I actually think it's a good thing that life changes, sometimes dramatically. It's normal. I feel entrusted to ensure that my children are raised in a way that makes them aware of respecting the rest of the family, but to do that means that I have had to sacrifice some things as well. It isn't all about me or my husband, it is about the family as a whole.
Not going out when baby has a sleep has been mentioned. The rest of the household suffers when a baby doesn't have enough sleep. A good sleep during the day is an excellent mood improver for everyone. I think that goes for every household, not just mine. If you can't let your baby have her daytime nap because you want to catch up for coffee with your friends (or whatever it might be) I think you are asking for difficult times ahead. A 20 minute nap in the car does not count. It isn't until a child is a little older (perhaps kindergarten age) that it becomes apparent which kids are better able to fit in with others - oftentimes the ones who have behaviour issues are the ones who've been allowed to "set their own routine" or who've been dragged here there and everywhere (to fit in with their parents).
Just my opinion and based on my experience. I think parenting is a full time job and if you think that letting a child tag along for the ride is parenting, it's not, it's either a case of being uneducated/inexperienced or lazy.
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01-02-2012 12:52 #41Senior Member
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01-02-2012 13:36 #42Senior Member
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- Among the gumtrees
This is actually a long running argument in our house. DH has refused to do anything he & i used to do together before the kids because he believed it would be too hard. But DD was an "easy baby" and would have fitted in fine, given the chance. Now since #2's arrival, i am sick to death of staying home all the time and have told hubby that things had better go back to the way they were before i completely lose my mind!!!
We've already taken them with us to the motocross a few times, camping, out to dinner several times, travelled to the gold coast & back, plus several other very long trips. They have both coped beautifully with it all and were a delight to the others involved too. So now they DO fit in with our life, very well. We both hated our old life trying to just fit in with them. It was so restrictive and draining. It just took me 4 years to convince DH to try it the other way.
We have both noticed that our DD is much more sociable and has much better manners since the change. I think that before it was too much "the world revolves around her" and she knew it. I had battles with her every day over the smallest of things. Now she has gained a bit more respect for the rest of the family and she is now a real pleasure to be around.
DS falls asleep on time no matter where he is (usually cuddled up in my arms wherever we are) and compared to DD at the same age, he is much happier and more secure, and already a very sociable baby.
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Last edited by steel magnolia; 01-02-2012 at 13:45.
01-02-2012 13:44 #43
my world was turned upside down. i never saw it coming.
01-02-2012 13:55 #44
01-02-2012 13:56 #45
aww heh. its ok. ive adjusted now!!
01-02-2012 13:58 #46Our family is complete!
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- Jun 2006
My world changed...how could it not? Even with the perfect baby at some point they are going to grow up and hopefully coffee dates and movies with friends will turn in to more family friendly activities? I don't remember visiting a park before I had kids, now it's something we do a fair bit.
I was not one to work around my baby's naps...moved dinner times to an earlier time etc. yes but I was never the kind of parent who got somewhere and then rushed off an hour later to make sure their baby was in the car so they could sleep when it's their scheduled nap. I think I would have killed myself if I let my baby's naps rule my life.
However my WHOLE life has changed, right down to the food we eat and how we cook and where we go for holidays...thanks to allergies; and allergies even rule the type of house we live in.
I think when you've got an easy going newborn you don't realise how much your life will change but it some point at least some parts of it have to change, if they don't then I'd say they were pretty selfish parents really.
01-02-2012 14:01 #47Bubhub Ambassador - tongue in cheek
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- Jul 2010
Man Oh man I was in for a rude shock
I don't know what I expected. I knew babies could be a handful but I guess I really did think DD would fit in with our life style.
When she did arrive, my bundle of not so much joy, with sever reflux, constant boob refusal (resulting in a 25% weight loss), and her ablity to stay awake and scream for 5 hours straight.. I quickly realised I had NO idea what babies could do to your life.
I'm STILL discovering new ways to make our lives easier!
and shes 20 months old!
Just this last week Ive started cook all our dinners in the slow cooker in the morning while shes happy rather then wrestling her off me at 4pm every afternoon during feral o'clock.
I STILL find myself thinking "why didnt I do it like this sooner"
Just this morning I was speaking to BIL who has a beautiful 5 month old, telling me how they dont change his nappy over night (unless he poo's) and got me thinking.. why on earth DID I change DD everytime she woke all through the night?
I was SO stuck in her 'feed, play, change, sleep' routine i did it round the clock (minis the play but still) I had NO idea what I was doing. Or what I was in for.
01-02-2012 14:03 #48
Wow so many varied responses! Of course whether your life changes significantly has a lot to do with bubs personality and what your lifestyle was like pre-baby. I think I just found the comment a little naive, as I know how quickly bubs can change.
I guess we are somewhere in the middle of the spectrum - our lives haven't completely come to a halt because of DS, but we certainly have stopped doing some things because it's all too hard!
One thing DS has taught me is that life with children is ever-changing and will never be predictable (for us anyway), but that's not necessarily a bad thing
Last edited by decemberbubba; 01-02-2012 at 14:07.
01-02-2012 14:07 #49
In a way I have to agree. We now have 4 children. This last one just hass to fall into place. I still have to do school runs, home work and housework for s family of 6, so my days can not revolvve around a baby!!
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01-02-2012 14:09 #50
Our life completely changed!! DD was very unwell and unsettled for the first 3 months and there was no way we could just go about life as normal. She's much easier now at 6 months but I find it's more important now to ensure she stays fairly on track with her routine. She kind of established her own routine and it works well so I try not to mess with it too much. She has 3 day sleeps but the most important one is the middle one - it's usually the longest sleep and she's a nightmare if she doesn't have a decent midday nap. If she skips the morning or afternoon nap or just has a 15min power nap, she'll usually be fine.
She gets a bit antsy just hanging out in a cafe or something but isn't too bad.
So I guess we do work around her but I also know it needs to be flexible and sometimes she needs to fit with us. I just accept that this is a different stage of life so dropping everything at the last minute to go out for dinner and a movie or going away for the weekend on a whim isn't going to happen again for a while!
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