+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    5,879
    Thanks
    992
    Thanked
    3,344
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Single for over a year now...

    So I have been single for 14 months - although really I'd say it's been 16 months as the last 2 months we were still together he had completely checked out.

    Anyway it got me thinking - I still haven't gone on a date - not had anyone seriously in my sights and I'm not really looking for anyone either.

    Everyone keeps saying I will meet someone when I least expect it and if he's the right guy I'll be open to it - But I'm just not sure I have it in me to be in a relationship again. I need something part-time .... someone to hang with a bit but never live with or get too emotionally involved with.... Even someone who I see just when I don't have my kids.

    I think I'm a little closed off to letting anyone get to know me again or to feel anything real with.... do you think this is normal?? Does the feeling really pass?? Do you end up wanting to share your life with someone again?? I honestly can't imagine it...

  2. #2
    Ana Gram's Avatar
    Ana Gram is offline 2008 WINNER - straight shooter award
    Winner 2008 & 2009 - Community Minded thread
    Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most passionate member
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    18,597
    Thanks
    1,028
    Thanked
    3,125
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    I'm probably not the best person to answer this question as I have been single for over 5 years. I have no interest in having a partner and I do get a bit annoyed when people press the point because they make me question myself, which is about the time I end up in relationships I don't want to be in.

    if you are not feeling it right now, don't rush it. You might just need more time for you.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Ana Gram For This Useful Post:

    Idonttrustjelly  (16-02-2012)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Wishart, Qld
    Posts
    694
    Thanks
    28
    Thanked
    46
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    my own experience is this (single 2 years now)...

    I went on a few online dating sites and I must say that was terrible... there really are some horrible seedy little men out there (one even asked me 'hey what's your size?' ugh!)..

    I did meet a guy though online and we had heaps in common (although he had 4 children from a previous marriage).. lovely guy, we chatted online for about 6 months before we met. He was a really nice guy but personally I found him reallly insecure and nervous. We would order food and he couldn't even order properly (I'll just have what she's having).. I was pretty much driving the relationship. I wasn't sure where we were going with things... I kept telling myself 'just give things a chance'.. we got on really well but his nervous were just a huge problem...also that he had such a complicated life with 4 very young children - and it really bothered me that his wife left him (why?)... I let him stay over one night a few months after meeting and that was the first time he met my kids but I didn't feel very comfortable about all that.. in the morning I just wanted him to go away tbh.. I wanted my house back, my space back..he was kinda clingy I realised and that's when I knew this was going nowhere. I was way too needy.

    I told him to just give me a few days to cool down.. to miss him a bit because I was feeling a bit claustrophibic about our relationship.. I was pretty firm and said please don't text or email me till wednesday we'll talk then.. the next day he sent a huge text.. he just couldn't stop himself.. I knew that was it.. I just couldn't be doing with needy.. I ended it but he sort of was amazed and just sent me massive long long emails saying 'he'd done everything wrong and was a fool' etc. etc.. this sort confirmed he had 'needy' problems and very low self-confidence which is a massive turn off for me. that was over 6 months ago and he still sent me a text at new year saying he missed me.. wtf?? get over it!!! I seem to draw crazy men to me like a magnet although I was proud of myself I listened to the 'voices' in my head saying run a mile (which I didn't with my exhusband).

    since then I really have been too scared to date again.. there isn't anywhere to meet men other than online and that is a terrible idea.. nearly every man on there was lying about himself (one even asked me if I could be a mistress for his friend who was bored in his marriage!).. yuck!! just deadbeats online so I would really steer clear.

    I'd love to meet somebody and like you say just have a part-time thing every now and again but the more I think about it - at 40 I'm pretty set in my ways and me and the kids have a routine going.. so unless a guy is childless (I can't handle any other kids) and has some pretty good reasons why he's single at 40+ and can fit into our lives without too much stress then it's not worth the bother frankly.. I don't think that guy exsists.

    maybe when my kids are older I'll meet somebody...I've even considered dating a much older man (weird I know) but I'm looking for maturity and somebody I can rely on rather than have a mother-child relationship again!

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    5,879
    Thanks
    992
    Thanked
    3,344
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Yeah i think you're right ... I'm really enjoying my independence and I actually enjoy my own company.

    It probably doesn't help that most single men I meet are either really immature or just pricks in love with themselves... I'm sure if I met a real guy - who was funny and easy to be around it might change my opinion.

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Theboys&me For This Useful Post:

    laurea  (19-02-2012),MilkingMaid  (15-02-2012)

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Posts
    5,879
    Thanks
    992
    Thanked
    3,344
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Thanks for sharing your story!!! I'd feel the same ... I couldn't do needy!! I think I just need someone who has their own life and I have mine and then we can share time together maybe?? I really don't want someone in my pocket or expectations ... Life is easy at the moment and I think it's because I'm holding the wheel on my own!!

    I'm definitely staying away from Internet dating - it feels like applying for a job - which is exactly what I don't want in a relationship!! Haha

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Theboys&me For This Useful Post:

    laurea  (19-02-2012)

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    1,500
    Thanks
    281
    Thanked
    267
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I'm glad I'm not too weird because I feel exactly the same, esp. re the "part time" idea. One hurdle I come across is that guys seem to assume that I will instantly want a massive long-term commitment from them, when in reality I can't think of anything worse

    I can't imagine being with someone in a serious capacity unless they were PERFECT, likewise I'm tired of one night stands...had a few since the final split...just want something in between.

    Guys my age are too immature, older ones are too desperate, single dads make me think "What did you do to wreck your family unit?" (thanks Ex), and so on. It's not easy to find the balance when it comes to men!

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to MermaidSister For This Useful Post:

    laurea  (19-02-2012)

  11. #7
    MilkingMaid's Avatar
    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
    Question those who don't question authority
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    9,661
    Thanks
    3,788
    Thanked
    2,144
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Yep, I'm the same. If I found a guy I was interested in, It'd be a separate relationship where he maintained his own place, and my life with my boys was separate. I'd just enjoy someone to go out with and have fun now and then, definitley not a substitute parent for my boys...

    I"m 2.5 yrs single, and my thinking has evolved from "I hate all men forever" to my current thinking...

    Follow your gut, trust your instincts, don't let others try to push their views onto you...

  12. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Gold Coast
    Posts
    2,302
    Thanks
    1,824
    Thanked
    237
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Ah refreshing to hear I'm not only person of this thinking.
    My ex-dh & I seperated when our DS was 8 weeks old in 2009. Since then I've had two relationships & dated a couple guys. The last relationship I had he broke my heart, I thought I found a great guy to share my life with. But he has a lot of issues to deal with & he has a few but he doesn't love me. So after I got over that I dated a couple guys from online dating websites, but I just don't feel anything there, chemistry & romantic wise.
    I'm actually too concerned about finding another guy so I can have another child & I have high standards that the guy needs to hold. I've leant from my ex-dh about what I really want in a partner.
    I also am a very strong & independant woman & I don't need a man in my life. The guy would have to be of similar attributes & not be needy.
    So I've decided to not go actively looking & leaving it up to the universe. If I meet someone special then that's great. If I don't, I'm fine with that too.
    I've also decided that if in 2-3 yrs time I'm not pregnant or had another child I will do so by sperm donor. I just see that as the strongest thing (having another child) i want next in my life, so I will make that happen.
    Now that I've decided that is my plan I feel very content & happy in myself & my life. I don't have much to complain about so I'm also thankful with how my life is turning out. So I'm happy being a single woman & mother

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to PurpleButterfly4 For This Useful Post:

    Bluest Blue Box  (19-02-2012)

  14. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,277
    Thanks
    3,305
    Thanked
    466
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I don't know hun. I feel exactly the same as you right now. And a part of me hopes i never get to a point where i think i want anything more than something part time because each time i have i have come to regret it.

    Then there is that 'some day' part of me who imagines a future where i am with a really great guy who's like my best friend (and really sexy ).
    But ehh i'm pretty sure he doesn't exist. And until (or unless he does) i prefer to keep out of trouble= stay single.

    Being a single mum i really struggle with the idea of introducing a man into the lives of my children. To them this would be like just some random guy that they will suddenly have to share their mum with.
    The thought of it makes me feel sad and guilty. And i think trying to juggle all that i have to do to take care of them between focussing my energy on a partner allthough not impossible would be quite stressful at times. So i don't know maybe later. But maybe never. Either way i am ok with that. What is meant to be will be.

  15. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,277
    Thanks
    3,305
    Thanked
    466
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Theboys&me View Post
    Yeah i think you're right ... I'm really enjoying my independence and I actually enjoy my own company.

    It probably doesn't help that most single men I meet are either really immature or just pricks in love with themselves... I'm sure if I met a real guy - who was funny and easy to be around it might change my opinion.
    Hahahahahaha!! Ohh i can relate


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 11
    Last Post: 29-12-2012, 07:02
  2. Replies: 10
    Last Post: 27-11-2012, 14:24
  3. Single 22 year old lesbian searching for sperm donor
    By Ready2Bmummy in forum Same Sex Parents
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 21-03-2012, 08:50

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
GymbaROOGymbaROO offers activities for babies & toddlers in a fun learning centre, focussing on developmental education. ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›