Life has a habit of doing that unfortunately, i've found the best way to deal with it is to try and take it all in my stride and not get PLOM (Poor Little Old ME) too often! i could probably go on and on about how unfair it is and how much i hate the guy that did this to us (he is up on grievous bodily harm charges - has gone to trial twice and he is now claiming insanity so we have to wait for him to be assessed ) but none of that will make my life any easier so i try to keep it to a minimum!
Thanks so much Edward, even with my attendances at Young Carers i have still not met or talked to anyone else who's partner has an ABI so it would be great to be able to discuss it with someone who knows/understands!
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29-12-2011 20:51 #11
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29-12-2011 20:53 #12
My BIL is in fact very lucky to be alive. So many people kept telling him he should be dead. For a whole it caused him so much guilt that to deal with it and the physical pain he returned to drinking heavily and started taking drugs. It lasted a couple of years but that has passed now except for the odd night out with his mates that goes too far. Typical 24 year old.
His accident was nearly 7 years ago now. His temper still snaps and he has problems processing increasingly complex problems. He has found a way around a lot of it. Note taking etc that he would never have done before.
After his accident they told him that they doubted he would be able to return to doing the same work he was doing in such detail. They also said his other injuries would stop him working by 30. Now they say with more intense physio he may be able to work until nearly 40 before having to take on a less hand on role. As for his work, it is brilliant. He is a spray painter and gets a lot of work on vintage and custom cars due to his detail and ability to mix paints. Returning to being able to mix and think creatively was something he never thought was possible.
29-12-2011 21:01 #13
I'm also in Brissy, DH's accident was 7 years ago, he fell 30 metres off a bridge, was in a coma and in hospital a total of 10 months, he used to be in the army so we've had lots of adjustments along the way and continue to do so. His short term memory is shot, as is his reasoning skills, his attention, i say he has behavioural issues, cause really it's like dealing with a child sometimes. Physically he's ok and you wouldn't know to look at him, but it's a very very challenging road. I was 23 when i became his full time carer and am now 30 with 3 kids to him, it's tough, and i've had no support from anyone else who's in that situation, specially not anyone my age or with young kids.
29-12-2011 21:02 #14
i have found DH has resorted to alcohol on occasions to try and cope, even though they recommend not drinking for 2 years. I'm hoping once i am in fiji with him i can get him to stop entirely as we will be TTC!
i have noticed that he has a really short temper/gets frustrated very easily (which in turn frustrates me as i am not a very patient person lol) but we are slowly learning to work through it
29-12-2011 21:08 #15
i feel kind of silly for having a sook now, you and DH have obviously had a much longer road to recovery than i've endured so far. i totally get you on the behavioural issues thing, on a good day DH is like you or i, but on a bad day it is like having a child. i found it really hard that physically you can't tell that he has an ABI, because (this is right after the accident) DH would say or do something in public and get really horrible looks off people, because they didnt realise he has an ABI. i felt like i was constantly having to defend him.
financially, i was unable to be a full time carer for DH, i was very lucky that after he came out of hospital my mum, dad, step dad and sister took turns visiting (all from interstate) to look after him while i worked. i was 21 when it happened, and even now i feel like i've aged far too quickly, but i wouldnt change it for anything because i love him and i'm lucky that he's still here with us
29-12-2011 21:20 #16
29-12-2011 21:21 #17
My brother was assaulted at 15 and has an ABI.
He was walking home from his job a McDonald's a 3pm and an older man jumped him, dragged him into a empty house that was midway through construction in a quiet suburban street and assaulted him for several hours. For no reason.
It's really freaking senseless and the guy barely got a slap on the wrist.
He is still emotionally distant from people- even his niece. He just shows no emotions regarding anything and get frustrated very quickly. His short term memory is still bad. It really doesn't help that my brother likes to drink. He also choose to stop seeing doctors and taking mood stabilisers that were helping him.
Please don't quote, I would like to remove some of this later...
Last edited by Luna Lovegood; 29-12-2011 at 22:29. Reason: Removing links and info
29-12-2011 21:23 #18
29-12-2011 21:28 #19-
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Last edited by Guest1234; 15-01-2012 at 12:47.
29-12-2011 21:29 #20
V8 your story and video made me cry, i can't believe everything you two have gone through and that you've stayed so positive. your DH looks like such a loving caring father too, and your boys are beautiful
Rabbity i can't believe the guy who did that barely got a slap on the wrists!! especially to a 15 year old boy, that is so horrible frustration seems to be a common side effect of having an ABI, all we can do is support the ones we love through tough times.
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