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  1. #1
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    Default Df makes very little effort

    Hi all need to vent..
    I've been with df for 5 years and engaged 3 of them
    I have 3 kids with ex partner.
    Anyway my df works 3 jobs and is hardly home. Routine always the same wakes up I make his lunch he goes to work comes home at 5 I cook his dinner he off to work at 5:45 he gets home at 11pm this is 5 days a week. Then weekends 8-5:40
    He said he would only be doing this for a year it has now been two.
    Hd always used to buy flowers write lovely cards and take us out.
    Two years it is now nothing really..
    He wanted a baby I didn't really - but gave in had to do ivf for a year.
    Now 6 months pregnant he shows little interest to that either. No back rubs cups of tea.. Nothing.
    I have told him I am depressed and lonely but since telling him nothing has changed. He never even asks how being on meds are making me feel.
    Yesterday I wrote him a lovely Christmas card and left it on the bed.
    He never said much.
    I asked if was doing one for me this year ( he started the card writing when we met) hd said no it's not environmental and not a tradition ( he has done 4 years in a row.
    I'm feeling so unloved and want to leave. But he insisted putting my ds in private boys school and I can't afford it on my own. Made such a mistake having z baby with him. Not even looking forward to the baby at all...

    Sorry this has been all over the place.
    Do you think I should just leave, I'm not happy with the no support or kind gestures. Feel like an idiot

  2. #2
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    Is there a reason he works so many hours? Can your finances be altered?

    That to me just strikes me as not being healthy long term for anyone.

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  4. #3
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    that sounds pretty horrible for you, you poor thing
    i second what boobycino has said, can you afford to get by if he gives up some of his work? 3 jobs is pretty extreme, and you will most definitely need his support when new bubs arrives!

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    Sorry but i aint seeing the problem. He doesn't buy you cards or make sweet gestures anymore? My DH used to, but not anymore, we've been together nearly 10 years. Sometimes life just gets in the way? How are other things in the relationship, sounds like he's working his a$$ off to provide for you and you are coming across as kinda ungrateful.

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    elleandsam  (21-12-2011),Jurty  (21-12-2011),The Fox  (21-12-2011),trishalishous  (21-12-2011)

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    Hi can I ask why he works 3 jobs? Is it for the money? If so he might just be tired etc after work and not eel upto much! I work one job and I'm buggered... Is therea way he can cut back?
    But I think u need I have a chat with him... Maybe see if u can do a "date night" once a wk or something ???

  8. #6
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    I have asked him to stop 1 or 2 of his jobs but he refuses. He told me 2 years ago that he had all our future plans financially worked out that he could stop the 3 jobs in a year. Tbh he is stuck in a routine and likes it to a point. I'm not into spending money rarely buy anything for myself. We have modest cars and furnishings.
    Not sure why you think I'm being ungrateful I just gave up my job to give him the baby he wanted.. He is never going to be here to even bond with it. I made it clear I needed to have support during my pregnancy and after.. He assured me that he would be there. Now I'm always at appointments on my own. This never was the plan. I thought once u wad pregnant he would rethink priorities but he hasn't and won't.

  9. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by V8 View Post
    Sorry but i aint seeing the problem. He doesn't buy you cards or make sweet gestures anymore? My DH used to, but not anymore, we've been together nearly 10 years. Sometimes life just gets in the way? How are other things in the relationship, sounds like he's working his a$$ off to provide for you and you are coming across as kinda ungrateful.
    A tad harsh?

    Sorry you are feeling unloved OP. It must be particularly hard when you are expecting.

    I agree with the first two posters about the stress of working three jobs - can something give there. It must be hard for both of you when it is swinging doors. That happens here sometimes and we end up quite narky with each other because it seems like we are literally throwing the kids and keys at one another and not having any time to chat/reconnect and relax.

  10. #8
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    The poor ******* is probably exhausted, as he has zero leisure time. Seriously, that's a full on workload.

    Things might be different if he worked less. Is that an option?

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    In light of yout second post, I think you need to put it to him thst you guys need more family time, and you can't keep going like this.

  12. #10
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    Is there are reason he's working three jobs?

    I'd talk to him about that - let him know that if it's too much for him, he can cut back/I'd look for work/we'll budget better...etc. Seriously, that's a LOT of working. No wonder he's uninterested in things - he's probably exhausted.

    As for the no gifts, etc, I get that... it sucks... but time seems to do that. There might be things you used to do for him that you no longer do/don't do as often as well. Even if it's just something you see as unimportant - like maybe when you first got together, you'd get more dressed up to see him, or shave your legs more often, or something small...

    It's what people do when relationships progress... they tend to slack off a bit after a while. Given he's working his butthole off, I think it's to be expected, and I don't think he deserves to be left for this. Why no foot-rubs or tea-making? Probably because he's flat-out tired.

    So, like I said... probably a good time to consider talking about cutting back his work commitments...


 

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