I would sell whatever I had for some cash, pack a bag and get the hell out of there and back to my family. He threw something at you, and then demanded to see your fingernails??! WTH! No man should treat you like that,ever. He thinks things are stressful now....wait till bubs is born.Throw in lack of sleep and even more cash going out...
He needs a time out bigtime. I know he has a lot on his shoulders and you feel guilty that you should be supporting him more, but that does not mean being a doormat and putting up with his temper/drug use.
You need to give him a wakeup call. Giving up the occasional drug use is not that bigger deal (if it is infact occasional)...and he should respect your wishes as your partner. He needs counselling and it is not your job to help him right now, your job is to make sure you and bubs are safe. What if that phone had bounced off the sofa and hit you in the stomach?!
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26-01-2012 09:56 #21-
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26-01-2012 11:44 #22Junior Member
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Thank you all so much for your support.
It means the world to me that you should come on here to share your personal stories with me.
You are all so right.
I think he is depressed. During yesterdays argument he said "where are the pills so I can just swallow them all". I worry about his mental state and how he'd cope if I weren't here. I feel like I've been holding him together recently.
He came up with a compromise this morning. He won't do meth or speed but he will do coke if it's ever offered instead . Seriously? That's a compromise? He thinks it's more natural so it won't hurt him so much.
My baby is my #1 priority, but he can't see that doing drugs even three times a year is too often. He sees it as no big deal and constantly says that the dangers of drug use are media hype. This coming from a man who won't take over the counter medication because he thinks they are so bad for us all
Anyway, I still don't know what to do. It's a catch 22. I can't leave him to deal with all the other stuff right now...the timing of this is dreadful.
He's told me he doesn't want me going out for dinner with him and his friend tomorrow night (even though I was invited), because he plans on drinking. I fear there is more to the story...time will tell I suppose.
Thank you all again, you have been so wonderful and I truly appreciate each and every one of your replies
26-01-2012 14:12 #23
We can all share our experiences and give you all the advice in the world, but the decision is yours.
Trust your gut. Listen to your heart. Ask for help if you need it (be it financial or other) And do what you need to do for your baby.
Good luck x
Mummy & Daddy - expanding our family! Our little man born April 2011 and now expecting another munchkin in August 2012! Loving it!!!!!
26-01-2012 17:11 #24
Hi! I hope you're doing ok and keeping safe. I was going to suggest that perhaps he is depressed and that he should see a medical professional to help him through.
I'm a bit softer on the drug issue than other hubbers, having recreationally used in the past and having family members still be highly functioning people from smoking weed. Drug use on it's own, especially if you trust him that it's only three times in the year wouldn't trouble me too much, although the drugs of choice do, particularly when combined with his health problems.
Personally I would be there for him as much as possible as he needs support right now. I would tell him I love him no matter what has happened and what he does. However it's not safe to be around him if he continues to have outbursts and use drugs. I would tell him if he does then I'll still be with him, just long distance until he cleans himself up. I would worry that permanently leaving him may end up being the straw that broke the camel's back.
Good luck on what ever you decide.
26-01-2012 18:04 #25
He threw something at you- he drew blood! And to add insult to injury- literally- he accused you of doing it to yourself? This is allready out of control!
All of this while you are pregnant. No,no,no. None of this is ok!
Please think about this from the perspective of if this was happening to someone you loved and cared for. Just because you've found a way to put up with it or tell yourself that you should stay doesn't make it an ok or a healthy situation for you or your baby to be in pre birth or once he or she is born.
Please be careful ok?
You say money is an issue. Drugs aren't free they're mega expensive for starters. And what if he gets caught with them? Where would that leave you?
What if he has them in your home and or gets caught and you become implicated in this??
What if he has some sort of drug psychosis from them?
Drugs are only going to exascerbate his temper issues and make violent out bursts in your direction more frequent. Drugs like speed, meth and cocaine are more likely to cause mental health issues than help them.
And he allready has blood pressure issues and he thinks cocaine is gonna be safer? HA! What a joke. Do some reading on cocaine and come back and tell me you believe him.
None of any of this is any good for you or your baby
Sure you love him and want to make it work. But this is not something you want to have around a newborn baby for all of the above reasons and more.
If i were you i would move heaven and earth to find a safe place to bring my baby home to. I would try to find a way to get back with your family until and unless he can sort his issues out.
It's no longer just a problem with him taking drugs and not wanting to stop. He has physically harmed you. That's abusive and inexcusable.
Please don't let it slide.
He needs help and you need to be somewhere safe
26-01-2012 18:40 #26Junior Member
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- Jan 2012
Thank you girls.
Laurea, what you've said does make so much sense...I suppose love can blind sight you somewhat. I agree, my baby is my utmost priority.
He came home earlier from being out all day and I told him that since he's made his decision we need to work out where to go from here. He got angry and said this was my fault and I had better not tell our friends and family that it was over drugs because it's really because I have "taken everything away from him and he's now drawing the line".
He said he loves me but he's never been able to be smitten with me.
I am not sure what to do now. I've got all of our suitcases from the garage but I'm stuck. Packing seems so hard.
I have $100 to my name so not even enough for an airfare home...I don't want to ring my parents.
I suppose I'll have to go to Centrelink tomorrow and register for some kind of payment.
I feel sick. I wish I could fast forward twenty years and ask my baby if I'm making the right decision for her. What if she hates me for this?
26-01-2012 18:55 #27
You can get a one off crisis payment from centerlink maybe that would help?
God i feel for you. It's SO hard when someone you love won't admit or just can't seem to realise how unreasonable they are being. It causes you to doubt yourself when you really shouldn't simply because you love them and want to trust them. You want to be wrong about what's happening here, but you're not.
None of this is your fault.
He is blamming you for taking everything away from him??? Say what?
I'm sorry his business failed but that wasn't your fault.
And if he doesn't want to lose you and his child then stopping the drugs shouldn't be a problem.
Now it's become you taking everything away from him??
What tha? What a cop out.
HE is the one who is making a HUGE mistake here. NOT you.
My goodness no matter what happens (and lets face it things can and do change). If the worst happens and you remain apart for good your child will certainly understand you not bringing her into an enviroment where you are being physically and emotionally abused and her father is taking drugs.
No one in their right mind would remain in that situation with their babys best interests at heart.
Last edited by laurea; 26-01-2012 at 19:02.
26-01-2012 18:58 #28
A few things stuck out to me reading your post. The first is I would be suspecting he may be using drugs more than he's letting on. Not only are some of his behaviours markers for sustained drug use (although some could just be chalked up to stress) the fact he is fighting giving up the drugs is a red flag to me. Addiction by definition means the body *needs* the drug. IMO someone that puts up such a fight to continue using heavy drugs may well be addicted. Then to barter which drugs he uses? that if he gives up meth and speed can he take coke??? In the very least he is using hard drugs as a crutch. and how is he finding the money for this? speed and coke in particular aren't cheap, yet it's ok to waste all this money on partying and cocaine with a baby coming and filing for bankruptcy?
I would be calling your parents, however much you don't want to, and getting out of there.
26-01-2012 19:06 #29
We watched a show the other day on Austar, Curiousity Your body on drugs, and they put four people who are addicted to Weed, Meth, Heroin, and Cocaine into different situations. They did it not influenced by the drugs and again 15 minutes after they had used and truthfully, I would hate to be around someone in a stressed out situation on Cocaine. He was throwing things, wanting to take people on in a fight, trying to pick fights. They feel like they are invincible.
If you have Foxtel or Austar it's on again at 7:30 Discovery 2. It's an eye opener.
Good luck with what ever decision you make. : hugs:
26-01-2012 19:42 #30
I really feel for you and your situation, I too agree that I would be getting out of there.
You and the baby don't need the stress what u need right now is to make you and your child the priority.
All the best I hope everything works out for u
Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub trying to concur Auto correct one text at a time
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