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  1. #1
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    Default So what do I do with this? (eMail from Dad's wife)

    Today I recieved an eMail from my father's wife. They've been together I'd say about 5-6 years... I don't know how long exactly but it's something like that. English is her second language if you're wondered about the way the eMail is worded, but it still makes sense regardless... here it is:

    Hi (my name),
    How are you and C (DD)? I know that we did not communicate often but i thought i need to tell you what happened now in the Philippines between me and your father. I am not sure if you are aware that (my dad) had "midlife crisis" after our last holiday here in the Phils and after 2 weeks he went back here by himself. I have a doubt that he met someone here. Then this yesterday he supposed to go to Cebu ( province in Phils) and i was wrong. My cousin saw her to caught the bus going to different place, which is Subic. Subic is a red light district where he and his friend met all the bar girls/prostitutes. Then yesterday i caught him and that's the story starts. He finished our relationship and he chose to be with the girl. We are still here n the philippines but we are not together anymore. He is now with his other woman. The sad part is the girl is almost the same as your age and she is a prostitute. Im just hoping that she is not a scammer. The reason i told you this is for you to be aware as i know as his daughter you have the right to know. When i talked to your father, of course he blamed me and he said he don't want a girl with the child and he is not happy with me for a long time. It's hurt but everything he said doesn't make sense. I know he just made excuses to cover up his infidelity. Take and i just want you to know that you and (my brother) became part of my life eventhough that i am not close to you and (my brother), but i love you both as my children. Take care. Just in case your father contact you, tell him that (her daughter) and I are missng him. Thanks and hope to see you again.
    I figure that she's perhaps eMailing this to me to get back at him, to tell his family what a scumbag he is or whatever... and I totally get that and really have no issue with it TBH. If he didn't want the repercussions of being a jerk, then he shouldn't have been on.

    That said, I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to do with this. Do I mention it next time I talk to Dad? Last time I spoke with him was a few days before Christmas (he was already overseas by that stage and talking about buying fireworks for NYE - cos you can over there). When I had my surgery, Dad went on about how he wanted to move over there full time and run a cafe or something... so that's the midlife crisis she's talking about (personally, I think he's had more than 1 in his time... this isn't the first).

    I don't REALLY want to get involved... though I did eMail her back...


    Thanks for letting me know, and I hope you're doing okay. What a horrible thing to discover... I can only imagine how hurt you must be. I haven't heard from him since before Christmas but it we speak again soon I'll let him know that you both miss him. Take care. *hugs*

    (my name) xx
    I figure that's kind of generic and it lets her know I've read it, etc... and gives her a bit of sympathy without going OTT.

    Is there anything else I should say/do? Should I mention it to my father? Should I just kinda ignore it from here on out? Etc etc?

    Not really what I expected to be reading today... and if my father treated this woman like this, I wonder if he did similar things to my mother, and both this woman and my mother are both shy and quiet and polite... and much like each other really, and Dad treated them the same way (like doormats).

  2. #2
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    I think you worded it well, not sure if there is much more you can say.

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    I think your response was enough and wouldn't have thought you needed to say anything else if you're not wanting to get involved. You've shown sympathy towards her situation and have offered to pass on her message as she requested.
    It would be up to you as to whether you mention it to your father. Will he get defensive/angry at you if you tell him about the email? It doesnt sound like anything you say will influence his decision making so probably best to leave it unless he brings it up first.

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    Hugs Hun, I really have no ideas but I just wanted to send you some hugs.

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    I guess it kind of depends what kind of relationship you have with your father. If it were my father, I'd just consider it none of my business (we aren't close). I'd be disappointed in him, and I'd probably mention so but that would be as far as it would go.

    I think your email was perfect.

  7. #6
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    I think that what you wrote is good. There isn't really much more you can do if you don't want to be involved (and it's life so you can relax and know you dont have to be involved!).

    Maybe she wrote the email not to get back at him but to explain why you won't be hearing from her again and to sort of have closure on the whole issue for her? Like realising that she has been heartbroken, then thinking of all the people she knew through him and won't ever see again etc, so she wrote the email as a sort of closure/goodbye type thing. If she didnt, and she wants more action on your behalf (to talk to your Dad about it) etc or writes again, I would just send another email saying that you are sorry about what happened, for her, but that it is your fathers life. (that's only if she contacts again if you know what I mean).

    Otherwise, you handled it well.

    On a different side of things... how do you feel about the info?

  8. #7
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    Thanks guys.

    I'm not really close with my father - he's a bit of a chauvanist (as you can probably tell?) and he likes to boss me around, so being an adult and not having to put up with that anymore... I don't. lol.

    I might just leave it there - though I did message my brother (who I don't get along with) to find out if he got an eMail from her as well... because my brother's attitude is quite different to mine so if he got the same eMail I did (or similar), I want to be prepared for what troubles he'll cause with his response (he doesn't like Dad's wife just because she's foreign - though he claims not to be racist... ), and he'll also probably get stuck into Dad... probably because he's banging another Filippino woman (I think the prostitute/cheating/etc part won't even bother my brother much... just her race). If that happens, I know there's gonna be a bit of a fight and I want to be prepared for it... if only so I can avoid everyone. lol.

    ETA - TTT, I mostly just think, "Wow, what a jerk move," and "I hope he doesn't think we'll all be welcoming his prostitute with open arms..." and "I bet she's scamming him... financially-stable white man with nothing better to do with his time..."

    I also think he's an idiot if he thinks a 25-year-old (she's roughly my age apparently) hooker is truly in love with him... or whatever. He's a twit for doing away with a woman who loved him (silly as I think she is for that) who was pretty much his personal slave...

    I also feel quite annoyed that he's complained about her having a kid... it's not like it was a big secret! You knew that all along... if you had a problem with it at the start, you should have ended it then!

    I also wonder if he ever did anything like this when with my mother... but I don't think I'll ever know that for sure. I don't think Mum would tell me even if she knew.
    Last edited by SassyMummy; 05-01-2012 at 14:39.


 

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