forgive me if this is a repost. the baby is due in 6 weeks and his family are coming to sydney (from melbourne). this is wonderful and i want them to feel included. however the brother and his gf who i barely know are expecting to stay at our place and the parents are staying an hours drive away from the hospital and our home and expect to be picked up and driven back to their accomodation every day. i feel infuriated. our plan was to stay in hospital together and learn as much as we can in a supportive environment. this is our first baby and we are clueless. i feel that his family are creating a massive imposition and he will never get this time back with this newborn.
am i being a hormonal cow? i no longer know anymore.
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20-12-2011 09:48 #1
oh no the in-laws
20-12-2011 10:04 #2
bl00dy inlaws - they usually cause more problems than bring support. I myself no longer speak with my in laws due to issues with them while they were staying at my house after the birth of our son - my MIL decided to tell exactly how badly i was doing everything & it blew up into a massive argument.
They (all family) should be there primarily to support you & secondary to see the baby during those early days. It takes at least 6 weeks for you to get settled with a baby & having any visitors staying (unless they are extremely supportive & understanding) is a huge strain. Even though it is great they want to see their grandchild, they should be a bit more considerate of you & your husbands time. there is no way your husband is going to want to leave the hospital unless he has to - especially for a two hour round trip each time he drives them somewhere.
The brother & GF should definitely not be staying with you, it is a recipe for disaster. If it is any indication of how difficult & busy those first weeks are with your bub, i don't think i even shaved my legs for the first few…it really is a difficult time even though it is such a special one, so you really dont want any extra pressure like visitors. Is there anywhere else they can stay.
The best advice I can give you is to try to PREVENT this problems before it happens by having your husband be the one to discuss it with his parents & tell them that he will be unable to pick them up every day as it would be too tiring for him but avis have some great car hire deals & they can pick the car up from the airport & drive themselves wherever they want etc etc.
Regarding the brother & GF, try to find a way to have them stay somewhere else. I mean, are they going to get vaccinated for whooping cough considering the epidemic & are they going to cook & clean after themselves while they are staying in your house. Night time with a new born is a busy time, they usually cry alot & demmand your attention & you will need your husband to help you with this so who will entertain them every night while you are getting into a routine? It just wont work & you dont need that extra pressure. This is such a precious time but it can turn a into disaster if you have too much going on.
Good luck & stay strong - better to be strong once in telling them to stay somewhere else than tho try over & over to ignore how annoying they are while they are in your house each day & taking away your precious time with your baby.
Last edited by Ulysses; 20-12-2011 at 10:07.
20-12-2011 13:38 #3Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
You need to stand up for yourself NOW!
Tell them how you feel and if they dont repect it then to bad!
You will never get this time back with bub and hubby and nor should neither of you be looking after anyone else but yourselves!
You need to enjoy this time and not be stress like you are sounding!
If they had half a brain they would know it would be to hard on you!
The exact reason my in laws are NOT finding out my CS date!
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20-12-2011 13:44 #4
The brother and gf can stay at the same place as the inlaws and they can all hire a car together!! Like $30 per day and they can split the cost! Or do you have 2 cars? They could borrow one? I would NOT have them staying at my house... Like pp said get your partner to tell them so your not the bad guy!
Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub app instead of cleaning the house!!
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20-12-2011 14:50 #5-
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
I agree - if you can, get his brother & gf to stay with his parents. Perhaps you could say that it will be more comfortable and quiet for them to stay elsewhere, because the baby may be screaming all night (that way it looks like you're doing them a favour)
I made visitors wait for quite a while before coming to visit and told them we just couldn't have people staying at our place because it was too small (that was my excuse anyway!)
I needed to be able to rest when baby slept, let the washing/dishes pile up, pull my top down to BF without having to be discreet, be tired and grumpy, but most importantly, get to know my baby and our new routine.
I also didn't realise how tired I'd be recovering from the birth (I had a PPH, so my iron was low for a while afterward).
Please don't feel like you're being unreasonable - you're not!
Last edited by 1234Guest; 20-12-2011 at 14:54.
20-12-2011 14:52 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
No you're def not being unreasonable.
As others have said, do something about it now!! You'll never get those first few weeks back!
20-12-2011 14:57 #7
I posted a few months back about my dad and step mum wanting to come and stay with us for the week I am due
I haven't said anything yet but just wanted you to know you are not alone!!!!
I am pretty much going to make out like I thought they were going to stay in accommodation else where and when they bring it up in conversation just act surprised and say insist that they can't stay with us! Lol....
Good luck to you and you are NOT being rude at all!!!!
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20-12-2011 17:00 #8
I wouldn't be having guests either, so would tell the BIL they can stay where the IL's are.
The first few weeks are a big adjustment. You are recovering from the birth, trying to sort out breastfeeding (if you plan to), trying to get to know your baby and you will need your DH there with you, not shuttling the IL's around the place! Plus, you will probably only want them around for a couple of hours a day. When baby is sleeping, you should be too, not having to entertain.
What does your DH think? If he is supportive, I would ask him to get the IL's to come when baby is a month old. That way you have time to recover, get yourselves sorted and be ready to show your baby off.
It is wonderful that they want to be involved, but from an outsiders perspective, it would appear they plan on spending a lot of time with you and you may not want that in the days after the birth. My Mum told me in hospital she would come and stay when I came home and I told her no! A) we are not close and B) I knew she would want entertaining, would tell me everything I was doing wrong, stress me out and wouldn't be much of a help.
My sister on the other hand, came for a week when DS was about 3 weeks old, bought a heap of frozen meals for us, cooked, cleaned, did the shopping and made me cups of tea. She helped, she didn't impose and it was wonderful to have her there as I had had an emergency c-section and DH could only take 1 week off as it was his works busy time.
So if your MIL would be like my sister, it could be a big help, but I would still suggest they wait a couple of weeks. If she would be like my Mum, keep her as far away for as long as you can!
20-12-2011 17:05 #9
I agree - they can:
a) come when baby is 6 weeks or however old you think you'll feel up to guests.
B) share accommodation and share a car
C) do whatever they want EXCEPT stay with you and expect to be driven around when your bonding with your newborn.
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22-12-2011 16:24 #10
Oh you poor thing, this is the last thing you & DH need to be doing or worrying about. I would tell them that you don't mean to be rude, however as it's your first buba, you'd prefer that no one stay as you'll be getting up during the night & want to learn how to feed bub without everyone there.
I can't believe they would be so inconsiderate & expect DH to go so far everyday! I'd suggest the BIL stay with them & they can make it in each day themselves, as you're going to both be tired & exhausted after being up all night looking after bub. Surely they'd understand? I'd be pretty upset over them even suggesting that. You poor things!
Good luck with it all! Hopefully DH will talk to them & sort it out for you. Let us know how you went with it all
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