So XH is being really difficult and we're going to end up in court over custody and such.
Mediation is the first step though and I know we're not going to agree. Can you guys please shed some light on what actually happens at mediation and what I can expect?
I want my dad to go in with me cos I'm sure I read that you're allowed a support person so long as the mediator and other party agree to it. What happens if XH refuses to allow my dad in the room for the session? I can't face him alone, he intimidates me so much.
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04-02-2012 20:45 #1
Talk to me about mediation..........please?
04-02-2012 20:54 #2
Thanks. He wants to force me to move back to the town we lived in which is an hour away and he wants shared custody of the kids. I'm not moving back there, end of story.
When you say it won't look good for either of us if we can't get along, do you mean if we can't agree?
04-02-2012 20:55 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
You can not be in the same room if you feel too intimidated. They can talk to you and then talk to your ex and go back and forth.
They did this with my friend as they had a restraining order against each other and this ended up happening with my DP and his ex. They started in the same room but she pulled a girl trick and cried and said it was too stressful seeing him so he had to leave the room. Guess she couldn't take listening to what a horrible person she is haha.
Best of luck!
PS - mediation also gives you access to a free lawyer too so that might help you in trying to do the parenting plan. In our case we *still* don't have a solid plan in place but birth mother generally follows the 'rules'.
04-02-2012 20:58 #4
04-02-2012 21:02 #5
My ex and I did it over the phone as we live 3 hours apart and before we did it we both had to have a phone interview giving background of our relationship, was he abusive, how did it end etc. So if you mention in that interview that you'd prefer to do it over the phone I'm sure thy will let you. We didn't even speak to each other, the actual mediator went back and forth between me and him so it was all very civil. I had legal aid but wasn't allowed to have anyone else in the room with me, my legal aid solicitor was really nice an supportive which was good.
Not sure if ive helped at all, its a bit of a stressful process so good luck!!
04-02-2012 21:08 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
It only went on for 20mins or so as BM cracked it, told everyone to eff off and stormed out. Apparently the mediator was like wtf! Needless to say we received our third certificate for attempting mediation but having it canceled by other party.
In my friends case it went on for awhile but they came to an agreement.
Not sure if your dad could be there, you'd need to check with them. Sorry!
04-02-2012 21:09 #7
I've been told that I probably won't get legal aid because we own a house together. The thing that we won't agree on is that he wants me to move back (eventhough he told me to take the boys and go) and he wants shared custody. If he has shared custody, he'd have the boys at daycare and before school care at 7am and wouldn't pick them up until 5-6pm - when would he help with homework or even get quality time with them? He can get called out to work at all hours of the day or night, who will he leave them with then? I just don't see how it'd work and I won't move back there. I have no support whatsoever and have begged him to move here for years and years.
04-02-2012 21:12 #8mama bear
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
- In an apartment
i did mediation face to face with fob and two mediators (one male, one female)
we have had 2 sessions and im pretty sure i need to book a third
as others have said, they did initial screening over the phone to see that mediation was what we needed.
at the end of the sessions we both got a printout of the parenting plan that we had agreed on.
next time i will be pushing to have the parenting plan made into a consent order
04-02-2012 21:15 #9
so it's not just one session and then that's it? You have to have multiple sessions? I think XH is only going thru the motions to get a certificate so he can take me to court.
04-02-2012 21:16 #10
Yeah I honestly don't think he would be able to make you move back, I'm actually worried my ex is going to try to get me to as he has mentioned it a few times recently, but surely they couldn't force us to live somewhere without any family or a job etc.
Friends have said that the law is on my side as I'm her mother and I've looked after her since birth but I always worry anyway!
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