Also, the people I know who are man.haters have been rsped, abused, even tortured at the hands of multiple men. Their fear turned to anger which turned to hatred. I know men who hate women (apparently I don't count as a woman lol) for similar reasons, although not as bad.
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31-01-2012 07:25 #81
31-01-2012 08:46 #82
I would also like to see the DV stats. Bc hundreds and hundreds of peer reviewed papers show male on female DV accounts for around 90-98% of reported cases. Yes, there are lots of men that don't report it, but there are lots of women that don't too. I was one of them.
31-01-2012 08:53 #83
I'd be interested in seeing the DV stats too. DP sees a LOT of DV in her line of work and the only male reported DV she's seen has been brother-brother or father-son. Not saying it doesn't happen, I believe it does, but definitely not in the numbers PP suggested.
31-01-2012 09:23 #84
Have not read all responses...sorry
But for me feminism is about having choices, it's not the choices you make (apologies to anyone who has already said this)
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31-01-2012 09:57 #85
If I could double thank this post I would because it really resonated with me.
i think you absolutely can stay home and identify as feminist but as you said 'not everything sits comfortably me' with my transition either. I'd love to hear you elaborate because I can't really express how I feel properly. For me, I do feel that I have given up more than my husband to raise our children. I know I've gained a lot, but I've sacrificed financially, I've lost a lot of my identity, I've lost the confidence and satisfaction and feeling of achievement, competence and pride that I had from excelling at work. When the kids are sick, I'm the one being thrown up on, having to go to drs appointments, follow up with specialists. I get up all night to them every night. When something is wrong, or they aren't behaving beautifully, I'm the one people judge.
My husband goes to work where he can focus on his career, performs well, gets rewarded, recognised, gets variety, makes friends who like him for him, and his identity is absolutely not confined to 'dad'. He comes home to a mostly clean house, washing done, meal cooked, shopping done, kids loved and fed. And my husband gets to sleep. My job is done with extreme sleep deprivation thrown in.
Yes, I've gained a lot as a parent, but so has my husband. The kids adore him too. He gets to play with them, gets hugs and kisses too (as he should).
I do think equality has a way to go yet.
But I chose this. My children have medical issues and I stay home so I can help them. i feel lucky that I can stay home, despite my disgruntlement detailed above. And I don't think women who stay home can't be feminists. But then I've never actually been made to feel like I'm non feminist for it anyway. i feel somewhat conflicted, truth be told.
As for the TL post, I have exactly the same concerns.
Last edited by MissMuppet; 31-01-2012 at 10:00.
31-01-2012 12:24 #86
I'm always blown away by what people think feminism is and how many women think it's a bad thing or that feminists are man-haters. Because the advocacy of equality to men is not the same as hating men. I have no doubt that some feminists hate men but that is an individual hatred. I, for instance, am a feminist and I hate people that lick ice-cream sticks. That doesn't mean all feminists hate stick-lickers.
In response to the OP, yes, I think women can have 'traditional' roles and still be feminist so long as they don't think that their gender restricts nor entitles them to those roles.
31-01-2012 12:38 #87
Just in regard to the idea of choice, I would like real choice. Now what I mean by this is the difference in staying at home because you want to rather than staying at home because your male partner earns more than you for the same job.
Women tend to sacrifice quite a bit by staying home, such as giving up superannuation.
31-01-2012 13:02 #88
31-01-2012 13:19 #89
That is true, my choices are more limited. I can choose to use childcare and work, or stay home with my children. Right now I can't really use childcare because my son has some issues that need resolving first. My husband can choose to stay home (and I work) or work and have the children be looked after by me. Either way he knows his kids are cared for by a parent. He can even choose to leave and live a single life knowing I will look after the children. If I leave him, the children would primarily be cared for by me still, and my work would have to accommodate that. If he leaves, he can choose whether to be a part of their lives and how much. And society pretty much accepts that. A mother choosing to not raise her children is judged far more harshly.
I don't know if any of that made sense, but it boils down to this : The choice really is DH's primarily, and then I make my choice secondary to his.
31-01-2012 13:59 #90
Don't mean to take this thread of course, but what does everyone mean about giving up super? Do you mean because you aren't working you are not earning super?
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