sounds EXACTLY like i felt.....and how my DH would act sometimes....firstly let me tell you this....staying at home and craing for a baby + doing ALL the housewoerk is way wayyyyyyyyyyy harder than going to work for 8-10hours..i know cos ive done both and work is easier...he gets time out at work ie eating lunch in peace, making a cofee when he feels like it etc.....you often cannot do this at home...so DO NOT feel like u HAVE to do all the housework etc...i fell into this trap and its completely unbalanaced. so dont think thsi way.....EXPECT him to help out MORE at home..after all there is another person in then house now as well. my dh used to whinge that i didnt do enuf but he did nothing either..after a final major hissy fit i finally got it through his head that im SICK of being expected to do everything....i ask him to do stuff and NEVER opt out....ie if he hasnt done his bnt confront him, dont just "let it slide"....
my DH would do the same re giving uo after 10 minutes of loking after DS...u have to be tough in this situation and shut a door / leave the house / confront the behaviour.....i helped us when i also admitted that i TOO need a break and want a break from DS....
its hard, i hope the counelling works....i really think its comes down to communicationa nd even if u do at times leave him with it, explain why....i find otherwise it can just build resentment and u get into a tit for tat situation....
his behaviour has NOTHING to do with (your???) PND.....thats a cop out. does he have male PND too???
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21-01-2012 06:17 #11Senior Member
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- Sep 2008
21-01-2012 06:19 #12
This is exactly how things used to be in our household... He is now my Ex.
I really hope the two of you get through this. I'd be saying to the counsellor that yes, it is definitely healthy to recognise when you need time out, but it shouldn't be at the expense of your partner.
As far as i was concerned, what needed to happen was that we both did everything that needed to be done, then we BOTH had time out...
21-01-2012 08:30 #13
Thanks everyone. We talked through it this morning and he apologised. He said he's just under a lot of pressure at work and worried about the problems we've been having so it's just all getting to him. I told him all it takes is for him to say "I'm exhausted, had a shocking day at work and really just want to go to bed early - is there anything you need me to do before I go to bed?". He acknowledged that and said he'll make an effort to do that more.
He also said I should have a few hours on the weekend to just do my own thing so I'm happy about that. I told him I don't want him to treat it like he's doing me a favour but just do it because taking care of DD is as much his job ad it is mine.
We have discussed getting a cleaner once a fortnight if he gets his salary increase. We definitely will get one when I go back to work in a few months.
Thanks again everyone, I feel better today but it's a work in progress.
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21-01-2012 08:49 #14
I'm glad to hear he has acknowledged your feelings. DH doesn't do a huge amount around the house unless I ask him, but then since the kids were born he would change nappies, bath them, read them bed time stories, play with them. So I guess I forgive the housework bc he's great with the kids.
21-01-2012 09:08 #15
That's great news!!! Glad to hear he can see where your coming from. Now to plan some time for yourself
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