We have a pair of friends who we love to bits and get along really well with but when it comes to our respective parenting choices we are pretty much worlds apart.
Now that doesn't bother me in the slightest and I would never say anything judgemental or offensive as I believe parenting is a very personal thing and each to their own.
But unfortunately, they do not seem to extend the same courtesy to us.
There are a few issues that they seem to keep pushing and pushing that are really starting to offend both DH & I.
- We have 2 sons (with another on the way) and they have 3 girls. When we are over at their place of course our sons are going to be playing with 'girl' toys. We do not have a problem with this whatsoever and infact never try and push the 'boy' stereotyping onto them. For some reason tho, they always seem to make a point of our eldest son in particular, dressing up in princess dresses, playing with the dollhouse etc etc Do they expect him to sit in the corner and watch the girls have all this fun? And honestly what does it matter anyway???? He is a bloody kid!!!! They have no idea there are 'boy' toys and 'girl' toys! They have total double standards anyway seeing as they have no problem with their girls playing with trucks and dinosaurs etc. Go figure that one!
- Another big issue is breastfeeding vs bottlefeeding. I chose to breastfeed my children and will do the same with belly bub. She chose to bottlefeed all of hers from birth. Whilst I don't understand why someone would choose to bottlefeed, I respect that it is her choice and i have never judged her or made any sort of negative comment. Her on the other hand, thinks that it is perfectly acceptable to indirectly and directly insult my choice to breastfeed.
- The last big issue is public vs private education for the kids. We will be sending our kids to private highschool when the time comes and they will be sending theirs to public highschool. Again, not something I fully understand but whatever, that's their choice and it has zero impact on us. Again tho, they think it is open slather to bag us out for being 'hoity toity' and 'fancy' and 'snobby' and 'silly for wasting our money when private is no better than public' blah blah blah They also seem to bag us out personally as we both went to a private highschool and they didn't. I just don't see how our decision affects them at all and why they would feel the need to bring it up at all??? And it's not like it is something that has only been brought up once, it has been several times all at their instigation.
We have decided that if the topics come up again (and no doubt they will) we are just gonna say that we shouldn't have to justify our choices just like we never make you justify yours and hopefully that will be the end of it
In the end, *we* do what we feel is best for *our* kids and they do what they feel is best for theirs. Neither is right or wrong, it is what it is... now to just get that across to them....
Wow that turned into a bigger vent than I thought, but it feels good to have gotten it out. Thanks if you got to the end
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10-01-2012 16:08 #1
Offensive Friends *VENT*
10-01-2012 16:16 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
I'm wondering if she's picking up your attitudes of "not understanding it" when it comes to her decisions so she feels attacked and gets defensive? If not, perhaps she's uncertain herself. I feel confident in my choices so I don't feel the need to start bagging out personal friends and their lifestyle. We choose public schooling because DS goes to the best public school (IMO) in our State and it was hugely important to me that he attends a reconciliation school. With DP's income of late, we could probably just about afford to send several children to a private school but DP is hugely against private schooling and I am absolutely smitten with the school he currently attends. I've copped it right here and have been told it's not a choice but I can't help but wonder why people even care what my morals and values are when it comes to education????
10-01-2012 16:16 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
things like this seem to come up all the time and i think always will.
i think its definately just something you have to just wash over you unless it bothers you to the point where you stop seeing them.
People are different, we have different ideas from how we were brought up, financial issues and opinions in general.
I understand and hear your vent though and I know how frustrating it can be when people are very forceful with their opinions that differ to your own.
10-01-2012 16:25 #4
If my friends insulted me for breastfeeding, insulted me for my choice of schooling (whatever it was) and made fun of my boy playing with 'girl' toys I don't think we'd be friends for long. Friendships should be respectful. Different choices are fine, disagreements are natural, but name calling (like hoity toity) and making fun of my kids? Not on.
I can understand why you're annoyed.
10-01-2012 16:50 #5
Next time you should tell them you can afford private school because you didn't pay for formula and bottles.
10-01-2012 17:00 #6
Benji- I can totally understand what you are saying but when the topics have intially come up I have asked the reasoning behind their choices just as she asked mine. I never asked in a judgemental way, I was just genuinely interested and it was just a topic of discussion at that point in time. It's just been all of the subsequent times *they* have brought it up with what seems the sole intent to put down our choices And I totally agree, what does it matter to other people anyway!
Manny- The thing is, we have let it wash over us for the first few times they have brought it up, it's just the continual bringing up of those specific issues just to poo poo our choices. Obviously we have differing opinions on the matters which is perfectly fine because not everyone is going to be the same so I just don't understand why it has to be brought up over and over again iykwim?
Sparklydreamer- It's really hard because 99% of the time we get along with them really well and everything is great. I think we will just have to sit down and talk to them so they realise how much it actually offends us.
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10-01-2012 17:24 #10
That's sad, i'd be your friend i have 3 boys and i am doing all the same things you're doing I wouldn't bother engaging in topics that they try to force their opinion onto you, it gets very tiresome having to stand up for your choices that only affect your own kids, wonder why they seem to have a chip on their shoulders about it?
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