DD is 4 and a half months....and my brain capacity is slowly deteriorating, I'm almost positive.
I consider myself basically an attachment parent - babywearing, bedsharing, breastfeeding etc. I just parent her in the way that feels natural to me, and then discovered later that that was the term for the parenting style that I had unknowingly adopted.
Now while it feels completely natural to me, to pick up my child when she's crying, and sleep next to her at night. It is beginning to put my mental state under some serious stress.
Lila won't sleep through - she started to at 10 weeks - did for 4 nights straight, and then an ear infection tripped up our excellent progress. Then she started again, and then another infection. Again, and then 4 month growth spurt. Again and now teething. I feel like she won't ever sleep through.
She'll only feed to sleep, I've been trying the Elizabeth Pantley "No-Cry Sleep Solution" and have seen some improvement where every now and again she'll fall asleep in her cot to her mobile, or in her pram or on her playmat - this is still probably 1 out of 10 times. This results in me having to take naps with her three times a day.. I know it's easy to say "just let her sleep by herself" but if she doesn't nap well, she sleeps much worse at night.
She's clingy and often fusses being held even by her dad, but the happiest cheekiest little girl when I hold her. I feel like I can't leave her very often with anyone because she will cry hysterically and I CANNOT bear the thought of that. I have been trying short stints though so I can do food shopping etc. and this seems to be improving,although it's much worse when I'm in the house. (Like if I'm trying to cook dinner and DP watches her).
I feel like I'm slowly losing my identity as an individual because my whole day revolves around trying to manage housework and my beautiful daughter. I love her so incredibly much, and I everytime she smiles it makes me forget everything above. But as I sit in the dark, feeding her to sleep once again, I can't help that part of my soul yearns to lie in bed all day, or paint, or go back to uni full-time.
And that's when I know, there has to be a solution....
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06-01-2012 21:59 #1
Losing my mind, slowly, but surely.
06-01-2012 22:03 #2
It will pass... You sound like me with dd2... She is fast asleep in her own bed at 2 1/2 daddy put her to sleep tonight too! I know how you feel, are you able to ask someone to look after her in between a feed one afternoon so you can paint? It's not forever...
Lucy Alys (July '06)
Minnie Audrey (July '09)
Pippi Violet (oct '11)
06-01-2012 22:06 #3
I will have to come back tomorrow when I'm on the pc but you sound like you are doing a brilliant job
Four months is still pretty early to be sleeping through, my miss 4 was well past that before she even did it for the first time, let alone every night, she was well past 12 mths I think before it became a regular occurrence. Their tummies are still quite small, regular feeds overnight is still
I'll come back tomorrow to post a longer post, in the meantime, I know you will get great advice
06-01-2012 22:09 #4
Yeah, I can. But my mum works so much and helps out a lot so I don't want to ask her and my partner works so hard for us all I feel bad.
Like I know being a mum is a 24/7 job, but I would just LOVE an hour a day or every couple of days where I don't have a baby on my boob or asleep next to me. It would be perfect if she could nap by herself so I could get housework and "me time" in then.
06-01-2012 22:11 #5
Oh I definitely expect night feeds, but it's just suckling for comfort, only one feed every 2 or 3 nights is she actually swallowing
06-01-2012 22:17 #6
Well you're not alone, I feel the same except I have no baby sitters or family and dh works like a dog i went from feeding dd2 into now feeding dd3... Dd2 is heaps good now, plays so well with dd1 so I know dd3 will be off playing soon... They have play cafes, wait until you can let her run off and play on those while u sit with a mag! BLISS! your doing so well! Are you getting enough sun light? I find if I don't get a daily dose of vit D I go insane
Lucy Alys (July '06)
Minnie Audrey (July '09)
Pippi Violet (oct '11)
06-01-2012 22:18 #7Bubhub Ambassador - tongue in cheek
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
You get used to it, you really do!
I planned to go back to work when DD WAS 4 mnths old. I changed my mind because she was still up 3 times a night.
Now she's 19 months, still wakes up 2 times a night, but I manage to work 4 days a week on 3 hours sleeps and study 3 nights a week.
They really do start sleeping better and longer and your body really does adjust. I'm sitting here now on 11 hours sleep for the past 3 days and feel fine
I like your idea of taking short trips away from her I think that will do you both good. And when she's feeling 100% again I'm sure shell settle back into a good sleeping habit x
06-01-2012 22:21 #8
Do you have an ergo or a sling? Could you maybe catch up some painting or housework while she's snuggled in the sling close to you?
06-01-2012 22:25 #9
Aww Hun, you sound frazzled! I have been feeling like this lately aswell! I have a 14 month old dd- still bf, cosleeping and I pick her up when she cries too so we sound like we have a similar parenting style. When she turned 1 I had a bit of a melt down. She would never sleep in her cot ( only on our bed if I bf her to sleep) I just remember laying there one night thinking that this isn't how it has to be. I was starting to resent this beautiful little creature who just wants to be next to me all the time. Dh is brilliant with her so we spoke about how we were going to change things so we were on the same page. We have been trying an altered version of 'save our sleep'. We don't want her to cry so we just pat her and sing songs until she falls asleep. If she stands up in her cot I just lay her back down - it took 43 times the first night! Then 30, then 15... Now she lays down when it's nap time and waits for a song! She's taken to it really well- think it's important to have support so you don't feel so alone . I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone!! She still cosleeps at night and is bf and I won't be stopping that any time soon!
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06-01-2012 23:08 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
She sounds like my son, except he was ok with my partner who was a pt sahd so we could share endless crrying.around.
A couple of things I would do:
- day naps - I would lay next to him, feed him, wait til he was asleep, and then get out of bed, leaving him in the bed
- night sleeping. He didn't sleep through until 2, sorry. I gave up, and therefore wasn't as disappointed. The frequency of waking decreased, but at 4 months, it was still 3 times a night from memory. I was working pt, so I would feed him back to sleep so I didn't have to get up
- I found a big, big change when he could sit.up at 6 months. He would sit by himself for longer, giving me a break
- you need some me time. Hand the baby to your partner, leave some ebm and go to the movies. Your baby will settle once you"re out of Sight, or your partner could go for a walk or something distracting
I found those first 6 months relentless, but it gets better.
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