Thanks everyone for your supportive comments.
I don't feel like he has the right to gamble with his life like that. I've tried explaining it to him, but he said I am being controlling and wanting to change who he is.
It's a mess.
I have no money so I cant go home, even for a short break. We can't even afford to buy a cot yet, so things are very stressful financialy.
Yes, he threw the phone at me, and my ear is still sore from the cut on it. I've only seen him have an outburst like that once or twice before and that was about five years ago.
I love him dearly but I feel like this relationship is costing me so much already...throw in my morals* about drug use and I feel like I've given everything.
*I really hope I don't offend anyone. I know some people on BH use drugs socially and that's fine...each to their own. I'm only concerned about my DP and his health issues etc.
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Results 11 to 20 of 33
25-01-2012 19:04 #11Junior Member
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- Jan 2012
The Following User Says Thank You to bubhubber undercover For This Useful Post:
25-01-2012 19:28 #12Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2010
I hope everything works out for you
If it was me i would probably give him the ultimatum that he organises for you both to move back near family now or you will go alone. I would probably even contemplate going alone and if he loves you enough he will follow you. I think getting away from the friends he socialises with could do him the world of good.
Staying where you are at the moment is not going to do him or you any good. In sounds like he is depressed and if nothing changes it will just get worse and who knows he might even start using more often if it makes him feel good.
A move might do him the world of good and get him out of the slump he is in and it will do you good to have family around once bubs arrives.
Whatever you decide just make sure you put yourself first
25-01-2012 19:32 #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
Could family help you out to get money together for an air fare?
If you feel your are unsafe at any time please call crisis care and they will be able to point you into the right direction as were to get emergency accommodation.
Stay safe xxx
The Following User Says Thank You to amiee For This Useful Post:
26-01-2012 05:51 #14
I agree with what another PP has said. I deal with alot of junkies and most will lie to your face about how much they use. Some of them have said it started out socially but they started using more when the going got hard as a way to escape what was happening in daily life.
Something for you to think about....he has admitted some use and you in your own words state he is going through a tough time and will have to go bankrupt. Thats pretty stressfull and I'd say its a safe bet he is using more than he is admitting. Sorry to be a downer. If he won't quit for the sake of you and HIS baby then sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Walk away for your own sake and tell him you'll be there when he gets his act together and gets help to stay clean or he can have his drugs and no family. Just be prepared for either outcome.....he gives them up or he chooses them. in saying all this HE has to want to give them up otherwise it won't work.
One thing...don't compromise as he will probably try it and use the excuse of I'll only do it at parties or if i go to such and suches place. You'll never trust him.
26-01-2012 07:05 #15
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this and you should be so proud of yourself for trying to reach out and get some advice and clarity on the situation. I have a sister in a similar situation except the issue is with alcohol and him being selfish and going out and not telling her when he will be home etc. The bottom line is, regardless of what he is going through his actions are selfish. He needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and start thinking of you and his unborn child. His prioritories are wrong and he is puting himself first.
I understand you love him and you have been together for nine years but that doesn't mean you have to put up with this. However I also realise that sometimes we can be trapped/have no options when money is an issue. You are also struggling as you are isolated from family and friends and not in your home state. All I can see is try and reach out for help wherever you can - i.e on bubhub or through womens health services so you can try and stay mentally strong and focued on what needs to happen to get yourself through this pregnancy - you need to focus on you.
You are obviously a strong person as you have reached out via this forum for advice which shows you really want to fix this situation and do what is best for your baby. I really hope things improve and your partner realises that going out and taking drugs to forget his problems is not solving anything.
Having a child is the most life changing experience one can have and it forces you to put someone else first. Its easier for women to get this and make changes as soon as they are pregnant as they are the one carrying this precious life. Perhaps for your partner this realisation will come once your beautiful child is born and is in his arms. I really hope things improve, hang in there and stay strong.
Thinking of you. x
The Following User Says Thank You to stella marie For This Useful Post:
26-01-2012 07:54 #16
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Im sorry to say but I would not be surprised if he is using them more than he admits. My DH used to be involved in this kind of thing and the number of guys that lied to their wives was absolutely shocking. Basically unless the wife or GF was using the drugs too, then they were lied to
At one point I told my DH that I would like him to organize a pre paid funeral plan and to organize his funeral. That way when he died from his drug use then our child (i was preg at the time) and I would be able to have a nice funeral for him. It took alot more than that for him to stop but Long story short he doesn't use drugs at all anymore and has been clean now for well over 4 years.
What he did to u sounds exactly like the craziness that ice brings with taking it. You confront then about their use and all hell will break loose, I know that anger way too well its amazing the difference in my DH now, so things can change!
26-01-2012 08:15 #17
If it was me I'd be packing my bags and going home. As PP said, tell him you will be there when he's ready to grow up but right now you need to think about what's best for you a bub.
26-01-2012 08:15 #18
Hi there again,
I've just read back through my post and feel I ranted at you a bit - sorry! Your post just reminded me of my sister's situation and it's something I feel strongly about. What I failed to do though is give you any actual advice which is what you need so now I will try and do that.
My sister went to a GP that bulk-billed and got a referral to a women's counselling service which is free. She goes and sees someone for a chat every couple of weeks which she finds useful. She is also in a state without family and friends and the counsellor made a really good point when she explained to my sister that it is important she speak about issues regularly with an independent person as otherwise she may start to feel she is to blame for the situation. This is so true as before she started the counselling she was saying that maybe she should be more supportive of her partner, or that she was causing the arguments by confronting him about his behaviour rather than just letting him be etc.
She also joined the local librabry (also free)! being unable to afford baby books she has now read nearly every pregnancy/birth book at the library and this has helped her focus on the baby. The library also has heaps of books on dealing with substance abuse, and also about how to deal with financial issues and bounce back from bankruptcy. I know there is a book by an American guy (can't think of his name) called something like "Starbucks saved my life" who was really rich and then went bankrupt and went to work at the coffee chain starbucks and slowly rebuilt his finances.
Speaking of the drug use, having a family member who is addicted to prescription painkillers I cannot tell you how much it has helped me to speak to the counsellors at my state's drug and alcohol centre (over the phone - free and confdential). They helped me put things in perspective and also how to see things through the eyes of someone who uses drugs which makes it easier for me to handle.
Finally, my husband had to declare bankruptcy a couple of years before we met as his business partner ripped him off. He was only in his early 20's then and at the time we met he was working in a boring 9-5 job slowly trying to rebuild his finances. I honestly had no idea until many years later how deeply the betrayal of his business partner affected him. Not only did he feel humilated that his business folded and that he was a bankupt, he was also hurt that someone he trusted could let him down so badly. Maybe your partner really needs to speak to a counsellor too so he can talk about how this and the court case is affecting him?
Anyway, I really hope you find a way through this mess.
26-01-2012 08:23 #19
Please ask your family or friends to help you with money for air fairs. I'd be leaving now. He NEEDS professional help NOW because it won't be long before he is a full on addict. Meth and speed really screws you up, I assure you the angry outbursts will become more frequent and will also equate.
Please stay safe!!
The Following User Says Thank You to waterlily For This Useful Post:
26-01-2012 09:07 #20Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
First of all I just want to send some your way!
I have to agree with what a few others have said. You need to look after yourself at the moment and that probably means walking away and giving him an ultimatum. He gets himself sorted and gets some help if he wants you and his child in his life. It might just be the push he needs to go and get the help to overcome his problems and if not you are probably best without him (sounds harsh and would be extremely difficult after 9 years together but you can't take the risk that he will get worse and possibly hurt you more next time). Good luck with whatever you decide
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