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31-12-2011 14:21 #1
Worried about my birth support people....
Last edited by Atlantic Puffin; 02-01-2012 at 07:39.
31-12-2011 14:25 #2
I had my mum and ex-dp with me when I had DS my mum had no idea cause she had 2 c-sections and dp is man who doesn't really understand lol
My mum came to all my classes 1) cause I wanted her to and 2) cause dp was at work ... It helped her understand what it was I wanted and while in labour she stood up to the docs a couple of times for me which was helpful expecially when I had had enough
31-12-2011 14:32 #3
It's a tough one, as you really can't be sure how both will be until they're both in the situation. Both love you and have your best interests at heart, so they will probably not like seeing you in pain which is only natural. One positive thing, from the sounds of things neither of them sound like they'll interfere with what's going on or hassle you to do things you don't want to do.
Perhaps you could have a birth plan outlining your wishes etc and give both of them a copy, so when the time comes they'll have an idea of what you want/don't want and less of a chance of them and you being pushed into things you may not want etc.
I think it's a great idea to take your Mum to a birthing class, I know my Mum is amazed at what happens these days in Hospitals regarding birth. She still thought everybody was given an anema and episiotomy.
It can't hurt to have your back up support person either.
31-12-2011 14:46 #4
Omg im getting flashbacks!
When I was pregnant with Lilly my dh of course was coming in but he was terrified. I wanted my sister she was only 18 but had sat by my side through cancer, biopsys, chemo so I knew she would do what ever I needed. My mum wanted to be there because I had gone in when she had my brother. I felt her reasons were wrong. My dad had also asked and I started feeaking out about them all p!ssing me off I had decided I would not be birthing on my back not because it's not an idea position but because I didn't want them getting a view of my cervix lol
My best friend thinks Lilly saved me by being breached and resulted in a cs.
This time my dh will be there, one of my best friends will be my doola hopefully as she is a midwife so she can't deliver not being in her hospital but can advise me if something is unnecessary and be my advocate. I still want my mum and sister in a way but my sister will be 40 weeks herself so not sure if I want her freaking out lol maybe my sis and mum can tag team. And I want my dd there this time
If I was you I would have your friend be sure to brief her on your birth plan and tell her she will be your advocate to be your voice of reason
31-12-2011 14:48 #5
I think it's a lovely idea to take your Mum to the classes.
My only concern would be that although she will learn a lot about birthing in this day and age (because it's changed so much since when our Mum's did it), she might still not stand up for you if need be because of her 'niceness'? (for want of a better word). In the situation where you need a voice, would your DP speak up?
I definitely agree with formulating a strong birth plan which they are both well aware of. If you continue to have doubts, it might be a good idea to look into a doula or student doula.
31-12-2011 14:50 #6
Please please please do not go into birth without appropriate support people, you need to trust these people 100% have you thought about a doula?
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31-12-2011 14:56 #7
Id take them both to a class, it wouldnt help.
Id also write out a copy of what you want your birth plan to be and give it to both of them. Explain to them your wishes and what you would like to happen if your unable to explain to the doctors. They are ment to be there to support you and help you out.
Ive explained (drilled it in) to DP everything i want to happen and what i want to happen after birth etc. I know that things can change and we have spoken about that as well.
31-12-2011 14:57 #8
Great idea to take your mum to the classes. She might surprise you at the time, after all, she will be there to look after you, her own baby girl
Having her at the birth would also free up your dp to fetch you things and just generally be with you. Hopefully between the two of them they can support you when talking to the drs and midwives, so it would be good if at least one of them had the knowledge from the classes.
I had dh, my mum (a nurse) and my mil (mother of 13, grandmother of 29). Both mum's surprised me by how supportive they were and having more than one person there gave the others a break when they needed it.
I had been through the birth plan with them beforehand, so there were no disagreements or surprises on the day.
31-12-2011 15:02 #9
31-12-2011 15:05 #10
I think really, that's why doula's a decent idea for a lot of people.
Of course, if you can find someone who's a good friend or whatever who can do that job (be there for you, not freak out, etc) then having them there would be great too. If they're willing of course. The problem with having your friend would be that she has to be on call, and she'll also have to find a babysitter for her little one at any hour to help you out. It might be a little difficult.
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