DH was on epilepsy medication for a while, but it seemed to do more harm than good and hasnt had any fits since going off it.
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29-12-2011 21:31 #21
29-12-2011 21:38 #22
mrstuilawa- I know. Although if that *man* had of been sentenced to jail forever it still wouldn't have been enough for me. How are you regarding it all- are you angry over it? What happened to your DH's attackers?
29-12-2011 21:44 #23
Rabbity, not quoting but I'm local and I remember the news story and I am so so sorry ...your brother was only a yr older than my son, what a terrible terrible thing to experience
OP lots of hugs to you..and as always to Vee
30-12-2011 09:52 #24
30-12-2011 10:38 #25
30-12-2011 11:31 #26
i hear ya V8, i've had many friends/family say they don't know how i do it, they wouldnt be able to do it if they were in this situation, etc but you really don't know until you're in the situation. you do it because if you don't no one else will. and you do it because you love them. i still struggle when DH gets in his 'moods'. he says quite hurtful things because he doesnt think before he opens his mouth. and he likes to blame me or get angry at me for things that are out of my control. i've had a lot of people say things about how he's 'back to normal' and such, but he isnt, they don't have ot live with him and seeing him for a few hours or a day or two at a time gives absolutely no insight into what it is really like. i find my DH loses things all the time too, i think he's now lost his bank card 3 times in as many months. your DH's mum obviously has no idea what it is really like, i guess no one does unless they are dealing with it on an every day basis!
my DH family don't really understand. they've never heard of an ABI and in fiji they are not really educated in mental health issues and such as well, so when he went back in october they noticed the change in his behaviour but didnt understand why. i had to explain to them that the damage from the assault was permanent, and while his behaviour and attitude may continue to improve, there is no guarantee. I think (and hope) he will be a lot better once i am there. i am usually the only one that knows how to calm him down and help him think a little more rationally.
I actually had last night what i labelled an ABI breakthrough with him. I'm sure some of you ladies will understand the significance of this. since the accident he has been quite self centred, sees things in black and white, is unable to compromise or sacrifice anything. long story short, he is using his super to buy a boat for his brothers to run a business so we don't have to support them. for the past two weeks we've been fighting because he wants a boat that we simply don't have the money for. after many arguements, tears, attempts at compromise (on my behalf) he finally agreed last night to pick a boat that is within our budget and to not have unrealistic expectations. and he did this without a fight, without any harsh words or complaining. he did say (and it made me laugh) okay i'll buy a smaller boat, but you know in my heart i really want the bigger boat. i simply told him that if he bought the smaller boat and worked really hard he'd be able to save money to buy the bigger one. it seems like a small thing, but it's a massive accomplishment for him.
30-12-2011 21:03 #27
That is a big accomplishment really, he was able to see reason and thought behind it. They really can have a lack of impulse control which makes them see things as black and white as you said, it's basically their way or the highway. Very frustrating! It would be hard being in Fiji there definately isn't any support there (that i know of) it's hard enough to get support here for ABI. My DH is from the philippines and if his mum had her way she'd pack him up and move him over there with her, not a very smart move on her part, he'd send her to the loony bin. I'm surprised i don't drink or smoke due to the stress of dealing with a DH with a brain injury. How are you going to be able to get him back in Aus and get some help for him? Did he go to the PA hospital? Is he seeing any outpatient therapists there at all? I also definately recommend counselling, not just for you, but for him, for him to get the changes he'll experience in his own self and hopefully a third party can tell him straight up how difficult it is going to be for you to support him. I have tried to not let DH's brain injury stop me from doing what i want to do, specially with my kids, it's kinda good being the cheif decision maker in the family, but it can also be an overwhelming burden at times. But i have still accomplished things like finishing my degree in Social Science, we've been overseas twice after having kids, once to NZ and once to Fiji, the next trip i'm planning a few years away is to take the kids to Disneyland. We are very fortunate with what we have and i try to look at the positives rather than the negatives, but it does weigh you down at times. Speaking to others that 'get it' would definately be helpful.
30-12-2011 21:13 #28
oh he is definitely very impulsive!! i'm still so proud of him, feel like a doting mum or something
i have a friend who is from the phillipines and her older sister has cerebal palsy (excuse my poor spelling) and from what she's told me it is very similar to fiji over there in that there is not much in the way of education or treatment for those with disabilities/brain injuries.
He did rehab at the PA as an outpatient for a few months, he's supposed to still be going every 3 months but can't atm with being in fiji. he was offered very little in the way of counselling/support as there is not much he was eligible for because he wasnt a permanent resident. this was a constant source of frustration for me, that the australian government wouldnt help him when he was here legally and it was an australian citizen that put him in this situation. victims assist havegiven him funding for a psychiatrist but that's more to deal with the side effects of being assaulted (nightmares, fear of going out alone, etc) than an ABI.
you have accomplished soooo much given your situation, you should be so SO proud of yourself. i only hope that over the next few years i can achieve even half of what you have done! it's always good to try and focus on the positives, but i do still have some "why me" days. they are few and far between though!
once DH visa is sorted i would love to get into working for immigration. Whilst DH was still here and we were trying to sort out his visa he had a lovely dispute resolutions officer who totally inspired me to want to help other people in situations similar to ours
29-05-2013 21:59 #29Junior Member
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- May 2013
The best option for you is to try out the relevant expertise hospital or doctor rather posing such questions here in such forums. Try out the searches over places like Google to end up finding the right person for this issue.
30-05-2013 10:50 #30
This is a really old thread I'm not sure what you hoped to achieve by posting here?
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