DS1 turned life upside down more than I could have imagined! Definitely didn't fit in to our lifestyle! Love him though
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01-02-2012 10:39 #31
01-02-2012 10:41 #32Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
I think with our first two babies we adapted our lives around them some of the time as we adjusted to parenthood and all the new things that come with that and establishing routines, but looking back they still fit into our lives without changing anything too drastically. They were really transportable bubs, slept through anything, so going out in the day, or dinners, having BBQ's etc didn't really change.
With #3 and then #4 they just fit right into our routine and went with the flow, again they were both bubs that liked the car, slept through anything and aside from timing our outings around feed times/sleep times so that they weren't being too disrupted from routine we still went out and did the things we enjoyed, and more age appropriate things for the older kids too.
I think we differ slightly in that we did have a fairly solid routine, and that didn't change whether we were out and about or not, they still got fed and slept at the times they were used to. Our night time routine of feed, bath, cuddle and sleep was one that was rarely interrupted, and if we had to go out, we did all of that before we left so bub was relaxed and ready to go to sleep and once they were down for the night they didn't stir. We took them all to a carnival once that had fireworks about 3hours after bub was down for the night, I seriously thought they would wake bub up and we would be up all night, but nope he slept right through.
At the end of the day if I got up and left an event everytime one of my kids had a meltdown I'd never go out anywhere, tantrums and arguments are part of growing up and if you don't learn to diffuse the situation then they soon learn that they are in control and can get you to do what they want simply by standing there screaming. BUT tantrums are completely different from kids who are acting out because they are unwell, overtired and overstimulated, and in those situations you need to make a judgement call about staying or leaving and that comes down to the individual child, how easy they are to settle etc, and if you know that going out to dinner at a time that they are used to being in bed and they aren't the type of kid to just go with the flow and go to sleep anyway, then you'd avoid going out at that time, and make it a bit earlier etc etc
01-02-2012 11:19 #33
I used to have the same outlook as the father in your story. Thinking back, I was incredibly naive! I think it depends entirely on the child though TBH. Reading through this thread, there are toddlers who will sit up at the table etc. Wow! Not all children are like that
I knew zilch about children prior to having any, and only had one friend with a child. She used to schedule our coffee meet ups around her child's nap time and I used to think it was so silly, and that she should just bring her baby to sleep in the pram, or change the nap time (I'm embarrassed to be writing this, but I'm doing so for the sake of honesty!).
When DS was a newborn, I carted him everywhere with ease. I brought him along to our meets and I felt secretly chuffed. I even took him to the movies with me.
Then...he grew older, and that's when I realised how much life had changed. We have had to leave restaurants and cafes because of his meltdowns. We always plan to go to places which are kid friendly with highchairs (playground is a huge bonus), and even then it's still stressful. DS1 is very spirited, every outing is FULL ON. I used to go to the movies every week but now it's probably twice a year haha.
He doesn't have set nap times (instead I look out for tired cues), but he will not sleep in a pram...and if he's tired, the meltdowns are a million times worse.
However, I refuse to stop doing the things that I *really* love, I.e.: travel.
Everyone said I wouldn't be able to continue travelling once I had children, but I have and will hopefully continue to do so. Some people think I'm nuts though
01-02-2012 11:30 #34
DD definitely turned my life upside down! She would scream and cry of an evening, was a dreadful sleeper for her first 18 months and for the entire 12 months I BF her her feeds were at least 1 hour long. She wouldn't sit or sleep in the pram unless it was moving, so I couldn't just go to a resturant and park her somewhere.
I was very relaxed about routine to start with, but by about the 12 month mark I'd figured out that if her naps were on time and at home and for long enough I had a much better chance of getting sleep at night. So after months of endless sleep deprivation torture I was most definitely happy to organise my day so she was home for naps!
Completely disagree with whoever it was that suggested that it's the parent's stress and not the baby's personal make-up that makes them less adaptable.
01-02-2012 11:34 #35Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
Things changed slightly, but I find I'm still able to travel, go to cafes/restraunts etc most of the time without any hassle at all...
01-02-2012 11:35 #36
This has been something I've been thinking about a lot.
Obviously, our lives have changed dramatically and we've altered our lifestyle to include a new little family member. However, I think its important for me and DH that our DD is socialised into the family and not made the centre of the family as she grows up.
Of course she will be loved and nurtured and we will give her special attention, but I don't think its necessary that a child is elevated to being the only person in the household who matters or to sacrifice your whole pre-baby identity and lifestyle because you've become a parent.
01-02-2012 11:39 #37Completely disagree with whoever it was that suggested that it's the parent's stress and not the baby's personal make-up that makes them less adaptable.
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01-02-2012 11:40 #38
Our life changed a bit, I was expecting it to more as people kept telling it would, but DS is pretty good and at restaurants as long as there is food and people talking to him he is fine! If he ever did start to get cranky we would leave or at least go for a walk , I just make sure if I know we are going for lunch/ dinner I organise his naps around them, he is only 15 months though so things could change! I do have a friend that will not go out ever after 6 pm as she won't stop her toddlers bath/bed routine , I think I would go mad doing that !
01-02-2012 11:41 #39Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
I must say we do not go out for dinner in fancy restaurants anymore, maybe since 2008 till now. I have 2 active toddlers and sitting around more than 15 mins is very hard for them. So far when we eat out we just go to foodcourt. DH orders meals, I entertain them, food comes, everybody eats then go lol..
01-02-2012 11:44 #40
We still go to fancy restaurants, we just don't take DS
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