My BIL has two children, one is 6yrs and one is 4yrs. The 4yr old is a handful and swears, hits, is rude, disobedient. The parents (DH's brother and wife) parent VERY differently to us. They smoke around the kids, swear around and AT the children, smack for little (or no) reason (I'm not a smacker), talk inappropriately to everyone and each other, are not respectful, let the kids eat whatever they want (cans and cans of softdrink, junk food etc).
DH and I used to look after their children from when each was only 2 weeks old every weekend for one or two nights until they were 2 & 4 respectively. Their parents liked to have as much 'time off'as they could possibly get to party, gamble, drink, smoke and spend all their benefits (you know the type.)
BIL and wife have started suggesting regularly that my DS spends the day with them and I have told DH it is not going to happen. BIL asked DH again a few days ago whether DS could go and spend the day with them at a local waterpark. DH said that he doubted I would be ok with it because I'm "a bit weird with other people looking after DS, a bit clingy, you know what shes like..."(I'm not happy about this explanaition but DH said its true and what else was he supposed to say! ), BIL asked why and was a bit affronted saying "what, doésn't she think I can look after him? I trusted her with MY kids!"
I now feel a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing, but I'm not ok with DS spending time alone with them! They have good intentions and would 'look after him', but not the way I would like them to, and they wouldn't be able to not smoke, swear, disrespect each other and the kids around my DS.
BIL is not a subtle type so I expect he will say something when we see them next. What do I say?!
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07-01-2012 17:04 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
How do I say that DS can't spend the day with BIL and co?
07-01-2012 17:07 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
I say *I* and not *we* as I make the rules about the way our children are parented and DH just goes along with it. He wouldn't do things the same way as me and can't really see a problem with DS spending the day with his BIL.
07-01-2012 17:12 #3
I would say:
"Sorry, he's been having [nightmares/illness/anxiety/behaving funny/toilet issues/nappy issues/rash fairing up], and I just want to keep an eye on him to see if there is any triggers throughout the day, like food. It's so tiresome keeping my eye on him all day, but I really want to get to the bottom of it, and I just couldn't burden someone else with it"
I've used this general excuse and no one seems to question it...
07-01-2012 17:23 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
i'd be as blunt as him...
"i don't agree with smoking and swearing around children and as much as we love you as family, i know that it is impolite of me to expect you guys to live by my values. When ds is older and i can explain about adult language being ok for grown ups and not kids an that he knows to stay away from people who are smoking then it will be less of an issue."
i have never found any value in lying about my values or the way i raise my kids.
07-01-2012 18:16 #5
How old is your son?
Do you think they would actually smack your child??
and at a waterpark I doubt very much they would be able to smoke there.
Do what you feel is right...But I swear,smack and smoke and still my friends trust me to watch their kids because I would never ever swear at or smack someone elses child (not that I have ever been in that position,other peoples kids never annoy me as much as my own )
I guess when they do alot of stuff you dont agree with...reading back over again,its pretty bad
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