Some of the above people have said exactly what I'm thinking.
Having a chaotic house with heaps of stuff in it doesn't make you less of a person. You don't have to live in a sterile - oops sorry minimalist hehe - environment to be a great person. Who cares if your cupboards are full? Well, of course he does but you deserve someone who thinks a full home is a sign of a generous loving heart. You don't have any dead cats hiding under piles of collectables so seriously don't let this guy turn you into such an unhappy person trying to live up to what he considers is the benchmark. Find someone who appreciates that you have exactly what they need tucked away in some corner waiting to be needed
PS Adding on: In agreement with some of the other posters, it's one of the incompatiblilties which are impossible to overcome. You would always be miserable trying to live up to his standard which is wrong as you should never have to live up to your lovers expectations. You probably already are miserable.
It's not about whether you should have a go at decluttering your life because you'd do that if it was right for you. You are who you are and there's nothing wrong with that. Just at the moment it's presenting a bit of a problem for you in finding a way to get serious with your man. I don't think it's worth living on edge all the time because he can't stand that about you. But then, maybe you would feel worse not having someone in your life even if it's only ever going to go to the level you currenlty have.
<3 good luck and I hope you find your answers
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09-01-2012 20:46 #11Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2005
- in my house
Last edited by Willow; 09-01-2012 at 20:55.
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09-01-2012 20:57 #12
I don't know.
DP is the messiest person I know and I'm totally @nal about cleanliness, but there was never a question of us moving in together when she got back from uni because I love her so much more than I dislike her mess.
I do pretty much all the cleaning and it doesn't bother me, I enjoy it mostly. And I knew what she was like when we went into it.
Sometimes I get frustrated, but at the end of the day - I love her and would rather her with me, warts (mess) and all.
I think you need to have a big talk about your whole relationship because after 2.5 years, I can't imagine *not* wanting to live with your partner!
09-01-2012 21:21 #13
I had the same issue before I moved in with DP. He was so nervous and I just blatantly refused to conform.
But he took the risk and I found I didn't want all my junk anymore. We had a fresh start in our new home and I wanted to keep it nice for him and myself in the end.
If it's your only issue in the relationship I think youll be able to get through it.
All the best
09-01-2012 21:36 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
We can't answer the question for you as we don't know exactly how you feel and how mich you love him. Do you think you're on edge as he says? I think you should focus on feeling better if you do agree with him on that point
There are lots of routes you could take here, if what you want from life is to live with a man and have a marriage you could end things with him and pursue dating again to find someone more compatible. Or you could try more communication with him so you could both come to an arrangement where you could live together, extra storage or whatnot. Or you could be with him and just not live together. DP and I spent our first 6 months together living next door and I must say - it was great! I much prefer living with him but that's because we are very happy with the way each other lives etc but living close but not in the same house was also awesome!
I hope you can work something out x
10-01-2012 03:21 #15Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
Hoarding is not "who you are" - it is just "what you do".
Not wanting to live with your mess is not the same as not wanting to live with you.
He has said this is an obstacle - but you are the only one who can decide to remove it. Is he worth it?
It's okay if he's not.
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