My 5.5 yo DS is really hard work. He has a lot of problems dealing with his emotions. In particularly anger and frustration. He has a complete meltdown when he is told no, can't do something or gets cross with someone. He screams, yells, throws things then usually ends up crying. I try to calmly talk to him but he hates it an pushes me away. I have tried time outs, taking things away etc when he behaves badly but it makes no difference.
Today has been an extra tiring day as he has been grumpy and aggressive all day. I seriously think there is something wrong with him and think he should see someone but I don't know where to start. He has maturity and social behaviour problems as well which was picked up in kindy and he had some occupational therapy but it made no difference.
I have to tread carefully all day with him and be careful when I see him heading towards a meltdown. My husband can't understand why I am trying to talk to him etc and get him to express how he feels with words and just thinks he needs a firm hand (which I am against).
Any thought, ideas or help appreciated
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04-02-2012 19:30 #1
5.5 yo can't deal with emotions
04-02-2012 19:38 #2mama bear
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do you have access to a childrens counsellor? or can his kindy or doctor recommend anyone that he could see?
04-02-2012 19:40 #3
I have no advice but lots of (((hugs)))
I'll be interested in the replies as the 5.5 year old boy i nanny is exactly the same ... It just doesn't seem right, he's so angry and aggressive and I constantly walk on egg shells around him, so do the rest of his family ... He's very violent as well ...
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05-02-2012 16:19 #4
wow i could have written the same about my 5.5 yr old DD.
Alex (DD) is diagnosed Autistic as she's behind across the board. This yr she started prep in a special ed class and she is really struggling. every day shes in trouble for violent behaviour and meltdowns.
Im seeing a child psych, ot (for social and motor skills), speech (for speech delay) and physio for gross motor.
I'd recommend speaking to a child psych.
Im also seeing DD's pead towards the end of the month to discuss medication She's a danger to herself and everyone around her
05-02-2012 16:31 #5
My first thought was autism - but my DS has autism so it is often on my mind! But I could relate to a lot of your post. With my DS there is a difference between when he has a tantrum (cos he can't have a cookie etc) and a meltdown where he is actually very distressed. It can be hard to tell because sometimes it looks like he is cracking it because he is not getting his own way but often with his meltdowns it is because something didnt happen the way he expected. And he is heavily reliant on predictablity, routine and consistency.
At this age, your child should be past 'terrible twos' and tantrums, I would see a paed. It can't hurt in any case, and just see if there is anything causing this behaviour or better ways to deal with him.
One thing i do with my son (which doesnt always work - he definitely still has meltdowns) is to teach him about his feelings. Sometimes a lot of the meltdown is because he is overwhelmed and frustrated. We have books in the 'when im feeling...' range that include happy, sad, angry, jealous etc. And we read those and give examples about how those feelings relate to us. I try to teach my kids that it is okay to feel angry but it is not okay to hurt other people/break things etc because you are angry. And the best way to deal with anger is to tell someone you trust about why you are feeling angry (ie. me/kinder teacher etc).
When my son has a meltdown, he often goes and lies on his bed and screams. I leave him for a bit (like maybe 30 seconds) and hug him (if he wants) or just sit there, and calm him down before trying to talk to him about what has upset him and what he can maybe do next time.
I definitely dont hold all or any of the answers but couldnt read and not reply as i really can relate to your post.
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05-02-2012 18:47 #6
Yeah i agree with ComeBackKid. I know Alex loses it because she cant control a situation.
05-02-2012 20:56 #7
Have you looked into food intolerances?
My dd was having behavioral issues. Since intolerance testing and changing her diet her behavior has improved dramatically. We very rarely get meltdowns now - only if she eats something on her 'bad list'.
Just another avenue you may like to consider - it's definitely made a difference for us
11-02-2012 20:19 #8
abiishu how do you get tested for an intolerance?
Today was a hard day, meltdown all day. I have tried talking to him about how he feels and the appropriate way to express anger but he just can't listen and continues to scream, thrash, throw things etc. I want to help him but I just don't know how
I think I will make an appointment to see his pediatrician
11-02-2012 23:49 #9
Please read "Kids, Parents and Power Struggles' by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.
it's very good at looks at this problem.
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