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  1. #11
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    biscotti is offline Winner 2012 - Naughtiest/Cheekiest Mod
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    Three jobs
    I'd say he's verging on exhaustion
    Could he maybe drop back the weekend one at least (but I don't know your financial situation sorry) but it sounds like he wouldn't even have the time to make you a cup,of tea or come to an appointment.
    Does he have any holidays owing ? Where you two could take some time, even a day to reconnect?

  2. #12
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    I totally agree he is too tired for me. I have tried talking to him his family tell him also it's too much. He is stubborn and won't listen.
    I really appreciate his hard working but at the end of the day to me money is not everything.
    I agree things do fizzle out after time - but I am always trying to find ways to be romantic and show him I care. I might not work as much as him but pick up the slack of 3 kids until recently full time work all the house chores and everything else. it's like he is not here. I'm a single mum in reality. I should have put my foot down and said no to putting ds in private school but let him convince me we could afford it even when he gave up 2 and 3rd jobs. I know it is because he was to put hid bio child into private when time comes.
    We are now not talking I'm sleeping on the lounge. I'm sorry to seem whinging but I always in tears

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    It sounds like you both need a break and I really hope your DF realises that soon.

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  5. #14
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    Obviously things like private school and financial security are important to him.

    You need to get him to sit you down and show you his long term plan for your family, so you can understand why he is making certain sacrifices now.

    As for making you cards, cups of tea etc... he's exhausted and rightly so. I'd be trying to sort out a weeks break for him and you to have time together.

    Having a family is a lot of pressure for some men.

  6. #15
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    Is making sure you've got enough money perhaps his way of showing you he cares?

    Your 3 children aren't his, right? So he's working very hard for your three kids and you... perhaps this is the way he's trying to say, "I love you all, I care for you all." I know that one way DP shows that he loves and cares for us is to spend money I don't think he needs to spend... DD needed a new bed, and instead of getting her a $200 frame (which is what I'd have done), he spent nearly $1000 on a loft bed with a built in desk. He wants to buy her a new TV (she has a small "box" analogue TV with a set-top box for digital channels... but he wants to get her and LED LCD... wtf? Wtf does a 6-year-old need that for?).

    It's his way of showing he cares though, I believe.

    My partner works FIFO, so I see him only 3 days a fortnight... but that sounds like more than you're seeing your partner. Perhaps you can explain to him that you are HAPPY if he cuts back. That you don't NEED riches, but you NEED a partner you can actually spend time with. That money matters, sure, but that seeing him matters a lot more.

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  8. #16
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    Hugs.
    One of my friends DH worked himself sick trying to provide for the family but instead he nearly lost them. She threatened to leave unless he cut back his hours and attended medical and counseling appointments. He was shocked and agreed and they are still happily together 7 years on. He learnt that his family needed HIM not just money. I think you need to make DF understand that all those hours will just go to child support payments if he doesn't stop being so stubborn about having things his way. Your needs count too!!!

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    To answer your first question, I don't think you should leave him. I think you as a couple really need to reconnect. Does he feel like he needs to work 3 jobs to support you and your 3 kids or does he actually want to?

    Would he be willing to go to counselling with you? It might be one way to have an open and honest conversation with each other. I found it really helpful expressing my feelings and concerns with DH (before we got married) with someone to help us bring to the surface a few underlying issues that we hadn't ever discussed before. We had to sit and really listen to each other without cutting each other off or it ending in an argument.
    There might be reasons he is working so much that you haven't considered because he hasn't had a really honest conversation with you about it.
    I'm sorry that you are feeling so crappy but I do think that you can work it out.

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    I think he needs to sort out the job situation. If you have no debts or any huge pressure, why work 3 jobs? Raising FOUR children on your own is going to be a huge task and very lonely

    I agree, it's hard on him - but the OP is also working the equivalent of several jobs raising several children alone plus the added stress and physical pressure of being pregnant.

    All pregnant mums deserve a cuppa tea every now and again

    I think he needs to sort out why he wants to work so much. My ex was a workaholic and I'm 99.9% sure it was to get out of home/child-raising duties

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    OP i can sympathise with the hours your DF works, my DF works 15 hours a day 6 days a week and its hard, the only way we get through it is by allocating Sunday as family day were we all get to hang out and do things as a family. Im sure he would rather sleep etc but he makes the effort on sundays and we are alot happier for it. Would your DF consider having sundays off if he insists on working three jobs.
    Will he have any time off this christmas where maybe you could go away for a week and reconnect.


 

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