MiM..l ive actually had this running through my head these last few weeks. I don't think humans were made to be monogamous but at the same time I'd feel really wrong doing it and if I were to see DH with another woman, I'd staple his balls to a burning building.
I can imagine it would be very exciting for a while but by the end of it, would it be worth being with somebody who's technically just a friend?
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24-01-2012 09:43 #31
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24-01-2012 10:05 #32
I would not be ok with an open relationship. I would not be ok with visiting a brothel.
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24-01-2012 10:23 #33
Has anyone read "Sex at dawn?" It is all about the evoutionary roots of 'infidelity' and how a lot of our attachment to monogamy is actually based on Christianity, it's a really thought provoking read.
I don't think I would cope with it emotionally, personally, but there are a lot of people who do seem to practise it very happily around the world.
24-01-2012 10:36 #34
I couldn't do it. Two of my friends had open marriages and they both ended with one partner running off with one of the flings they'd ended up falling in love with. An unattached single person who's not exhausted looking after kids can be very appealing, especially when you're having sex with them and enjoying it. It can be hard for the marriage to remain appealing and interesting by comparison.
That said, a platonic relationship is not very appealing to me either. One of those situations where its really hard finding a workable solution. Good luck. I hope whatever you choose, it works out for you.
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24-01-2012 10:37 #35
And I agree that monogamy comes from religion. I think it had something to do with women having children they could not support and marriage was a way to protect the woman and children from being homeless and hungry... Something like that anyway. Forgot where I read it.
Its a very interesting topic. Human sexuality is very interesting and facinating.
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24-01-2012 10:47 #36
24-01-2012 10:53 #37
We have an open relationship. We've been together very strongly for 10 years, married for 6.
We both feel like we've pushed through a huge boundary and there's not much we'd break up over -- there's no jealousy, we're best friends and he's free to do absolutely anything he wants which all keep me feeling very secure that he won't fall in love with anyone else. And if he does, there's nothing I can do about it anyway . . .
When my libido is down I urge him to get it from someone else because I feel really bad for him. Sex is a great confidence booster, and having one-night-stands (for us) is the best confidence booster there is.
But yes, no matter who we have sex with, it is ALWAYS better with each other because we know each other inside out. Nothing beats it.
Last edited by scarymarygoldfish; 12-04-2012 at 20:46.
24-01-2012 10:56 #38
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24-01-2012 11:05 #39
I don't want DP to have sex with someone who isn't me, and I don't want to have sex with someone who isn't him. If it was me who didn't want sex, I'd still have it sometimes. Enough so he wasn't feeling deprived. I have no issues with doing something I don't really want to do for hte sake of someone I love and care about - I don't want to colour in or play Scrabble or anything, but I do that for DD because I love her. If I didn't want sex (just cos I didn't feel like it) I'd do it sometimes anyway, for DP's sake. I'd make like I enjoyed it too, not just lay there like a starfish and wait for him to finish. That's the kind of thing I am happy to do in my relationships.
I suppose if one of us was permanently unable to have sex (disability or something) then we might talk about an open situation... but tbh, I'd probably just invest in some good battery-operated goods. The only reason I have sex is because I enjoy the feeling, but also the feeling of closeness with my partner, so if he couldn't have sex with me, I'd still want to kiss and cuddle and stuff, but just DIY when I needed that release.
24-01-2012 11:09 #40
No I wouldn't be cool with my partner "going for takeout" so to speak if I couldn't cook dinner. What kind of love is that? Where's the passion you have for them? I would like to think if I had a problem with my libido that I would love my partner enough to want to at least try to fix it. If it was a medical issue I'd try hard to get it sorted. If i was exhausted I'd address why (ie. is he not helping enough.)I'm lucky I don't have this problem. My partner is wonderful and respectful, helps out a lot and I do the same for him. I don't really ever get too exhausted to have sex with him because the workload in our house is shared and if I am too tired then he's fine with that. Sometimes I don't feel like doing things for my kids but I do it because I love them and want them to know that. I don't see why that shouldn't extend to my partner.One thing I can't get on here is the total reverse sexism here. If a woman came on here complaining that her husband kept saying he was too tired and shutting her down and not caring about how emotionally lack of sex effects her... Well I'm sure it would be a completely different story. There is always a reason a couple doesn't have sex it's wether or not both parties care enough to address it.
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