I want to add that it is not so unthinkable or unforgivable you are just feeling so terribly remorseful! We have all done it and will probably do it again! Write out how you are feeling. You were pushed. It's like someone punching you and you punched back twice as hard. Forgive yourself and apologies, even if you get no sorry back. These words will keep you distant from each other till they are discussed. Give yourself a day at most, don't leave it longer, it will make it too hard to rehash. You and your relationship will recover but he needs to know that he was out of line too. He might think he gets away with it now coz you hit harder. No way! He pushed you there. Make him see the damage he did by saying you were unbalanced so to speak. Be nice to you, you are human. Xxx
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24-01-2012 23:33 #11
25-01-2012 07:37 #12
Marttc, I have said that to DH before in an argument. Not my finest moment either. But like you I was pushed by him to say something I don't necessarily believe....
But unlike your situation I think both DH and I realised that the while situation is an emotional one and sometimes we both say the wrong thing. I dont blame him at all....but he also complains about the $$ side of things alot when I have paid for everything out of my savings I had before I met him....
I hope the situation is a little more positive this morning. I don't agree with him saying he is 'done' because you said one comment he didn't appreciate...that's like blackmail to me.
I would apoligise to him and explain that you were upset at his comments but leave it at that....you both need to take responsibility for the argument and move on....
25-01-2012 08:48 #13
the fact that he said hes DONE after one comment suggests to me there are other underlying stresses on you relationship. noone breaks up over one fight.
i agree with the other girls tho, you have to explain you were pushed. he hit you with a low blow so you responded the same. apologize for what was said, but dont let him make you feel that its ALL your fault. theres always 2 sides to every story.
can you blame it on hormones?
this might be a good time to see if he has other things on his mind, unless he has a quick temper and you know it was just heat of the moment, sounds like hes got other issues he needs to sort out. most IVF clinics have counsellors available, maybe having someone else to talk to is what you both need
i wish you the best of luck Marttc, we can tell you what to do from behind our desks, but its your life, so do whats best for you!
25-01-2012 09:02 #14
Good Luck xxxxx
I agree with waiting for number 2
Last edited by kriista; 25-01-2012 at 09:07.
25-01-2012 17:04 #15
Don't beat yourself up. This whole IVF caper creates such a stressful environment and enough self doubt that the last thing you need to add is guilt. Both DH and I have said things in reference to each others gametes along the way and now we look back on it and laugh.
Just explain to him that it means so much to have a family with him you were stressed about getting the paperwork in on time.
And besides the drugs seem to just over amplify everything. Hang in there and all the best for your cycle.
25-01-2012 17:17 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
Hope you've sorted things with your DH. We all say things we don't mean and having a baby is hard work. I can't imagine how much harder it must be when you need assistance to have one. :-( hugs
26-01-2012 05:54 #17
Thank you for ALL the great replies & support.....
We have sorted it out, had a chat, still a little flat after the nasty exchange in words but his forgiven me & knows that I said it to hurt him rather than cause it is how I feel....
He said he was always worried that could / would be said in a fight & well I said it........
I'm still so disappointed in myself...
Oh gf is here... I'll continue more later...
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