I was talking to DH about smacking and i was saying how I hate it and how we wont EVER be smacking our kids (this was after i had a big melt down remembering my childhood and how i was treated)
well, he seems to think that smacking is fine and "it never hurt him as a kid". I said to him he wont be smacking our kids, and he said "well don't let me discipline them then, cos he will be smacking them"....i then said to him if he smacks our kids im outa there, then he starts yelling (and swearing) at me and saying how im not going to be able to control our kids and that im stupid for thinking that other forms of discipline will work on a kid who is having a tantrum and screaming the house down. what the hell, he knows how i feel about it, i broke down into tears in front of him and it went from tears to crying so hard i could not breathe, how could he think that its ok, he wont only be hurting our kids... he will be hurting me too and i dont think that is ok.
the fact of the matter is, that it hurts me so much to even think about our kids being smacked. i dont know what to do about it, i have tried reasoning with him. i have tried telling him how it makes me feel, i have tried telling him other means of discipline but he just wont take it. i just cannot get it through to him how much it upsets me (even after crying and yelling about what happened to me as a kid/ teen)
he demonstrated on me how hard/ soft it would be (using the back of my hand) but to tell you the truth i was terrified when he did it, i was scared of my husband when he did that (thats not how it should be)
there was more to it than that but im upset so will leave it as that.
what do i do.
please dont take any of what i say out of context, it relates to me personally and i am in no way saying anything against parents who smack (because thats your choice) i am in desperate need of help on how to deal with my sitauation... nothing else. cheers.
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05-02-2012 00:18 #1-
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
BIG difference of opinion... how the heck do i get past it... really need help!
05-02-2012 04:46 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
Wow, i swear that could have been a scene taken straight from my house! I have had that argument soooo many times with DH (along with the hyper crying lol) We already have 2 children (2 & 5) and DH works FIFO so its been hard to get on the same level with him away so much. I wouldnt stress about it too much though. DH may have these uncompromising veiws during our fights, but rarely resorts to smacking in reality. For the last two years i have been battling DH's refusal to even consider alternative methods of disipline, but eventually he is starting to come around after seeing my way work better than his hand. Men are stubborn though, and even when they suspect you are right they will still hold firm that they are completely justified.Im sorry that you have such bad feelings from your experiences as a child. By all rights your DH should realise how badly it affects you and try to be more reasonable. Unfortunately, genectics means he probably is missing that perceptiveness that would shoe him that (again a man thing). I say try not to stress too much about it and reasess once bub is around and his daddy instincts may kick in enough for you to make some headway. Sorry i couldnt help more and goodluck P.S. I was never against smacking, and don't hold it against anyone who does, if it works for them. My change of veiw was solely a result of discovering that smacking only made my kids worse.
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05-02-2012 11:39 #3
That's awful! Yes it's true that there are plenty of people that turned out fine despite being smacked, and maybe it would be fine for your kids. But it's clearly in no way ok for you, and that's what's important here! I hope your DH can realise how traumatic it is for you and respect you and your children enough to change his mind. Which I'm sure he will, when he learns more about other ways of disciplining children.I don't know how he can say that smacking causes no damage when there is clearly evidence right in front of him that it can!Feeling afraid of your husband smacking (hitting) you must have been so horrible, I'm so sorry you experienced this. I think you have every right to feel upset by this, I really hope he realises this soon and changes his mind.oh and I just realised I only gave support and no practical advice! It seems like he believes in smacking because he doesn't know any effective alternatives and didn't have any bad experiences himself, so I would be trying to educate yourself as much as possible on other ways of disciplining, maybe find some studies that have been done where they've directly studied the effects of different methods of discipline on children that you can gently bring up with you DH.
Last edited by deku; 05-02-2012 at 11:49.
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