Gee, I don't even know where to start.
I separated in October, lived with my folks for a couple of months (with DS), then moved in with a GF until she took off to Perth and I then took over her lease... Now for the FIRST time since I separated, I am actually alone (in the physical sense, when my DS is with his dad) and I am not coping.
We more or less have 50/50 care of our DS, he spends 4 nights with me and then 4 nights with his dad.
When he isn't here with me I cannot shake the pain. This incredible pain in my heart. I've never experienced anything like it and wouldn't wish it on ANYONE! I just can't get passed the fact that as a mummy I'm meant to be able to wake up and cuddle my little boy 365 days a year!
Reality is, this type of situation happens to people everyday. I just don't know how to cope.
I started back at work again yesterday, that helped cos it filled in some hours... And I am also seeing a counsellor. I'm not sleeping, I go through stages of not eating and then totally binging.
How did you do it? When I had my beautiful boy, I didn't expect to be a part time mummy and I don't like it. It feels as though I left a horrible and abusive marriage to make our lives better and in many ways life is better, but in this way life is sooooo hard. I don't want to cry myself to sleep any more....
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08-02-2012 07:31 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
Not really coping...
08-02-2012 09:12 #2
oh darl, I'm not in your situation at all. I just wanted to send you some great big hugs . Your post nearly made me cry, you sound so sad. I hope someone has some advice for you on how to get to a happier place.
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08-02-2012 09:22 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way. My ex & I split initially when my son was 12 months old. He only had him 1 night a week and that was hard enough! We never went down the 50/50 path. How is your son coping with the 50/50 split? Could you negotiate to get an extra night with him? All I can say is continue with the counsellor. Things are still raw for you. Find something you really enjoy doing in the time you are on your own so you look forward to it instead of dreading it. Hugs!
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08-02-2012 09:42 #4
Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. We went down the 50/50 path as well and I found it SO SO difficult. I spent so much time depressed/crying and ended up seeing a psychologist. Every time I would go out and see someone with kids the same age as mine it would be like a knife through the heart.
Anyway, it has been over a year for me and I find I am not pining for them as much anymore, and starting to enjoy the time to myself. I still find lots of things difficult when it comes to co-parenting, but the actual pain of missing them has improved quite a lot.
How is your DS coping with it? Do you have anything to keep you busy on those days/nights?
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09-02-2012 10:37 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
Thank you all so much for your replies...
It's so nice to have a forum to let all of this hurt, sadness and heart ache out to.
Fortunately, in answer to your questions re; my DS, he is coping really really well. He knows when it's swap over day and he's always excited to be going off to see his dad or coming home to me. I am very blessed he's adapted so well. And to a degree, it does lessen the sadness slightly, knowing my DS is safe, happy and secure. He's living in two content, tension free homes now and if anything, he's a changed little boy. He's so happy!
I guess I will grow accustomed to it eventually. Money has been that tight at the moment too, having had to start all over again, so that's probably hightened the depressed state.
I will definitely continue with the counselling, because I truly believe it does me good.
Again, thank you all so much, your replies brought tears to my eyes knowing people who don't even know me care. You're all beautiful xxx
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