Ummmm...nopes. I don't think you're over reacting at all. It is NEVER ok to be threatening or violent towards one's partner. If it's your belief that the drugs cause the behaviour in him, I say you're well within yours rights to request him to stop, however rare his use is. The fact that he then got violent and threw the phone at you - I'd say there's an issue to deal with as well as the drugs. You're not his punching bag, nor should you feel like you have to be because you're pregnant.
My previous DP and I fought a lot because he brought someone into our home who then brought a lot of weed into our home. She would get him to smoke it with her on our balcony, both of them knowing full well how I feel about drug use of any kind in my home. I was disgusted and said I was going home to my parents place for a few days, and when I returned either she was gone or I was. You have a right to feel safe & comfortable in your own home - I demanded it, and so should you!
You're gonna be a great Mummy. xxxx
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Results 11 to 18 of 18
27-01-2012 21:27 #11
27-01-2012 21:29 #12
I have some experience in working with families where drug and alcohol is an issue so I really have to wonder if he is only doing this 3 or 4 times a year. If he was only doing it these rare times then why is it an issue to give up? Meth is a disgusting drug that has caused many people to do terrible things. My aunty was shot dead because of a meth user holding up the pub she worked in. If he is violent when he's on meth imagine what he will be like when your child's crying annoys him? Harsh words I know but the potential is there.
27-01-2012 21:52 #13
I just read this thread and your last one as well.
I am so sorry that you are going through this.
I can relate to some of what you are going through in terms of the financial struggles and stresses. I'm 22 weeks pregnant and the stress is awful. I suppose I am lucky in the sense that it's made our relationship stronger. Your DP sounds as though he isn't coping at all, and is using very poor judgement in his coping mechanisms.
The other girls have already said it so much better than I ever could.
Just know that people do have the ability to change. One day he may very well decide to put those selfish behaviours behind him, and give you and your baby exactly what you need. In the meantime, you need to get out of that situation and get yourself somewhere safe.
You mentioned that your baby is a girl? Think of it as you setting an amazing example for her. You don't want her to grow up and think it's fine and normal to be treated poorly by men.
I wish there was more that I could do.
If you want to PM please feel free.
27-01-2012 21:53 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
just wanted to add that being a single mum with 1 bubby is great. I was single by the time my boy was 5 months old...and my ex was no bloody help while we were together anyway (to the point that i had to drive myself home from hospital after having my 10lb baby cause he was "tired and stressed").
I got to focus and me and bubs and it really was a wonderful time in my life.
I would be wary of someone you have been scared of. A baby (although lovely) is a big stressor and i agree with the poster who said that if he gets violent when on meth... having a baby who might cry at the wrong time...could be a disasterous combination.
You and your baby will be fine, who knows, perhaps if you walk away he may one day come to his senses and realise that choosing meth over his life partner and baby is the stupidist thing he could ever do however, this in itself is a huge warning sign that it is not as casual as he says).
27-01-2012 22:02 #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
parenting alone can be wonderful when you have the right support in place
what I was always scared of was the stereotype "single mum" and hated the term
although I have not read all your posts you don't seem like you will be a stereotype at all you are already looking at the best way of improving your life and the life of your baby thats nothing to be scared about after what you have already experienced
28-01-2012 02:19 #16
Personally I don't understand why you would even consider staying with him. If he's not willing to give up drugs for the safety of you and your baby then he's certainly not worth the time of day.
Imagine if you popped out for an hour and left the baby at home with him. You came home to find that not only had he taken drugs but he had also seriously harmed your baby because the baby stressed him out too much... Also what kind of example do you want to set for your children by bringing them up in an environment associated with drugs?
Unfortunately you're not the first or the last woman to become a single mother, it's not the best situation to be in but it's certainly not the worse! You may find it hard to support yourself and the baby financially but you will learn how to budget accordingly. You can always call a local church group or a charity as a lot of them do food banks where they provide you with groceries to live on while you get back on your feet. They also might be able to help you find a place to stay on your own that you can afford and they will no doubt be able to help you in regards to what centrelink benefits you are entitled to.
I wish you and your baby the best of luck.... I hope you get out of that environment very soon so you can set up a home for you and the baby.
28-01-2012 04:05 #17
Get out. Now.
Meth is an effed up drug, and if he has that attitude then your relationship is never going to be healthy.
My ex was into speed and drank heavily. He would get violent and push me, punch holes in walls etc, make me feel threatened. He kicked me once. He never once threw a punch at me. I too questioned if this was enough for me to leave, and stressed over dd growing up without a father.
And to this day i blame the stress he put me through for her being a stillborn
By the time i had decided to cut him from my life it was too late.
Dont make the same mistakes myself and so many women before us have made. You know in your heart already things with him will not last forever. Dont delay the inevitable, life without him will be so much better. I also like the expression; it is better to come from a broken home than to live in one. Children dont need to be raised in hostile or violent environments. Your relationship will be the standard he/she will base their future relationships on, think about what sort of a role model do you want to be?
It is possible to get by on the single parent pension. I was on it for 2 years before i met my now dp, and in that time i managed to continue with my uni degree and buy my first home (doing casual work as well as pps). It is hard, but you can do it.
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28-01-2012 06:00 #18Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
I know to an extent how you are feeling. I am 19 weeks pregnant, my ex moved out on xmas eve after me giving him an ultimatum, give up the constant partying for the family uve created, or leave. He chose to leave.
But you know what, since he left my life has been so much less stressful. I'm now focusing purely on my beautiful ds and my unborn child. I would much prefer to enjoy the experience ALONE, then constantly stress with him around. I haven't even missed him yet, because he was never home enough for me to motice tge difference.
However I am lucky enough to have an amazingly supportive family who have helped me through the rough times. I hope that you can get out of that home soon. Do you have family elsewhere to go back to? I know its a big call to move intersrate while pregnant, but its got to be better than living there. And if your gonna make a move, i'd recommend you do it now. Good luck.
I also wanted to add, being a single mother is nothing to be ashamed of. You should be proud of your ability to make yourself happy and to raise your beautiful baby on your own. Being a single mum is hard work, but it will be even harder if you stay there with him x
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