want to be intimate with me, I no longer trust him, and within the space of a month he seems to have turned into someone I don't know. That all sounds terrible but i am struggling to work out how to get over him and separate.

    Currently I am staying interstate with family and DS, only been here a week. This was meant to be some time apart to see what he wants but I think I have to make a choice for me and our son. Separating will be so messy. I am on mat leave, we have multiple mortgages and property, everything is joint. I won't be able to afford to pay any of these without DH, I have no income, no family or support where we live.

    I would like to move interstate to be with my family, would that be possible? I don't know how I'd cope otherwise.

    I love DH so much, I hate the thought of this but I think the time has come. I'm not sure what I'm asking, I guess I just don't know where to start, where to go from here.

    Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    The Mad House
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Past Moderator - Thank you

    I'm sure someone will be along with some wise words for you, but couldn't not post and send you some hugs

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I'm so sorry your having to I through this
    I also don't have much advice but lots of sent your way

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    I'm not advising you to separate from your husband, only you can make that decision for yourself...but I can share with you my experience of falling in love with a wonderful man who did leave his wife 4 years ago and we are now pregnant with our first. He already has 2 kids.
    They were married for 10 years and at least the last 5 were miserable and the 5 before that were ok, but not always happy. He stuck with the marriage longer because they had 2 small children. In the end, she asked for a divorce. In hindsight, they should have separated earlier. The kids would have been young, but they wouldn;t have known any different. Both partners may have been happier earlier on. Now that we have met, he regrets not making the decision earlier because our relationship is so happy.
    As for money, your husband has a legal responsibility to support you partially because they are his kids. You will get some money from the Gov for being a single parent. You may need to make the tough decision to return to work, as it will still be tough financially.
    Moving interstate to be with your family sounds like sanity for you, but remember that it is still important for your children to have a bond with their Dad and it is both your responsibilities to make that happen.
    If you decide to separate permanently, don't be stubborn about money and try and avoid going to court. Try and get mediators to help you both through this horrifically tough time and avoid expensive lawyers fees. Remember houses are just assets (liabilities) and if you have to sell to start fresh, it won't ruin your life, it will just be a challenge. It is possibly going to be one of the toughest years of your life, but if you work to make decisions based on what makes you happy, then you will ultimately choose the right path. Good luck


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