I dont really have much advice for you, but I can see you are hurting a lot! Many many hugs, no matter what hun, it will get better xx
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17-01-2012 14:31 #11
17-01-2012 15:11 #12
I dont want to come off as aggressive, but was he like this with you before you got pregnant with the last? are they all his children, does he even need visitation rights and have you thought about full custody so that you can move away and not have to deal with travel etc.
I had a hard time when i first found out I was pregnant with DP but only because we were freaked, i got to the point even where i said fine ill do it by myself and if he's going to treat me like this i dont want him involved, but when i got to the point he saw I actually didnt care how stupid he was acting he turned around and we are fine now, but what my point is, is that you need to put your foot down. especially being pregnant you dont need stress and more things making u feel like crap!! I personally think, go full custody, move closer to the school because that gives you a location so you dont need more to think about and start a new life with this baby where you can be positive about life and have help and support. there is support out there you just need to ask.
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17-01-2012 16:00 #13
he sounds like a jerk.. you're better off without him (he'd just be an extra child to take care of).
I feel exactly the same though about my exhusband and it's been 2.5 years! it's getting better but sometimes I feel such seething resentment for the life he's 'given me' all because he just couldn't step up and be a man/be the husband/father he was supposed to be. But in reality he was never that man, he was never going to step up.. I just thought he would but he was never that man. 2.5 years apart remind me that he hasn't changed one tiny bit. you're better off on your own, as hard as it is... at least you can control something in your life and the resentment isn't there everyday.. only when you see them.
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17-01-2012 16:09 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2010
I haven't read all the replies but here's my bit.
Suck it up & snap out of it ( in a nice way ) don't waste ANYMORE of your life on that jerk!!!
The hard bit is done, you have called it quits, from now on you & only you are in control of your future, no more dead weight holding you back or down.
In a years time when you look back on today you will see how far you have come & you won't be pregnant then so pour yourself a drink & celebrate.
All I have written has been with good intentions, I have been where you are now & made it out the other end & it's awesome. All you can do is keep taking it a day at a time. Concentrate only on you & the kids & enjoy how great your life is going to be.
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17-01-2012 16:18 #15
Wow. Sorry I just read a few of your earlier posts about him..
I'm really not saying this to hurt you or upset you, I just want to say,
He's truly a selfish little brat! No better words for it! He's obviously taken you completely for granted and treated you like a posession and slave to stay home and be bound to the house and kids alwats while he goes around doing whatever and THEN using you as his power trip when he wonders on home.. you do not need this guy.. What a piece of dirt.
Honestly, I wouldnt care if he didnt see the kids, seriously, do you really want him teaching them his way of life?? Monkey see monkey do.. Or stepping in and out on them and using them to put down when he feels he needs a lift as well? what a mentally abusive neglectful ****.
There are real men out there hun, not like this... boy.
You will be ok, I know it's tough, but there are options for breaks, kids go to school at 5 and you can organise kindy and work or study if you need to have a break from the crazy homelife in your routine.
Dont think about all the "fun" hes having, hes just living his life as a freeloading idiot who no decent people will ever see as an adult <3 Let him keep his crappy life, yours can only get better without him!
Sorry to go on an anger rant, Its just when I read all that other stuff I felt all your anger, I would have hit him with a frying pan a long time ago! lol
You deserve better!
17-01-2012 16:35 #16
Very true about there being others.
I try to tell my mother of 1 cousin this but she keeps going for BOYS 10 years younger than herself and keeps getting messed around. Ive told her stop pushing to find someone, focus on yourself and it will come when its supposed to happen. I wasnt looking for DP when i found him, i wanted the total opposite in fact, i had so many boys wanting to "marry" me, and not until I met DP i knew i didnt want to keep "playing the field". it will happen and someone will love your kids as if they were his. remeber guys out there have circumstances too why they maybe never got to have kids or cant and would love someone settled like you to take on that father role. the world is full of many different kinds of ppl to take on the different life situations. you jkust need you time for now
and end of the day, you get to see YOUR kids, his choice not to see his is because he cant grow the f up!
17-01-2012 16:39 #17
I'm not single so I
Don't want to step on toes but I say if you feel angry, let it out, of you want to cry, let it out, it's natural and I would be very ****ed off too
Big hugs x
17-01-2012 17:51 #18
The anger really hurts for a long time, but it does get easier with time.
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17-01-2012 18:06 #19
It's all so hard isn't it. BUT, it does get better.
It's hard having to do it all alone, and you'll probably always have moments of anger over the inequity of it all, but you'll get into your groove of things.
I will suggest to have everything documented. Get mediation in place now, look into property settlement details now. I was naive and thought my ex would be rational and always consider my son's best interests. So now I'm stuck trying to get legal representation and it's either wait for public help (fat chance), find a pro-bono lawyer (fat chance again), or get a loan and pay someone
19-01-2012 23:16 #20Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
I'm not a single mum and I have no real advice, but I do have lots of hugs.
Also, when the kids get too much, take a deep breath, close your eyes and imagine the reaction of driving the kids to his place, letting all of you into the house, making yourself a cuppa, sitting at the kitchen table and letting the kids wake him up with their yelling and arguments and kid behavior that gets too much for even the most patient of people to handle. Then have a bit of a giggle to yourself.
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