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  1. #1
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    Default When to start DTD again??

    Hey all,

    Just wondering if it's just me or are others feeling the same - DS is 8 weeks old now and my wound has healed nicely from the c-section but I just have no desire to DTD with DH. We've talked about wanting more children but I'm just not interested in being intimate with him at all so I can't even imagine having more.
    DS has been co-sleeping but now we're starting to get him into his cot so I know it's coming I'll have to do it soon, but TBH I don't really like DH much at the moment, I'm just as tired as him but because he has to go to work and I get to stay home means that I have to be up feeding (DS is bottle fed) in the middle of the night, I do the changes too, sometimes he will sit with me but that just annoys me because if he's going to do that then i'd appreciate more that he does the feed and lets me sleep more than him sitting with me. He doesn't do anything unless I ask him to, not changing, not feeding, not dishes, not bottles nothing unless I say, I feel like I have to make all the decisions about everything and I don't want to and after his mothers visit (she lives overseas) I've noticed all the things he does that are like her, and there are a lot of them. I don't like his mother, we do not get along (that's another story), I'm so glad she lives overseas.
    The sad part is I used to really miss him when he was gone, I really loved him a lot, I couldn't wait till he got home, and we talked about everything, i loved getting calls from
    him, i loved getting text messages, he is a good man. He at least does all the cooking coz I hate it. And he would do anything i ask of him (but I don't want to ask I just want to share the load when he's home) But things feel different now since his mother has been and gone, she was a misery guts the whole time she was here, complained about everything and compared everything to where she is from, coz its all better there apparently. We had a few arguments about it while she was here coz he never says anything to her about the way she talks or the things she says and that annoys me.
    I'm worried things have changed and that I can't fix them, I was ready to send him home with her while she was here (she was that rude and nasty) just so I never had to see her again even though I don't even see her that much now, only on Skype and I make myself busy then.
    He sneaks off and sleeps on the bed after he gets home and that annoys me coz I would love a nap.
    I'm worried that all these feelings after his mothers been have changed everything forever and that's why I'm not interested in DTD now. I'm so confused about my feelings and I don't know how to change them back to the way they were.

    When were you DTD again? When did you feel like you wanted to DTD again? Or am I just being a b!tch?

    Sigh... Sorry for being a big sook...

  2. #2
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    MILs can have that affect.

    Give it a week or 2 & you may feel better about things.

    Just keep talking to DH, hugs

  3. #3
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    I think it can be quite common to resent your partner after you have a baby. You're sleep deprived and adjusting to a really big change in both your lives. I found having a baby made me discover things about my DH's personality that I never knew before and we'd been together for 10 years!!!

    You need to talk to him about what you need from him. Some men honestly believe that because you're home all day, you are relaxing and have time to do everything. Educate him! The best way to do this might be to go out for a few hours and leave him with the baby-that'll show him pretty quickly that it's not a big holiday :-)

    As for DTD, I was less keen second time around but did it at around 6-7 weeks. Sometimes the idea of it is unappealing but once you actually do it, it's not that bad.

  4. #4
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    I could have written some of this after I had my DD two years ago. Sleep deprivation and complete life changing event such as new bub can cause huge emotional upheaval and 'taking it out' on nearest person can be your first reaction. I had PND in diagnosed until 4/5 months PP also. For me, the love for DH came back once I got some sleep (well it was always there, just hidden sometimes).. Remember none of us would marry our MILs!!! I'm sure you'll rekindle those nicer feelings for DH when things settle. In the meantime as PP says its important to keep talking... Best of luck,

  5. #5
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    No wonder you don't want to DTD, it sounds like it's not a physical thing so much as a not feeling very "in love" thing right now. I'd focus more on the relationship side of things for a bit, and the sex will come in time. Your DH is probably feeling the strain too, so like others have said, keep talking, look after yourself and remember the best way to want to DTD is to just do it


 

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