If you put on a few kilos, got a new haircut or hair colour, bought a new outfit or started to walk around in your track pants all day, every day, would you want you partner to tell you that they don't like your new look? Would you be offended if he/she were to tell you they weren't very attracted to you? Silly question, of course you would. But would you change your appearance or do something different?
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16-01-2012 15:57 #1
Would you want to hear the truth
16-01-2012 16:01 #2-
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
I would want my partner to be completly honest about all aspects of our relationship, so if that means him telling me he doesn't like my new haircut or thinks I could shed a few kg's I would be fine with that, so long as it wasn't said in a nasty way. And vice versa.
16-01-2012 16:05 #3
Lol, I tell DH almost daily I am not into the way he looks these days. He is either in his grotty work gear or a beer singlet and shorts. He also sports a Carlton draught trucker hat. Yep. We have compromised though, if we are leaving the house I can get clothes out for him and he considers wearing them. He usually does.
I would probably do the same if roles were reversed. I think. I can't actually imagine DH noticing if I started wearing a gorilla suit...
16-01-2012 16:06 #4
Yes i would want to know even though it would probably make me feel awful for a short time then i would pick myself up and try to fix the problem in any way i could.
Honesty is very important to me not matter how much it hurts.
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16-01-2012 16:07 #5
I kinda got side tract. Yes, I would want to know his thoughts, and as long as I felt comfortable and he voiced his opinion in a nice way I would probably take it on board!
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16-01-2012 16:07 #6
I am not sure I would want to know! Because knowing me, I would then change it to make them happy... and then start feeling like I had changed for them and feel resentful... Maybe I could handle hearing it if I were the type of person who could just let it roll off my back and do what I want anyway.
I have told DP things like that about him though. (I have a lot of double standards!)
16-01-2012 16:09 #7
16-01-2012 16:10 #8
In another life (before DH), I had been dating a guy for about a year. I was going through a bit of a rough patch, and one day I just felt like I needed a change. I decided to go to the hairdresser and have my longish hair cut into a short bob.
Everyone told me it looked lovely, and I was so excited waiting for him to get home from work so I could surprise him with it. Unfortunately, his response of; "That is the ugliest I've ever seen you look" wasn't exactly what I was hoping for.
I can't tell you the damage that did to my self esteem. I wore my hair pinned back in a ponytail for six months until it had grown back enough for the style I had cut in to no longer be recognizable.
After that experience, I have to say, if my DH ever said anything like that to me about my appearance the only action I would take would be to get the h3ll away from him.
I don't think I need to worry too much though - my DH thinks I'm pretty when I'm bedridden with the flu and my eyes are glued together with conjunctivitis and there is stale drool on my chin, so I don't think an extra kilo or two would be a deal breaker
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16-01-2012 16:13 #9
Sure, but I won't change just to please him.
DH doesn't like how much weight I'm carrying, he's mentioned it and is supporting my efforts to change it, but I'm doing it for me.
I hate his hair, but he won't change it no matter how much I say I don't like it.
16-01-2012 16:15 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
I think it depends on how it was done.
E.g., if I was wearing something unflattering then I would like it if DH said "I think the other top was better" or "I don't think that one is very flattering", or even "You've been wearing trackies a lot lately - I really love to see you dressed up."
If he said "That top makes you look fat" or "Stop wearing trackies, you slob!" - then I would have a problem. (Not that he would ever do that, but just making the point).
If I had gained weight and was somehow oblivious of it (unlikely!) then I would have no problem with him saying "Let's go to the gym together" or "You haven't been yourself lately - let's try to get a bit healthier and fitter together."
I would have a problem with "You look fat" or "You're not attractive any more."
To me the 'not attractive' conversation would have to come after a long period of subtle/ kind discussions, after which I had done nothing at all. I don't see how it could ever come out of the blue, or be a starting point.
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