Yes, I've always hated this question and found it intrusive. I think it's a judgement-laden question. Why do people ask in the first place if not to (even silently) judge the response and the mother? It doesn't "mean" anything to have breast or bottle-fed a baby - it's not like once you give your answer the person who asked can say "oh, yes, now I understand why xyz happened ..." It's not actually that interesting, either. I'm wondering if the question will come up on my son's high school enrolment form in over a decade's time. I also take exception to "Did you have a c-section or a normal birth?" [In my hospital phone interview at 16 weeks the midwife asked me if I was anticipating a normal delivery. No, hopefully the most abnormal, scientifically and medically bizarre delivery ever witnessed! What exactly is a normal delivery, I wonder?! And a stranger in a shop asked me, when I was 36 weeks, if I was going to have a c-section or give birth the normal way, and did I know that some women actually booked their c-sections ahead of time these days? Ah yeah, because I'm one of them. For private medical reasons!!) And the final question: IVF baby? (Asked while looking judgementally at my 38-year-od face, even though that's not actually the reason.) My husband has never been asked any of these questions. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
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28-01-2012 13:39 #31Senior Member
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28-01-2012 14:06 #32
i will add this to my long list of 'questions never to ask/comments never to make to a mother' most people are just trying to make conversation, yanno?
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28-01-2012 14:07 #33Senior Member
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- Nov 2011
28-01-2012 15:28 #34How is asking somebody if they breastfeeding inappropriate?
That and when people automatically think they can just walk up to you and rub your belly.
And unfortunately, of all the people whom I have met and found judgemental, midwives who haven't had children themselves and fellow mothers have been the worst.
My partner forwarded me this in an email and I love it.
28-01-2012 16:58 #35
Yeah you're right ladies. I don't know why I didn't see it this way. I saw it as something else. I out of all people should know what she meant by it lol I didn't breastfeed DS because I was messed up mentally to take on the challenge and every time somebody asked me "are you still breastfeeding?" I'd always feel sooo uncomfortable answering "no." I'd have a few people say "oh... Well that's okay. It's still food." Umm no sh** Sherlock! I can understand how it would be a personal question
28-01-2012 17:34 #36
I think it's just another of those pregnancy/baby things where people think they can comment on your body or ask you all sorts of personal questions:
You're so big/little.
Are you sure it's not twins.
Are you having a natural birth?
Are you going back to work?
Are you using cloth?
Will you BF?
etc, etc, etc
Not to mention the strangers who suddenly feel they have the right to invade your personal space and touch you.
Yes, it can just be conversation, but getting asked the same personal questions by strangers over and over is bl00dy annoying! And none of anyone's business. So I get where she is coming from. I don't mind taking to friends or family about that stuff, but not people I don't know. It's none of their business.
Afterall, why is it that it's ok to ask a woman who is pregnant or just had a baby what she is doing with her b00bs? Unless its a medical or Mums group etc situation, it's not appropriate if you ask me!
28-01-2012 17:38 #37
I don't see it as an inappropriate question at all.
I see it as a nosey one
28-01-2012 18:04 #38
Yeah like PP, I think it is more that it is no one's business rather 'inappropriate' because it involves breasts or whatever.
29-01-2012 13:00 #39
That IS so rude! Having a baby is like stepping into a judgmental minefield.. Every choice you make on every single thing theres a big chance a big fat nose is going to blow up under your feet! BF, FF, SAHM, Working/studying mum, at home or daycare, dress sense, house, car, pets, siblings, how many your having, how many youre not having, your age, your marital status, your income.. The list never ends. Babys parents know best for THEIR baby. End of story and I do agree that if such a question is asks in anyway a judgemental or comparing sense than its none of their business! In saying that conversation among friends in a just asking way is of course different lol! But I totally get the facebook status.
The Following User Says Thank You to Kiplusthree For This Useful Post:
29-01-2012 13:44 #40
I don't think you can win as a
Mother . There is going to be someone tsk tsking about your choices and decisions .
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