I have thought about this. Won't go into it but it was something that has come up. Long story. Don't stress, we're all good!
But, I did find myself thinking that I could be in that position. What I wrote is actually my own thoughts on the matter. I decided that if the intimacy was there in other ways, holding each other, walks on the beach, you know, then I was prepared to deal with that.
You'll have to excuse the iPhone auto correct. It sax!
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23-01-2012 23:45 #11
23-01-2012 23:49 #12
Sorry I'm engaged (have been for nearly 6 years) and we have 3 children. We do dtd about once a week but since he started FIFO 2:2 roster we dtd 2-3 a week. I have a very high libido (could go a few times a day) but he does not and never has.
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23-01-2012 23:58 #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
It's something that I've thought about and discussed with DH as just a random conversation. I think that just hooking up with someone to meet a physical need is good in theory but I just couldn't take the risk that some sort of emotional connection could develop after the fact.
I mean, our relationship has been going on for 15 years and we adore each other, but we see each others worst sides as well as the best. A new person could seem so exciting, no kids walking in, none of the down times that come with a long term relationship, none of the everyday-ness. I just think that perhaps the freshness iykwim, would be really tempting and then an emotional connection/affair could develop, and then it'd be all over red rover.
I don't know if that made any sense, I'm very tired......
24-01-2012 00:00 #14
IMO I think an open relationship could work well if the couple had a "healthy" (and I use that term loosely) relationship and perhaps had extramarital sex as a "complementary" part of their sexlife. If one person in the relationship did not want to have sex, however, I can imagine that it might create friction, resentment and guilt - on both parts.
But it is an interesting thought.
Last edited by MuminMind; 24-01-2012 at 00:12.
24-01-2012 00:04 #15
This is interesting timing MiM, because I have a very close male friend who is at his wits end in his relationship due to this very issue. He loves his long term partner dearly but she really dislikes sex, and therefore they have only had intercourse a few times in the last couple of years. He said he was fine with it to begin with, but after 2+ years he is yearning to be intimate with a woman. I think he's just realised that in their relationship in the future it is highly probable that they will only have sex once or twice each year...forever.
I am someone who needs sexual intercourse a lot more than that (not just for an emotional connection either...sometimes it's just plain physical), so I can really understand his concern.
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24-01-2012 03:34 #16
My DH and I don't have sex. We both have absolutely no interest in it. When we met we did (Hi DS!!) but I developed a thyroid disease and have zero sex drive... and my DH admitted hes just not a sexual person either. We have sex to make babies... and thats kind of debatable also.
We are a very affectionate, intimate and loving couple, our marriage appears happier than many others around us.
I worry about our lack of sex in our marriage because OTHER people make us feel like theres something wrong, but we are okay with it
I don't wish to have sex with my DH even though I am madly in love with him and attracted to him! There is no way I would ever consider an open relationship, because if I wanted to be having sex, I would be having it with my wonderful husband!! I have had this convo with my DH, as he does have some sex drive...! But he also has said, he wouldn't ever think about it because he would hate to lose the innocence our marriage has... he loves me and is okay with the way our situation is. If he was unhappy, it might be different in terms of our sex life, but I know he'd never consider an open relationship, maybe we'd do counselling or something.
Last edited by Shortiii; 24-01-2012 at 03:39.
24-01-2012 04:51 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
Don't think I could ever.do the 'open' relationship thing EVER. Even if I gave permission/we agreed sort of thing it would feel like cheating to me. So I'd end up resenting the fact and it's not undo able, feeling like the relationship wasnt fulfilling needs etc. if I were in a platonic relationship I think there would have to be another way then outside our marriage to fulfill the need..it just wouldn't work
Me and he = DD 18 months and belly bub ( May2012)
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24-01-2012 08:00 #18
No way!!!! Sex with someone I love, to me, is a lot more than meaningless slam bam thank you mam! And if he felt differently where no sex means he was justified in getting 'it' somewhere else, we simply would not be together!
A bloke from his work and his wife are in an open relationship. Dh doesn't go into details but one thing he's noticed is that they still 'hide' things from each other. Which is odd! They are in an open relationship and yet they 'hide' things? Don't understand that!
I believe humans are meant to be monogomous or there would be no such thing as 'jealously' and 'hurt'. Jealously tells me that there's something wrong with sharing your significant other.
24-01-2012 08:05 #19
I'd definitely consider it as I have a very high libido. DH seems to for the most part too but if it ever faded then we would have to discuss our options, so I can't really rule any option out yet.
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24-01-2012 08:10 #20
Oh I forgot about what you said in the title - PLATONIC vs open relationships. Well platonic,to me, means no love, no commitment etc so therefore we would only be friends anyway and wouldn't be having sex with each other either....so an 'open relationship' would not be necessary because you'd just go and be in a relationshiop with someone else.
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