DH is also one with an unusually high libido. His preference for 5ex is 4-5 times daily however I have zero drive since becoming pregnant with this baby and the poor guy is struggling. He does the asking and I do the turning down...but he has never, in almost 8 years, turned me down. I can wake him at 3am and he will still be up for it and he was up for it 4 hours after hernia surgery
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23-01-2012 16:30 #11-
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23-01-2012 16:32 #12
And in my relationship my DP (male) is the one who lacks libido. One of the reasons is due to being on ADs.
It can be quite heartbreaking at times and lead me to feel "rejected" but I understand that it isn't necessarily personal, and I know that DP feels guilty about it. He doesn't need more pressure, only encouragement to seek treatment.
I don't believe that this gives me reason to stray, or that he *should* have sex with me for the sake of my needs. If a relationship has these issues, they need to be addressed. If nothing can be done and the relationship is becoming completely platonic, we would have to make an ongoing assessment of the relationship. I personally have a relatively high sexdrive and don't think I could maintain a platonic relationship.
However, I do know many who could; both males and females - in heterosexual and same-sex relationship.
23-01-2012 16:32 #13
In regards to no sex being a problem in relationships...
My DH and I don't have sex. Neither of us want it... or are bothered by the fact that we only have sex to create children... and even thats kind of debatable.
We are a very loving an affectionate couple, and have a happier marriage than most around us... I don't think sex is the be all and end all.
I feel worse because people tell us there is something wrong in our marriage.. I feel like everyone is telling us we SHOULD be having more sex, we should be more interested. I have a thyroid problem and my DH has low sex drive, we're okay with it.
I think if one of us was unsatisfied then yes of course it would be a problem.. But we're happy... having NO sex.
I know in past relationships when I was turned down, I felt rejected by my partner, I guess there would come to the point where you'd stop asking... I have always found to be the one with a higher libido in relationships before my thyroid disease, not the man.
23-01-2012 16:41 #14Senior Member
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- Nov 2008
I just can't be bothered sometimes..my man is up for it ALL the time..even if he is very ill!!..sometimes I just want to watch TV and do my own thing!!
Although yesterday we had the day to ourselves ....ended up having a quickie in the disabled toilets at Myer in the city..was super fun!!!!! (I like doing it in different places)
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23-01-2012 16:47 #15
I think in general, society teaches women a 'good' wife puts out when she's told bc men are such one dimensional creatures that only need sex to be happy and if they don't get it, their one track minds will seek it elsewhere. Furthermore that if a woman doesn't give sex whenever and where ever he asks that it's somehow her fault.
To me it's an insult to women AND men. To tell women they are in charge of keeping him happy with lots of sex, and insulting to men bc it paints them as so superficial and self absorbed.
23-01-2012 16:48 #16
In our relationship I'm the one with the high libido, I could of had s3x 2-3 times a day in the beginning now, after years of rejection I only initiate it the first time he is home on r&r I have been broken by the years of rejection and it still hurts that I was the one that had to change, we have tried just doing it, yanno that getting into the mood thing, giving it a go and while he can do it I can tell he is not "there" and I hate that thought so I never pressure him into it or ask anymore, I will let him know that I am up for it verbally but I never physically because he actually hates being touched when he is not in the mood and I respect that boundary. There are no issues when we do have s3x it's actually gotten better as the years have gone by (not that it was bad or unsatisfactory to begin with!) and since he has started doing 2:2 roster we do have it more often which is awesome
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23-01-2012 16:54 #17
I used to feel this way when my ex and I were having issues so one of the things I tried was to force myself to be interested in sex and to try and spice things up. Found out later that he was enjoying the sex - but he was also having an affair at the same time. So he was getting double - sex from her then come home and had sex from me.
Then I got with a man who respects me for the person I am and we actually connect on such a deep intimate level that although sex is important and great...it is not necessary! I tested this (not on purpose) by us going a whole year (with no definite end to it) without sex and it didn't even show a 'blip' on our relationship!
I feel that trust has a lot to do with it, not trust as in trusting the person to not sleep with someone else or trusting that they won't spend over our budget....I mean trust in the bedroom. It's only now that I realise that the pressure and guilt my ex used to put on me for not wanting sex (even after I'd JUST had a baby) really chipped away at the trust in our relationship. I wasn't as open sexually to him....sex seemed like a chore to me (even though sometimes it was still fun). I felt pressure to 'perform' or risk my relationship breaking down! Sex was used as manipulation. It was used as a threat of sorts...because I believed that if I didn't do it...my relationship would end!
This is not on! And I know that now! I will not tolerate being told otherwise - not anymore!
To be with a man, now, who respects me for the woman I am, and my body for not putting ANY pressure on me WHATSOEVER and never expecting it. Never using 'lack of' for an excuse for his behaviour in any way. To respect that I'd had a baby and that my hormones were dictating to me that sex was NOT on the table for a whole YEAR!!!! And him respecting and understanding that simple fact! Now I know!
Now I know how it's meant to be. Now I know what intimacy really is! Now I know that a relationship breaking down because of 'lack of sex' is absolute bullsh!t!!! Now I have found my sexual liberty....so much so that the trust that I have for that man has made it so that I have had the best sex with him I have ever known! We have the best sexual relationship EVER!!! And I'm free to be 'me' now!
23-01-2012 16:57 #18
Prior to TTC, my DH and I didn't have sex regularly.
I resent the insinuation that our marriage is in trouble because we don't DTD as regularly as complete strangers would like us to.
DH has a high sex drive. I do not. I don't think saying no to him makes me a bad wife, contrary to popular belief.
In fact, I am extremely concerned by the general acceptance that if one person has a high sex drive, it is the other person's responsibility to please them, even if they don't feel like it.
Having sex regularly is not the be all and end all of every relationship.
23-01-2012 17:53 #19
Actually, studies show that women not only have a high sex drive on average http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/sexsurv.htm but are just as aroused by pron as men http://www.livescience.com/799-women...ic-images.html
23-01-2012 18:03 #20
Well if the other person is satisfied of course it's no biggie. I thought however we were talking about when someone is unhappy they are not getting enough sex. If the person doesn't have some kind of sex addiction and just wants an average amount of sex but gets next to nothing why shouldn't they care? I think it's very selfish and one sided to say well I just don't have a big sex drive deal with it. Just as selfish to say I have a big sex drive deal with it. IMO if someone can't meet in the middle with their partner there's an issue after all a partner means equal?
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