Hi bubhubbers.. I really need some help!!
3 weeks ago DSS came to live with us. He is 12 years old and just started year 7 at the local school.
He was living with his mum but decided at the end of last year that he wants to live with his dad and me.
Everyday last week he came home from school saying he had good days and made a few friends and played handball at lunch etc so we're pretty sure he is settling in okay. He did say on serveral occassions last week that he was 'over' school and bored with it.. DH and i just ignored his comments about this though.. he has to go!
on monday morning (after spending the weekend at his mums) he wakes up saying he is dizzy, has a stomach ache, a sore back and hurts to lie down or sit up.
i feel a bit worried but DH says he is going to school and that's that
so i drop him off and he seems upset and storms off not even saying goodbye.
DH calls DSS's mum throughout the day and learns that DSS does this everyday and she actually got to a point where she was unable to leave work anymore he did it so often that she ended up giving in and telling him to stay home with the neighbours when he claimed ill.
i got a call from the school at 11 to come and pick him up as he had dizziness. i got there and he stood up and walked etc fine and then i became a little sceptical about his symtpoms..
i ordered him to bed when we got home and said no xbox etc just to rest so he spent the afternoon in his room reading comics in bed.
DH came home in the afternoon and we walked the dog with the kids when DSS said he felt completely better.
He ate all his dinner, desert and even watched some tv at night with us..
until bed time ... 9pm on the dot "oh wow.. my head is spinning again! i'm not feeling too good!"
DH said "go to bed, you can't come home sick tomorrow we have work and other commitments. you're going to school"
half hr later he came out of his room saying he found a scratch on his arm and thinks its going to turn into a rash.. DH and i were dumbfounded and sent him back to bed.
another half hr later he came out claiming to have bites on him which looked like spider bites - they were mozzie bites!
i guarentee you nothing is happening at the school! i even plan on talking to his teacher - i may email her as i was given her email address and ask her to monitor things just in case but given that his mum said he makes up these illnesses in a desperate plea to not go to school.. what do we do??
DH and i have never lived with DSS full time before - we are just sort of doing what our own parents did... is there a way to deal with this kind of thing? weve asked hiim if things are ok at school and he said its fine..
one of the other mums has told me that her son plays with him at lunch times and has asked to have DSS over for a bit one weekend even.
we just feel so dumbfounded that he would grip at straws like this though.. DH called his mother again last night and she laughed - she is so exhausted by years of excuses from DSS about being sick or having bites etc.. she said we just have to not pick him up from school as that is what is wants obviously..
but how do i tell the school that he is a hyperchondriac?
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31-01-2012 06:29 #1
Help! Child claiming sick everyday at school!
31-01-2012 06:52 #2
I would take him to a paediatrician. For 2 years, from prep tp year 2, I listened to friends, teachers, workmates, family tell me my dd was trying to get out of school but a year ago the paed acted on a hunch, did a blood test, and told me she has coeliacs disease. A year on, she is fully gluten free and no longer sick. It could be nothing, but it could be something.
31-01-2012 07:08 #3
thanks share a book - but i dont think he is actually sick.. thats the problem.. if i thought for a second that he really was i would be at the hospital or doctors right away.. but he is 12 now and his mum said you can't cough around him without him saying he has contracted your virus 20 minutes later and he will walk around coughing like you to get a day off school..
he knows i have finished work now.. but i dont want him thinking he can come home sick everyday.. can't we get into trouble for that??
31-01-2012 07:09 #4
So, is he perfectly fine at all other times like weekends and school holidays?
We went through a stage where DD3 was going into sick bay a lot. We realised whenever she is ancious about something she really does get sick. If she was ancious or uncomfortable for any reason she would feel sick and dizzy. She even actually threw up a couple of times.
The ladies in the office got to know her and knew they would have a visit from her without a doubt whenever her normal teacher was away (she was assistant principal so not there a lot). They used to get her to rest for a bit in the sick bay and watch her on the camera that the kids don't know is there. She would sit there for a bit and usually perk up after a while and they would send her back. It was hard to know when she was really sick though. I had to take her home a number of times. Even though she wasn't sick in the real sense of the word she really was feeling sick.
31-01-2012 07:09 #5
Are you sure that everything is okay at school? Even though he has someone wanting to spend time with him, there may be other children who are bullying him.
I did this in Grade 6 and I said the reason I did not want to go to school was because I was sick. The REAL reason was I was having problems being teased by the people in my class. It got to the stage where I had no friends. They were teasing me because I had to repeat grade 6.
You could call the school and make time to talk with the principal with his mother as well. Hope something works out.
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31-01-2012 07:14 #6-
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- Jan 2012
Yep I agree with Share...take him the docs, get all the tests done, make sure docs take blood.
If everything comes back okay,and you have ruled out bullying, I would sit him down and explain the situation you are in.Tell him that from now on, you will not be picking him up from school and if he wants to be ill, he will just have to sit in the nurses office till hometime.
Tell the school what is going on, im sure they would have heard it a hundred times over and will understand.
Just make sure to really listen to him when you ask him if he is having any problems in school.....dont say 'bullying' as it is a red flag to a teenager, they dont want to be thought of a weak for being the victim of bullying.
I used to come up with all the excuses under the sun so I could stay off school.
It wasnt that I was being bullied persay, it was just that I didnt feel like I fitted in. I had a friend I hung out with, but not a very good one, I felt completely alone when I was at school, completely vunrable.
I know you said a mum said her son plays with him at lunchtimes, are you sure? Have you asked DSS? It may be that DSS doesnt even like this boy....
Could you organise a sleepover and get 3 or 4 of his friends over? If he had a group of lads he knew he was going to hang round with in school every day it might make him want to go more...
How does he get to school?
31-01-2012 07:18 #7
i dont think u can make the assumption that everything is fine at school, just because he says so.
id be going to the school and talking to his teacher, maybe the year advisor. a trip to the GP to rule out official anxiety, and also chatting to the sick bay ladies.
once all bases are covered then u can tell him to cut the crap
31-01-2012 07:31 #8
Anxiety can cause those problems. Also, I though dd was fine, just trying to avoid school. For a long time she was sick but it was when she started school I lost income, money was tight, she had toast for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch, and pasta a few times a week. So for 2 years the poor kid was sick and I ignored her.
It could be iron, blood sugar, any number of things. I also said the same as you, we will not be seeing a doctor, she is fine. But she wasn't fine.
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31-01-2012 07:39 #9Senior Member
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- Jul 2011
It sounds like anxiety. I would take him to the GP to check it out. Anxiety can present as physical symptoms and when there is no pressure (I.e., he is home), the symptoms relieve. He is also probably unable to articulate if anything is wrong and there probably isn't anything he can pinpoint anyway.
31-01-2012 07:43 #10
I agree with PP's who are saying this sounds like anxiety, the sooner you guys get it checked out the better for all of you by the sound of it sounds every frustrating.
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