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  1. #1
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    Unhappy I need urgent help!!!

    I have a three month old baby boy and a two and a half year old daughter. Ever since my son was born my daughter has been hitting him especially when he cries. She has also just started pinching and biting him.

    This is not like her at all. She is so kind and gentle and has never hurt another child or anyone else for that matter.

    I have tried EVERYTHING!!! I've tried ignoring it, time out, giving her more attention and involving her more but nothing seems to work.

    By themselves, they're easy to look after but together, it's a nightmare. My stomach is in a knot whenever I have them both. PLEASE, I REALLY NEED SOME ADVISE. I suffer from anxiety as it is and this is just making it worse.

    I can't leave him anywhere except in his bouncer on the dining table. It's the only place he's safe.

    I just want to be a normal family and have my baby boy down with us instead of hidden away on the table.

    Today she bit him on the face and left a mark. I'm worried she'll hurt him really bad.

    Any ideas???

    Sorry for being such a drama queen but this is really getting to me and I don't know where else to turn.

    I don't believe in smacking her or biting her back, I think that will just show her that when you don't like something you be violent.



    The bouncer is on a very large, solid, table. It is completely safe. If he was in a play pen she'd just throw things at him. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
    Last edited by KAB55; 24-01-2012 at 15:22.

  2. #2
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    I would use a playpen, either for the bub or for the toddler. I would be nervous of the bouncer on the table!! or maybe a childproof gate on one door way to keep them apart. I dont know how to stop the toddler from this behaviour. I would probably smack, but I know that is not the best solution. You cant supervise 100% of the time, it only takes a second for something to happen. sorry Im not much help. Marie.

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    Poor thing Does just sound like pure jealousy. I'm sorry I have no advice, I would have done what you already have. I hope someone can offer you some useful advice xx

    When DS2 was born, DS1 screamed every time we held him, fed him, bathed him etc. It lasted a good 3 months or so before he got used to the idea. It is very stressful (there is 20 months between them) He used to try & pull him off me when I was BF, while he was in the middle of a screaming tantrum.

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    I'd go to the doctor and get a referral to see a child psychologist.

    There's something behind these attacks and whether it's jealousy of a younger sibling or something mentally wrong with her {but you haven't mentioned her doing the same to other children, so I don't think so?}, it needs to be dealt with by someone who can give you the best advice.

    Don't ask a forum, go to a professional. She might be frusterated and angry at the baby for taking away what was all of the attention and it will only escalate

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    My neice was 3 when my nephew was born and did exactly the same thing. My SIL was exasperated and worried also but it did get better with time. I'm not sure what they did other than consistently put her in time out for it and watch them like a hawk. My neice was in daycare so it wasn't a problem 24/7 though.

    They are now 6 and 3 and get along just fine, with normal sibling squabbles.

    Hope you find a solution. Its pretty distressing.

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    I don't have more than one bub so I hope you don't mind me responding.

    I too would use a playpen, perhaps teamed with a mosquito net or similar covering to prevent things being thrown.

    If you think it might be a jealousy thing, perhaps ask her to help out with the baby? Get her to make shhh ing sounds to help him to sleep, if he's FF let her hold the bottle with your help, etc. Um, maybe get her a toy doll that she can pretend is her baby and help her learn how to treat little ones.

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    Penny88, thank you for the advise. She already has a doll, a real looking new born one but when her brother is around she's not interested in it. She really does love him. She kisses and cuddles him and then all of a sudden she'll hit or bite. I usually do let her hold the bottle and pass the nappy's and things like that and she'll help out at first then turn violent. Thank you to everyone who replies.

    I just never imagined it would be like this. She is such a loving child, usually. I thought she'd be great with another baby

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    My apologies in advance, I don't have any children.

    One thing my Mum did to get my sister to be nicer to me when I was born and she was 18 months, was to ask my sister to 'help' her look after me.

    She would say to her that since she is such a big girl now, it would be an enormous help to Mummy if she could help her bath me, feed me, dress me etc.

    It made my sister feel very important, and I guess a bit less like she had been replaced, and it stopped her from trying to kill me whenever Mum wasn't looking

    Good luck!

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    I feel for you OP. I'm going thru the exact same thing now with my DS1 who's not quite 2 and a half and DS2 who is only 9 days old!!

    DS1 hasn't bitten him yet, but is quite rough and pinched him once. And every time I breast feed he screams and tries to sit on my lap and pull ds2 off me. But other times he's so affectionate, kisses and cuddles him and says I love my brother.

    I too have tried to get him to help, feed his own doll etc but nothing is helping right now. But we're only 9 days in so I'm hoping with all my mite that this is still the adjustment period and things will get better. It's so stressful tho and I honestly didn't think it would be this hard :-(

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    I really feel for you, I have been going through a similar thing. My son is now almost 5 months and my daughter is 3 and a half. She has pinched him, hit him, bitten him on the finger once, and laid on top of him. I really wasn't expecting this behaviour as she's a bit older. I was finding it so difficult, as you say they're easy to look after on their own but together it's a nightmare. Things have improved for me, she is still a bit rough sometimes but doesn't really hurt him deliberately any more. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I use time out (use a warning first, and then time out if she does it again), I make sure she is involved with care of the baby (like passing nappies to me, choosing what he's going to wear etc), spending some quality time with her when he's sleeping (doing some art and craft, cooking, playing a game). I know you are probably tired and frustrated, but I found that once I started making a real effort to spend quality time with her when I could, her behaviour improved so much.

    I don't agree with the person who said you should take her to a child psychologist. Her behaviour, whilst infuriating, is totally normal for a small child with a new sibling. She has had you to herself for over 2 years and now she has to share you.
    Also sometimes I think it's a case of "What will this little person do if I pinch him?" Keep doing what you are doing, I'm sure things will improve as time goes on. I have found that as my son is getting older and doing more things, she is much more interested in him and less inclined to hurt him.

    Honestly, for the first few months I felt like my sweet, lovely daughter had disappeared, and that our relationship had totally changed, because I just felt so angry and frustrated all the time. Now, I feel like things are back to normal. Good luck, I hope this has been of some help, even if it's only to know that you're not the only one going through it.


 

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