I think giving her photographic proof of you two shagging isn't going to help - it might make her see that he's a cheating loser, but it will also be forever etched into her mind. It's bad enough when you've got an online coversation or eMail being read over and over in your brain, but an actual visual of the act? That's not something you need to show anyone to prove it - that's just cruel.
I think you could tell her, but you'll probably come across a lying ex, determined to destroy their relationship... he'll be able to call you a psycho liar, and she'll probably believe him. Though, perhaps in the back of her mind she'll keep an eye out.
Another not-so-nasty way to tell her? Send her a link to his dating site profile (if it has a pic or link to his eMail address).
Results 21 to 30 of 69
29-12-2011 11:39 #21
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29-12-2011 11:58 #22
I don't think there's any way you can tell her without him being able to pin it on you, for him to be the victim, and for you to take the fall here.
Imagine it - GF confronts him with your information. He denies it. All of a sudden it's your word against his. And the dating site? Well, he could pass it off as being a hacker - happens on Facebook all the time right? Pretending to be someone else? Possibly blame you and say that YOU put it up there.
See what I mean? Messy, messy, messy. I think your best bet is walk away and remove yourself from them completely. If you're worried about "doing the right thing", well, the right thing was to not sleep with a guy who you know is in a committed relationship. So the time for that is a little past. Now you've got the fallout to deal with and I think this is possibly the only way to deal with it.
Just quickly, ladies with a DH/DP. His ex-DW comes to you and says they slept together. He denies it. Who do YOU believe?
29-12-2011 12:02 #23
I don't think telling her anonomously is necessarily childish. You could write a simple letter to her along the lines of:
I’m so sorry to have to break this news to you, but your boyfriend has cheated on you and has every intention of doing it again.
Please check out this link on the internet for proof – he has joined an online dating website to meet other women.
Unfortunately he cannot be trusted and I thought you deserved to know what he has been up to.
Once again, I’m sorry you have to find out this way.
And OP, please do this woman and yourself a favour and stop sleeping with this sleezeball. He is an ex for a reason.
29-12-2011 12:23 #24
29-12-2011 12:33 #25
I believed the ex-girlfriend both times since after some investigating of my own, it was obvious they were both telling the truth. Both relationships ended pretty soon after that bombshell was dropped.
OP, I stand by my previous comments. Do the *right* thing and do the *grown up* thing Tell the truth and walk away. It doesn't matter if they stay together or break up as it's really not your business, it also doesn't matter whether she believes you or not. All of that is irrelevant.
Be honest and then cut ties - for your sake.
29-12-2011 12:41 #26
Woahh my suggestion at telling her anonymously was not to look childish, nor to avoid the OP looking like a bad person because she's sleeping with him - it's ONLY so that his girlfriend believes her! I just figured that she may not take her word for it if she thinks she's just being a jealous looking ex IYKWIM. I know if my partners ex rang up and said that, I would think "Yeah right, whatever". I would hate to see the info disregarded, especially when STD's could be involved
I was thinking more like a discreet email or text...nothing childish though.
I really don't agree with leaving the phone on so she can hear or sending photographic evidence - that's just awful! That will forever scar her mentally
29-12-2011 12:42 #27
29-12-2011 12:48 #28
These things always get found out in the end, and until they do, it will haunt you with guilt and angst for what is *going* to happen when the **** hits the fan.
She absolutely has a right to know, For her own reasons, and for health reasons.
So this is my advice to you
When she finds out, she will blame you. Whether he is included in that blame or not is debatable and circumstantial on whether she is in denial or not, but she WILL blame you, either way, and most likely more than she blames him. Thats just the way things work, women find it easier to blame the other woman. This isnt unjustified, you may be his ex, but you did know he was in a relationship so you are partly responsible. That being said, he sounds like a manipulative skeezebag, so I can see how in a third person perspective he is largely to blame!.. What will happen and is more unjustified, although she wont see it that way, is what she says/does to you after you tell her. Be prepared to be called every name under the sun, have friends and family sicked on you and made to turn against you/ condemn you. Anyone who goes along with this isnt worth your time, because they clearly dont love YOU enough to stick by you through anything.
Youve done wrong here (I learnt this lesson too, sourly) and you have to accept that. For your own sake and for the sake that she at least wont be able to call you a liar at the end of the day (justly) Tell her yourself, and tell her about the dating site.
Its true she mightn't belive you, but if you tell her, you've done the best thing you can do now that the better thing (to not do it) isnt an option as we cant change the past. Tell her the truth, all of it, tell him exactly what you think of him (he deserves that and you at least deserve to have your say on that) and walk away.
Honestly if she continues with him after that its not your problem, what she thinks of you after that is not your problem, what he does/thinks is not your problem. Cut them out, move on with life, learn your lesson and dont do it again, ever. Thats what Ive learnt.
I hope it all works out for you, I do, Im sorry such a hard thing to deal with has come up, but you can learn from this.
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29-12-2011 12:50 #29
If anyone came to me and said my DF was sleeping/had slept with them I'd confront him, be wary, but also suspicious of the other woman's motives.
But I wouldn't take her word over his UNLESS her confession confirmed my existing suspicions.
29-12-2011 12:59 #30
Honestly, I'd back away from the whole thing. Minimize contact with him (as in where it could be construed as more than just exs.). Don't tell her as anything you say will most likely make you seem like a spiteful you-know-what. Get evidence if you want but think about how it may affect your ongoing amicable relationship with your exH.
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