I can't see the original question..0? But I want to say that I feel I have been a very responsive parent with a confident little man.. I wouldn't label my parenting at all but I did baby wear and feed on demand and co sleep etc. and then I tried childcare. It went horribly. So I feel it is true that some AP children don't adjust to childcare easily at all. And I also worked in childcare and agree that it can be a nightmare for carers when a child comes in who is used to being carried around and isn't used to being left.. But this question is about school aged children and tbh as time has gone on I have realised that maybe 2 or 3 is too young for some kidis and was too young for my child particularly to be with anyone but my own family or myself. Childcare did a lot of damage to my sons confidence actually. It was a Montessori place and they would leave him screaming for me at the door. Never consoled him. It took a long time to undo that damage. Fast forward to now. He is about to start kindy and he is definitely ready now. No doubt about it. He knows many kids in class already and has played with them for years, he knows the short walk to kindy off by heart and he knows that I am just down the road with the baby. He is super excited and on orientation he pretty much told me to go away lol. I agree with others, that as kids get older responsiveness can look different and childrens needs change with time
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15-01-2012 13:03 #31Senior Member
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15-01-2012 14:59 #32
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15-01-2012 16:46 #33
Thanks for replies. I am not here to be offensive just curious so please don't take my questions this way...
* no offense taken at all. All your questions are perfectly reasonable - I think they are some common misconceptions - my first impression when I first heard about AP (from someone who was anti-AP) was thinking it meant something along the lines of what you *seem* to be thinking.
And I highly recommend reading the link I put up as it covers a lot of the below.
If you are an AP do you follow your child around the playground/park to make sure they don't get hurt or do you allow them to explore on their own and watch them from a safe distance?
* for me because my son is totally confident on his own I just watch from a distance & intervene when I need to. I also don't tend to rush to him when he falls, I give him a moment to work out his reaction (and if he cries then rush to him )
If you are talking to another adult and your child wants to go on the swings do you excuse yourself to give your child what they want or ask then to wait til you have finished the conversation?
* I finish my conversation. He's 3, he can find another activity at the playground if I'm busy. Because my social time is important too.
Does the father stay in the bed when you co sleep or do they sleep else where and are they OK with that?
*sometimes. He sometimes slept in the another bed. He was sometimes not 100% happy. But then I'd remind him tough really, he should count his blessings he could opt to go and sleep in another bed in another room and have 8 uninterrupted hours sleep.
Does everything revolve around the child or do they have to learn to fit in?
* child IMO sort of more learns to fit in. For me being AP meant I continued my life, I shopped, I socialized, I worked, I just took him everywhere with me. As a baby all he needed was me & nappies. I breast fed on demand, baby wore, so I just toted him around & that's when he was happiest.
Now he's a bit older (3 ) he does require more 'him' focused activities (like going to the park etc) But even said, he is still pretty chilled to just go along with whatever we are doing & we just make whatever we are doing fun for him.
Last edited by Boobycino; 15-01-2012 at 16:49.
15-01-2012 17:17 #34
I think different children respond in different ways but from a professional and personal pespective I know that a secure attachment to primary caregivers (be that parents, extended family or childcarers) will help any child to better manage situations. There is a wonderful program that is often used with families called circle of security that is based around attachment theory, the best analogy I have heard is to imagine your child has a vessel(cup) that needs to be full for them to be able to regulate their feelings and cope with situations, when they are stressed they take from the cup, when the cup starts to feel empty they need to come to you to help refill the cup, then they can go off again until they need another refill. Children who have a full cup or know they can go for a refill as needed feel safer and more able to go out and explore the world than a child whose cup is empty or who are not sure if they can go for a refill. Children who are not securely attached do not have a reserve to draw upon and are stressed when they are not able to refill their cup. I consider my child to be securely attached and as a result he is very confident and inquisitive but even then sometimes when I find myself busy or distracted and not able to 'refill' his cup his behaviour does change.
I think this attachment can also be present at school, I have made a conscious decision to send him to a school where attachments are still a priority but I think this is possible at any school depending on the teachers.
15-01-2012 17:25 #35-
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i consider us AP,(though we just did what felt right for us, and had no idea there was even a name for it)
dd cosleeps with us usually, she starts nights in her bed, and sometimes comes in during the night.
i often sleep in the spare room and dd and dh cosleep (especially being preggers im extra tired)
she cries to go into creche and loves it. she going to daycare 1day per week and has loved the occaisional care there.
as far as older kids go i was raised in a AP family and am very confident and positive person. im very tough and have lived through various tragedies without permanant emotional damage, due to my family connection and personality.
all my siblings are similar so AP worked for our family (im a 4th generation ap apparently)
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