My AP child knew that all of her needs where met, and some of her wants, when she needed them to be. She therefore blossomed into a beautifully confident and happily independent little girl who was excited to go off to school. Of course she's not APed whilst she's at school - they don't have the resources to respond to each and every child's needs as they come up. Thankfully she understands that at home her needs are met appropriately, she's treated like a human being and has a part in the decisions that concern her, and she always has a voice. This mitigates any damage that school not being able to meet her immediate needs might do.
**I am stating that I am categorically NOT commenting on anybody else's parenting here. When I state my child is treated like a human being, for example, I am *NOT* saying that other people don't treat theirs like humans. Only that we do.
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14-01-2012 22:52 #21
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14-01-2012 22:53 #22
You just breastfeed through the cyclone fence at playtimes and lunchtime.
Seriously though, it is more about being responsive to your child's feelings and needs as previous posters have said.
15-01-2012 07:51 #23
15-01-2012 10:38 #24Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
Thanks for replies. I am not here to be offensive just curious so please don't take my questions this way...
If you are an AP do you follow your child around the playground/park to make sure they don't get hurt or do you allow them to explore on their own and watch them from a safe distance?
If you are talking to another adult and your child wants to go on the swings do you excuse yourself to give your child what they want or ask then to wait til you have finished the conversation?
Does the father stay in the bed when you co sleep or do they sleep else where and are they OK with that?
Does everything revolve around the child or do they have to learn to fit in?
I should read the article but don't have time right now....
This mitigates any damage that school not being able to meet her immediate needs might do.
This comment disturbs me though
15-01-2012 11:11 #25
Samiam- yes you really need to read the article, I think you are getting confused between attachment parenting and helicopter parenting - totally different things, AP demands a lot of close physical contact with your kids but this closeness is not hovering , for us yes my DS sleeps with both of us, always has
15-01-2012 11:23 #26
I think the OP is also getting confuse with permissive parenting - AP is NOT permissive parenting, there are boundaries and discipline.
And to answer, yes dh sleeps with me and ds, if we have more kids we'll buy another queen mattress and join the mattresses together
*** end of transmission ***
15-01-2012 11:24 #27
AP is NOT about making the child the centre of the universe or meeting their every need immediately, especially at the expense of other people's needs. It's about allowing a child to develop appropriate emotional and psychological ATTACHMENTS (ie this is where the name ATTACHMENT in Attachment Parenting comes from) - using the creation and maintenance of appropriate boundaries as a tool. It is *not* permissive parenting, or helicopter parenting. In fact a very LARGE part of AP, by allowing a child to be secure in their attachments, build confidence and explore their environment in a way that is both safe and age-appropriate.
I'm not sure why my quote 'disturbs' you, but let me clarify - I do not mean that I expect my child to be treated as a little princess who won't be allowed to so much as break a fingernail on her precious little finger. FAR from it - in fact, I encourage my children to explore their world and understand the natural consequences of it (within reason. Obviously I'm not going to allow them to electrocute or poison themselves, but by occasionally hurting themselves in minor ways they come to understand the consequences of their actions). However when natural consequences are used, we don't shame or humiliate either.
What I meant by what you quoted is just that - schools, because they have so many students that they must cater to, cannot always cater to a child's immediate needs. If my DD doesn't understand why it is that she can't complete a task that she's heavily invested in and must move on to another tasks, I don't expect the school to put up with a tantrum about it. I also understand that they lack resources and might not alwayshave the time to patiently explain that she can come back to it later (or to do what we might do at home and negotiate with her what she might do to help herself feel better - or renegotiate the activity that they had planned on doing in lieu of letting her complete the task that she wants to finish). Of course she has to fit in with what's going on there and sometimes that can be good for her understand of how the world works - but that doesn't mean that she doesn't experience damage from that. And mitigating that damage is her very strong, and very appropriate attachment to her primary carers (me, her father, and her grandparents).
I'm not sure why that 'disturbs' you? Perhaps you could explain what it is that is you find 'disturbing'?
Last edited by Tam-I-Am; 15-01-2012 at 12:19.
15-01-2012 11:53 #28
It sounds to me like the OO has some valid queries in relation to this style of parenting.
OP: My child does not have a father, but I guess if she did, he woyld be free to choose where to sleep and we would work it out together.
As for school, I guess damage can be taken a number of ways. I do not believe school has damaged my child, but that's only my experience. I have seen damage done at school, and damage done at home, which leaves the child with no safe place.
The playground question changes over time. With a baby, needs are met withput delay. For older children, patience is taught over time so they learn to wait. But that depends on the nature of the request, if it's urgent (Mum I need to use the toilet) or not urgent (can you push me on the swing) and also depends on how much time is given before then as to whether I excuse myself or ask her to wait a set length of time.
15-01-2012 12:13 #29
15-01-2012 12:54 #30Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
woops I did what I didn't want to do.
I am not making assumptions. I am not misinformed.
I am clueless with zero knowledge.
I am just asking and you have clarified what I needed to know.
I see that what I am talking about is more likely helicopter parenting.
I am just witnessing all types of parenting since becoming one myself and certain styles have me curious.
Judging by your comments AP sounds great so please don't think I was attacking you- just clarifying stuff in my head.
The bedroom comment was because I know a mum who has kicked the dad out to sleep on the lounge and he is not happy about it but again you have made me understand this is not AP.
It was the use of the word "damage" I found disturbing but you clarified what you meant well.
Keep up the good work guys and thanks for educating me. No longer ignorant
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