I dont know why but after 4 years of not seeing or speaking to my mother, she is all of s sudden getting to me and it is all facebooks fault!
Basically my mother is a canniving, manipulative controlling, self absored evil women - and no I am not exagerating
A bit of background - I grew up in NZ, we were poor, my father worked night shift as it paid more then day shift, but even as a supervisor he was only on $12 an hour. My mother made him work as much over time as he humanly could and even that wasnt enough for her. Her cigarettes and beer was more important then feeding and clothing my brother and I.
I never had any family around growing up - I knew I had Aunties and Uncles and lots of cousins within walking distance but were never allowed to see them, I was told this is because they were bad people, and my mother didnt want us to be around them.
I was constantly beaten and ridiculed by my mother, nothing I ever did was good enough. My brother had a learning disability and some how this was my fault. I was smart, I am smart, but because my brother couldnt read or write (hardly a disability really) I never got the attention and support I needed to live up to my true potential.
When I started high school I realised that my mother was not like all my freinds mothers. I wanted to spend more and more time away from home, staying at friends houses for weekends, not just nights, because it was good to be included in a household where smokes and booze wasnt the most important thing.
We moved to Australia in March 2001. Things didnt get any better, smokes and beer was still the most important thing in my mothers life but because my dad was on a lot better money then he was in NZ, she could now afford more beer and just about over night became a raging alcoholic.
When I bought my now DH home for the first time she instantly hated him (mind you she hated every guy I had ever bought home)
The difference between my DH and all the other guys though, was that he was emotionally strong and didnt put up with her crap. He could see straight through her and could see that she had been emotionally abusing me for years, and holding me back, making me believe that I would always need to rely on her, controlling me and not letting me be myself. He sat me down and spoke to me and made me take a step back and see it, and well I could see it and it shocked me to the core.
The more time I spent with DH, the more she got jealous and the worse her behaviour became. The more she played up the more I wanted nothing to do with her. She would tell anyone that would listen that he was a fat useless lian and I must be a magnet for people just like me.One day, about 3 months before my wedding things exploded and I havent seen or spoken to her since. Unfortunately this meant that I cant have a relationship with my father, he is a good guy, I love him and miss him dearly, but he is completely under her spell and will be until the day she dies.
Since having family back in my life I have had to opportunity to find out about my child hood - everyone said they had felt sorry for me as a child as I always seemed distant and withdrawn, my Aunties were all really upset when my father (he has 4 sisters) married my mother. She caused a lot of sh!t, and lied to alot of people. She had lied alot to me as well, bad lies to make me hate my family. I asked my Aunties questions of things my mother had told me over the years, like when my dad was 15 he had cancer, mother told me that Nanna and Pop made him ride his bike to the hospital to have his chemo, and then ride home - LIE, my Nanna gave up full time work to look after him.
There are alot of other lies too but it is far to long to go into, all I know though is my whole childhood is a lie, everything I know and remeber, is all a bunch of sh!t
Anyway, to get to the point of the story - she has joined facebook. I have my facebook locked up so tight but still she find things out about me and what I am doing, and so does my brother, who I forgot to add is the spitting image of her now - they are exactly alike and his wife is very impressionable and weak and is now under mothers control, she spilled in quite nicely to my old life when I left it.
DH says not to let her get to me, but I dont know what else I can do to get her completely out of my life!! My facebook is locked up so tight that even DH cant comment on my wall, I have changed my mobile number like 3 times since I stopped talking to her, FIL offered to change the home phone number even though he has had it for 30+ years, I dont pick up calls that come up with an unkownen or silent number for fear it might be her and I have legally changed my name so that I no longer have the name she gave me at birth or her name as my middle name...
What else can I do to keep her away from me and stop finding out about me??
I am so sorry this is so long winded, I have been keeping this inside for 27 years now and I just needed to get it out, once I started I couldnt stop.
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16-01-2012 09:39 #1
The women who gave birth to me.....
Last edited by siege; 16-01-2012 at 09:42. Reason: fixing spelling
16-01-2012 09:48 #2
Have you blocked her on Facebook also? If you block her and anyone else that has anything to do with her they can't see anything. Or remove your fb account.
I know you shouldn't have to but it might just make life easier.
I'm so sorry to hear your story x
16-01-2012 10:41 #3
what a horrible time you've had of it with your family.
I agree with blocking her and anyone else she has contact with so they can't see anything on your FB.
Or delete FB and make a new account in a fake name for your friends.
If you want to know just what non-friends can see on your FB, feel free to PM me your name and I can look and tell you. (I know that sounds stalkerish, but I mean it in a nice way )
16-01-2012 10:42 #4
Lol Cali ! Good idea though!
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16-01-2012 10:52 #5
I would probly delete facebook, I deleted facebook about 6 months ago and its the best thing i could have done! people say they have it to keep in touch ect, but thats why we have mobile phones and email. Your husband is right DONT LET IT GET TO YOU. I know its easy to say but you need to not think about her. She cant hurt you anymore.
16-01-2012 11:12 #6
I agree that you should block her. I have blocked a few people on my facebook and it makes life a lot easier. You shouldn't have to delete facebook because of her.
I would also suggest changing your name to something else temporarily (you won't need a new facebook account...if she's blocked and searches for you under someone elses name then she won't know it's you).
Sorry to hear you are going through this, how stressful
16-01-2012 11:28 #7
I'm not 100% sure how this works but you can change all your friends settings so as not to be subscribed to comments, you can still see them on your wall but it won't post on the sideline bit for other people to see - maybe that's how she is getting the information. HTH, I'm not very good on facebook.
16-01-2012 11:33 #8
Thank you for your replies
I did what SuperTrooper suggested and made a 'ghost account" just to check my settings and it wasnt as tight as I thought it was Maybe when I changed over to the new time line thing it upset my settings? I have gone in and changed everything to be 'friends only" or "me only" and blocked my friends list, but you can still see things on my wall - no posts and no statuses, but things like who I have just become friends with, or who I was with at a place on the weekend etc. I have changed everything and it is still not enough.
Am now going to add her and brother to my block list and delete all mutual friends, most I dont speak to anyone and the 1 person that I do will understand and will keep in contact via email.
I really dont want to have to delete my account, I mainly use it to keep in contact with family in NZ but id rather do everything via email or rake up international calls on my phone bill then have her know my every move.
Thanks again ladies
16-01-2012 11:37 #9
Fairly sure if you go to your page, click on the x after hovering above the posts which appear public, you should be able to remove from your timeline...
16-01-2012 11:48 #10
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