Might be wishful thinking but ideally i wouldn't call her if i were you and wait for her to apologise. Allthough she doesn't sound like the type to say sorry ever.
I bet she's thinking you owe her one but she is wrong.
She should have understood that you were busy with your DD and not made things worse by having a go at you. Kids birthday parties are hectic at the best of times for mums. She was acting like another child.
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01-01-2012 18:11 #11
Last edited by laurea; 01-01-2012 at 18:14.
01-01-2012 18:26 #12
Thanks for all your replies and hugs. I was feeling a bit unsure about asking her to leave but I'm glad to hear others would do the same. And you know what? I stood up for myself, which I rarely do, so I'm happy.
Counselling... I'm not so keen on. I've been my mum's on call counsellor for as long as I can remember and as selfish as this may sound, I'm just tired of hearing about her problems. What's even worse is she MAKES problems out of nothing. When one ends, another begins.
FL, I know huh And thank you I made it!! Although I'm feeling pretty sorry for poor Connor. Everyone we know apart from DF's dad forgot it was his birthday and made other plans they couldn't cancel (that is - going to the beach) so it was a very quiet birthday.
higgleandgoot and Californication - unfortunately this type of thing has happened before, and my attempts at ignoring her to try to get her to understand how serious I am never work. They make her more desperate and turn her into a complete nervous wreck. Ringing and texting me a billion times a day, showing up at the house in floods of tears. Her texts range from "Fine if you hate me this much I'll never speak to you or the kids again have a good life" to "I love you so much, I sacrifice so much for you, you're the most important thing in the world, why don't you love me". Seriously those have followed one after the other in the past.
She's not the kind of person you can sit down and calmly explain your point of view to, either. Anything I say would be interpreted as a personal attack on her which turns her into a screaming, sobbing mess.
I'm so exhausted.
01-01-2012 18:48 #13
I would be exhausted too! How would she react if you sat her down and said you couldn't take it any more and she needs to get counseling for her issues. That you are her daughter, not her psyche and her behaviour is impacting on your family and you can't allow that?
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01-01-2012 19:09 #14
That just sounds like a horrible situation for you, i think i understand how you may feel, your description of your mother and her behaviour sounds exactly like my father.
Does your mother have any suspected psychological issues? I ask only because my father was diagnosed in his 60s with bipolar disorder, and has symptoms of schitzophrenia (sp?)
I ended up cutting him out of my life, well actually it was mutual as he had many perceived 'betrayals' that i had done to him.
Sounds like your mother is very toxic, how does she treat your children? I really hope not similar to she treats you
So many for you, i really feel for you
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01-01-2012 19:16 #15
Does she have a mental illness? Maybe borderline personality disorder?? Some time apart may be good for a while let you both calm down well done for standing up for yourself
01-01-2012 19:23 #16
01-01-2012 19:25 #17
FWIW it sounds like you did the right thing.
01-01-2012 19:27 #18
OP, I would have literally kicked her out of the house, and told her to never come back, no way does anyone have the right to scream at a child like that!
01-01-2012 20:08 #19
I know that she has suffered from depression in the past, I'm not sure about now though, and I'm not sure if she's still taking AD's. BPD sounds pretty much exactly like her.
Right now I'm wondering whether I should send a text along the lines of
"I'm sorry that I couldn't focus on entertaining and that it slipped my mind to ask about your NYE - as you could see I was quite distracted. I'm sure you remember when you were a new parent how hard it was to focus uninterrupted on any conversation. The way you treated DD however and behaved in front of my children was out of line. I do not appreciate being told that the way I parent is wrong and that if I don't do it your way DD will only get worse. I simply can't handle it anymore, you attacking me for situations you blow totally out of proportion, and then backtracking when your harsh words upset me, saying I'm the one twisting what you're saying. I had no problem with you until you suddenly had this outburst. But I think you owe me, DF and especially DD an apology - it wasn't your place to discipline her."
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01-01-2012 20:15 #20
Wow OP. I wouldn't be offering an olive branch at all and I think you were very right to kick her out, I would have too!
Maybe you should check out that Narcissistic mothers website that's been posted on here a few times... see if that fits and explains things?
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