My DH is a hard worker and always does everything he can for people. He's kind and generous and has great morals on nearly all subjects!! ....
however... after we decided to start trying for a baby, he made a few comments about pregnancy, labor and birth being "easy"... "women for millions of years have given birth, it's what your bodies are built for, there's women who work in the fields and give birth one day and go back to work the next..." obviously i was mad about this, it was like a "so just suck it up and spit it out" kinda thing...
my DS is 10yrs old (to a different dad and I was only 17yrs old at the time) and i had the easiest labor and birth, a great epidural, not an ounce of pain and didn't need stiches etc... so i'm freaked out about this time... DH is 37 and doesn't have any kids, but is so excited about finally having a baby and he'll be an awesome dad!! but i try and talk to him about the birth, that i'm freaked out and scared about it and i'm worried about the pain this time etc.... he says he understands, but he still makes light of the subject, but says he's not... I just can't believe that a huge thing like this he can make light of and say it's no big deal...
I'm not sure what to do to make him care and support me a bit more... and make him realise that labor and birth is not a walk in the park... I get so mad and we end up in a fight... I'm going to do the antenatal classes this time only because I think it might help him change his thoughts on the subject...
Has anyone elses partners acted like this? did they change their thoughts and act differently when the time required it?
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 10 of 11
29-01-2012 16:04 #1
Worried about DH's thoughts on labor and birth...
29-01-2012 16:16 #2
Yep. My DH wasn't much support with the birth labour thing...He laughed at me in pain and was cracking jokes and tying me to the bed by my gown. He does that when hes nervous too though.
In fact it's worse now because i'm not a loud person and instead of screaming my lungs out I kind of just took it in myself and was very quiet and still during contractions. Now he thinks it was super easy and not very painful, so i will be a breeze for me this time.
I remember it being the most excruciating experience of my life.. I've never forgotten it, I am petrified again.
I have tried to make him understand and be more sympathetic... but hes who he is and without actually going through labour himself I think he just will never understand or comprehend. Silly men.
29-01-2012 16:18 #3
My DP would say the exact things yours does - have been doing it for hundreds of years, can't be that bad if ppl go back for round two etc.
I think it was a few things:
A) guys genuinely have no idea how hard birth is until they see it
B) guys just want to make you feel better, and their way of doing it is to use logic
C) they are telling you all the reasons they have figured out to make *themselves* feel better - if they really thought about you going through that, they would freak themselves out.
DP ended up being amazing during my 5 day labour marathon, my absolute rock :-)
Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub
29-01-2012 16:22 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
If my DH was like this I'd be getting him to read some of the birth stories on BH!! I know theres some shocking stories . Maybe then he will realize not everyone just pushes a baby out and goes to work the next day!
I think on the day once you are screaming in labour he will be very supportive of you if he normally is when your not preg. I had to go to the the labour ward for monitoring alot during my last pregnancy and so DH and I heard lots of babies being born... DH was horrified lol he never once said anything bout millions of women do this every day you will be fine.. Was more along the lines of holy crap I'm glad it you not me I couldn't do it!!
29-01-2012 16:33 #5
Perhaps you could get your DH to watch a birth video? One that shows him exactly what happens? Or ask him how he thinks pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a ping-pong ball (love Murphy Brown!!) is "easy".
It might be rewarding to get that little baby at the end, but it's certainly not easy!
29-01-2012 17:28 #6
Like the others have said, once you go into labour and he's confronted of the reality of not only your birth experience but those of the other women in the rooms around you, things will most likely be very different. I don't think he will be able to witness the blood, the pushing etc, etc without being able to have anything but a huge amount of respect for the woman going through all of this so that his baby dreams can come true. I'm sure he will be very proud of you and probably completely exhausted from the experience himself
Best of luck xx
29-01-2012 17:50 #7
When I finally got to hospital, there was a lady in the room next door *screaming* giving birth to breech twins. DP goes "suddenly I have a whole new appreciation of what she is going through!"
Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub
29-01-2012 17:56 #8
I am worried about similar things - so I've asked dh to do beer and bubs (google it) instead of antenatal classes, he said no at first but I said its only two hours and it would mean a lot to me, so he is going along, it's for men only and looks really good in my opinion!
29-01-2012 18:03 #9
Ask how it might feel to pass a whole watermelon.
29-01-2012 18:03 #10
By EchoSummers in forum Pregnancy & Birth General ChatReplies: 11Last Post: 03-06-2012, 16:59
By WillowRaine in forum Water BirthsReplies: 5Last Post: 18-04-2012, 23:26
By Mummy2Be20 in forum Birth & Labour QuestionsReplies: 1Last Post: 07-12-2011, 16:28
Pea Pods Reusable NappiesPea Pods are the smart choice when it comes to choosing what's best for you, your baby and the environment. Affordable ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
Primary CMVPregnancy Health Issues
Posting this question for a freindSafety Issues
April/May TTC group chatConception & Fertility General Chat
CD8, Who's also at the start of their cycle and TTC?Conception & Fertility General Chat
Wdyt- creepy postieGeneral Chat
Depressed without supportGeneral depression and blues
IVF/FET April & May chatConception & Fertility General Chat
Considering a terminationShould we have another baby?
31 weeks....Third Trimester Chat