I posted this article to my facebook and the ex was on the phone within 3 minutes - "that was directed at me, wasn't it?". Had a good long chat about it, apparently his most recent ex has raised it with him as well.
ToughLove, I don't think the point was that women have no one listen to them or sympathise. I think it is more that sometimes the most important people we need to be able to express ourselves to, our partners, bosses, parents etc use this method of shutting down our feelings because they (all of us) are conditioned to make that jump - 'women are "always" irrational and over-emotional, therefore that must be what you are doing and it's not my fault.'
I think you do have a point that there is often a similar issue for men who are not "supposed" to be emotional or express their feelings. That doesn't make this particular issue any less important or worthy of discussion though.
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09-01-2012 22:15 #11
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10-01-2012 02:13 #12
I definitely, without a doubt, know someone who 'gaslights' frequently.
Thank you for sharing WCM.
10-01-2012 08:19 #13
Told DH about this article and he said I was crazy, our relationship is fine and I, always have to label everything
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10-01-2012 08:25 #14
I read this a while ago, it's a great article.
I remember a while ago DP telling me how irrational it was that I got upset when she didn't text me goodnight for the first night in seven months while she was studying and living a few hours away from here. She'd gone out and gotten a bit inebriated and had forgotten.
I was so upset she couldn't see my point of view (it was what always happened, and then I was told I was overly emotional and ridiculous for being so upset about it) and then she told me the other people she'd gone out with had gotten the same reaction from their partners as I'd had. She apologised for disregarding my feelings and making me feel as though I was the one who was responsible for the situation.
She's been fantastic since then.
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10-01-2012 08:25 #15-
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
Thats what my Gran does to me.
I am over sensitive and histronic because I get upset when she calls me fat..or a terrible mum.
The other day she was telling me to let my kids play in the middle of the road. I said no, she said I need to see a dr as there is something wrong with my head.
10-01-2012 08:50 #16
:-/ I think I unintentionally "gaslight" DH sometimes.
I've been known to throw the "can you do anything right" line around
Last edited by waterlily; 10-01-2012 at 08:55.
10-01-2012 16:07 #17
I have a friend that does this, particularly to one of out other friends. The one who is picked on is particularly emotional at times, so an easy target I guess. The worst part is that the gaslighter is a psychologist and you would think would know better
10-01-2012 16:21 #18Bubhub Ambassador - tongue in cheek
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
My DH gas lights me all the time.
I'd show him this article but I know he won't see himself in it, he'd just see I'm irrationality.
10-01-2012 17:21 #19
10-01-2012 19:01 #20
My DH has NPD traits though is self-aware and not fully NPD ( is in counselling and open to change, now) and this is a very common form of manipulation within those traits.
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