Sorry for the long post...
I know this will sound negative, which I regret, as DD is everything to me and makes me so happy. But she is incredibly high needs and on days like today it is hard to deal with.
She is 4 months now, and almost every time I try to get out of the house in the day she gets either tired, bored or overstimulated, resulting in fussing and ultimately, crying. I am a first time Mum who is new to this area, so have joined a Mothers' group and Mums and Bubs activity classes, but every time I end up having to leave halfway through, or worse 20 minutes in because she has enough and cries.
Even going for a walk just me and her she only seems to tolerate 25 minutes or so, then makes it clear she's had enough and tries to throw herself out of the carrier backwards! She will only go about the same length of time in the pram. Unless she's very tired, in which case she will fall asleep for one sleep cycle. 33 minutes exactly She would never fall asleep if I'm out at a group etc as it's too stimulating for her.
I don't have any family here or anyone I feel confident to babysit her. Even when she's been with the grandparents (they don't live nearby anyway) being held or when they visited and babysat for a few hours she always gets distressed/refuses to sleep for them/gets overtired or wants to come back to me.
Today I am also sleep deprived as she still wakes up multiple times a night. Bedsharing with her has been the only way I can get a half decent amount of sleep some of the time. She is also up at 4am every day. Most days I do get enough sleep to get by though.
So for people with babies like this (if there are any others out there!) how do/did you manage to get out of the house and have even a tiny social life when your baby behaved like this? I know she's only very little still and I don't expect to be able to be out on the town every day, but both me and her go crazy couped up inside all day. Help?!
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10-02-2012 15:59 #1
High needs baby-how do you cope?!
10-02-2012 16:03 #2
It is very very hard.
Have you read "The Fussy Baby Book" by Dr Bill and Martha Sears? It's very good.
My 4th son was like this. Is there anything that calms her? baths or showers? could her discomfort be medical, could it be reflux or some other condition making her uncomfortable?
I don't have any advice...... I just had to wear him, feed him and try to ride it out without going crazy... (although, and I don't mean to scare you... but the constant crying did give my DH a break down.)
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10-02-2012 19:27 #3Bubhub Ambassador - tongue in cheek
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- Jul 2010
you have described my DD to a T!! (except she's 20 months old now )
Firstly I would recommend you get a baby sling and carry her while you are getting ready to leave (to go anywhere). I swear my DD could ALWAYS tell (and still can) when i was 'in a rush' and didnt have time for her which always made her act up worse!
Also, even though she will only tolerate 20 mins at mums group, or 25 mins in the pram, that is still a great 20 mins for YOU to get out and enjoy yourself! Dont stop going, even though she insists on cutting it short every time
every single lunch/coffee outting i went on when DD was little was ALWAYS cut short because of her feral mood. I always went home feeling cranky and like my baby was the only (and most) difficult baby to exist. It made me feel like it wasnt worth going, but when i did stop going out with her, i realised that that 20 minutes was so much better then not at all. As you said, it gets very isolating at home on your own
if she makes a fuss at mums group or on walks, have you considered picking her up (or putting her in a sling) and taking her outside for a few minutes and just holding her? Sometimes 5 mins is all it take for them to switch moods at that age.
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10-02-2012 19:33 #4
I don't want to worry you but I had a baby like that and it turned out she was hungry. Are you confident she's getting enough milk?
I have so much empathy for you. It's just not fair when everyone else's baby seems so contented. My carrier was my saviour and I would often put a muslin wrap over the top of her head until she feel asleep so she couldn't see and be stimulated.
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10-02-2012 19:47 #5Member
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- Mar 2011
Oh hun - I feel your pain. My eldest daughter (now almost 5) was just the same and I honestly thought I was going to lose my mind with her.
She cried... ALL. THE. TIME. Actually - not just cried, but screaming, screeching, squealing cried. I love her. But she drove me mental.
While not a cheap purchase, we bought a swing in the end, as this really helped sooth her (and for the most part - nothing else did). I was also very anti-dummy - but in the end gave in and the sucking seemed to help her too. I believe she had colic - like OJandME said, have you maybe talked to the GP about that or reflux or the like??
I agree with the above though - do not stop going to the groups and social things.... You need time out of the house for your own sanity or you might end up feeling resentful.
Not sure I've helped - but know you're not alone and that it DOES get better
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10-02-2012 20:31 #6
It really does get better.
My ds screamed most of the day & night, when he wasn't feeding. That's what it seemed like anyway (he had reflux). I struggled to get out, but I actually found he was better out & about than at home and I was happier to not be staring at the 4 walls & listening to a screaming baby.
My M&CHN recommended trying to reduce outings to once every 2 days, rather than every day and I found that really helped with the overstimulation. He screamed SO much more if he was overstimulated. So, we planned outings with a 'day off' in between, where at all possible.
A swing was a fantastic thing for us too! We got one when our ds was 4 months old and it made a massive difference. We used it from day 1 with our dd and wow, it made the early days so much easier!
And I'm a big fan of wrapping (I use a Woombie for my dd) cause it helps bubs feel secure and it's a great way to teach a sleep association. I also recommend a dummy if possible. Both might help you get her to sleep when you're out at Mum's group/etc.
Remember that sleep breeds sleep, so try & get her to sleep by any means possible whenever you can (which you probably do already). An overtired baby is a seriously grumpy baby. Sometimes that's unavoidable, but if bubs gets tired, then work hard on allowing bubs to sleep as much as possible for the next day or so.
It really does get better from here on in though. Really it does.
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10-02-2012 21:14 #7
Thank you so much for the support. It really helps to hear that DD is not the only one like this! All the other babies at my Mothers group are so calm and quiet, and at Mums and Bubs yoga I have seen other babies go to sleep on the floor :S But not this one!
Actually at home she really doesn't cry that much anymore as DP and I have learnt over time how to handle her better, and we know what she likes and there is more stuff here to distract her with. It's mainly when I'm out that I find her hard to handle, and also when other people are round at my house she sometimes plays up too. I think it's harder when I'm out as I can't focus on her 100% (say if I'm at a cafe etc.).
10-02-2012 21:15 #8
I don't think there is anything medically wrong as she is more settled at home. I definitely have wondered in the past if there was, and have checked with the GP, but she is a healthy weight, great skin, bright eyes, good amount of nappies. She possibly has/had a little reflux as used to vomit a fair bit, but since I gave up caffeine it doesn't happen much anymore, and tbh the vomiting never seemed to bother her. I just think that when we're out my focus is more on other things/people and I can't settle her in the same way I would at home.
I'm very sorry to hear about your DH's breakdown. I can see how it would be so easy to happen. I hope he is ok now
10-02-2012 21:20 #9
Thanks for the suggestion about wearing her when I get ready to go out. I am often rushed as I try to time her naps perfectly to finish just before we leave the house, in the hope that it will give me a bit longer out!
I have been seriously considering pulling out of Mothers group this week as I felt like my baby was the only one like this, but thank you for saying I should keep it up. You are right that even a short time is better than none so I will give it a go for a bit longer. It is still better than sitting in the house for longer and her getting bored there.
10-02-2012 21:25 #10
Thank you for the reply and for understanding
I'm not worried about her weight (anymore) as she is 97th percentile and has cute chunky thighs I did actually have issues breastfeeding for the first 3 weeks after she was born. She lost a lot of weight and I comp fed till she was 7 weeks old. That definitely was the cause of a lot of crying in the early weeks, but I'm happy to say that she's caught up now and is very satisfied after feeds and we were able to drop the comp feeds.
Last edited by rosycheeks; 10-02-2012 at 21:26. Reason: Hadn't included quote
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