Thanks guys - ahh im just annoyed that i put my ego before my marriage and my ethics you know what I mean. It goes against everything I stand for - a few sweet lines and I gave it all up (well not physically but ya know!)
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01-02-2012 21:36 #11Junior Member
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01-02-2012 22:00 #12Senior Member
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Just a question for you.... If your husband did the same thing, would you want him to confess to you? If you found out a month later that he did it but didnt tell you about it would you be angry at him?
I only ask because my DH did something (not like this) behind my back, and it was made worse because he lied about it. Maybe its just my values, but if my husband did what you did, I would respect that he was up front about it soon after it happened, rather than me find out later on from someone else. Eg if he wasnt up front about it, I would be more angry about the hiding something from me, rather than the act itself.
Last edited by LoveHeart; 01-02-2012 at 22:02.
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02-02-2012 01:22 #13
You know it wasn't the right thing to do, you feel remorseful and you know 100% that it's not going to happen again. I totally agree with your decision not to tell your DH and IMHO you should forgive yourself.
On another note, perhaps you should let your DH know that you'd like a little more attention now and then so you won't be tempted to get it from somewhere else?
02-02-2012 14:27 #14
The fact that you knew it was wrong and still continued to do it anyway is what stumps me... I understand that it has helped you figure out more about yourself and you did eventually draw the line and end it... But I still think what you did is incredibly disrespectful to your DH.
My question for you is, if you found your DH sending the same messages to someone he has actual feelings for, how would you react? He has a right to know what you have done and by not telling him you're putting a lot of strain on the trust in your relationship whether you intend to or not. Telling him will no doubt create issues between you and him but if he ever has an affair in the future, you will be a hypocrite if you think you can feel sorry for yourself.
Even if he's comfortable with you 'swinging' and allows you to have sex with someone who is 'hot', doesn't mean he would be comfortable with that person being your ex. I know you didn't have sex with him, but you were still unfaithful.
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02-02-2012 14:31 #15
I agree with all those who said not to tell your DH.
It's bad enough you are left feeling extremely guilty over what you did...you don't want it to also cause trust issues between the two of you. You know in your heart what you did was wrong, and the fact that you put an end to it shows you are committed to your DH.
Cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself
02-02-2012 14:39 #16
I think he has a right to know and then he can decide how he feels about it, and you can be open about what maybe needs improving in your relationship to help stop it happening again.
If it were me, as much as it would hurt, I'd like to be told. I'd have found it easier to trust him again if he'd been honest.
I know its an incredibly difficult thing to do though.
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