I am the oldest of 6 ( although 2 are step sisters and have only recently been back in contact with after 12 years apart, so I will exclude them in this response).
Between me and my sisters and brother there is 10 years, 12 years and 15 years difference. Tbh I hate it. There is 4 years difference between my youngest sibling and my oldest daughter. The same age gap between DH and his younger siblings. We always agreed that we didn't want a massive gap between our children. There is 3 years between DD1 and DD2, and even though DD2 is only 18 months, they are best friends. They are always together. They rarely argue. If one is not at home (like when DD1 goes to daycare) the other walks around moping until they are together again. There has never been any jealousy between them.
Having said all that, we didn't expect their relationship to be so good. We didn't expect them to be best friends. we didn't go into the second pregnancy thinking "oh yay, now DD1 will have a best friend. They will never fight. They will always be with each other". It just happened to go like that. Which I am very grateful for.
Me + He = DD1 (2007), DD2 (2010) & BellyBaby due August 2012
Angel Baby 1 (July 2008) & Angel Baby 2 (October 2011)
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20-12-2011 09:27 #31
20-12-2011 09:34 #32Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
I think it depends really. My sister is 20 months younger than me and we are close. All of my siblings however are quite close with each other. Nearly everyone I know who has siblings close to their age are quite close with them. I actually don't know many people who do NOT get along with their siblings.. So I guess it depends on the person
I have a 2 yr 4 month gap between #1 and #2 and then a 13 month gap between #2 and #3 and I hope all 3 will be close
20-12-2011 09:40 #33Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
I am the 2nd eldest of 6 children- my older brother is 14 months older than me and was my fiercest protector growing up, my sister who is 3 yrs younger than me is now my best friend in the world, however we couldn't stand the sight of each other until I moved out of home. We just couldn't live happily under the same roof.
I am definitely closer to my closest 3 siblings. The youngest 2 in my family are 11 and 13 years younger than me and I find we don't have a lot of common ground.
20-12-2011 09:54 #34
There is 2 years between my older brother and myself. We got along really well when we were little...probably up until we were 5 and 7. After that we couldn't so much as stand the sight of each other. We had to be sent to seperate schools and kept apart as much as possible.
There is 2 years between myself and my younger brother. I think we were always somewhat indifferent to each other. We never got along really well or hated each other. We could at least be sent to the same school.
My kids have an almsot 3 year gap. They don't particuarly like each other but do play well together at times. They are still only young, 4 and 7. So i guess only time will tell how their relationship pans out.
20-12-2011 10:09 #35Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
I guess all parents hope their children are the best of friends no matter the age difference.
I wanted two close together so they could be at similar developmental ages and could enjoy playing together. I don't think it's a bad or naive thing to hope that your children get along at any ages.
20-12-2011 10:18 #36
I decided to have my two babies 2 1/2 years apart because I didn't want be much older when I had the 2nd (and maybe 3rd), also I want to get all the "baby years" out of the way (nappies, night feeds etc) rather than waiting until the first was 5yrs old and I have to 'start all over again'.
I HOPE that my two babies are close and have a good relationship growing up and as adults, but I know that they might clash and not be.
I can only think of 2 family members (and I have 20 first cousins in total) that hated their sibling and don't get along now. With the others, yes, they fought when young etc as most do, but all have grown to get along quite well!
20-12-2011 10:25 #37
I think it depends on the individuals themselves as well as the age, and partly the way they are raised.
DP's brother is only 2 years younger than him (20 & 18, you'd think they'd be good mates), but they've never got along, and I believe that's because of their parents. No one in their family is close.
My sister and I are 6 years apart. We were close when we were little, then drifted apart, and have only just become close again in the past couple of years.
I guess most siblings go through stages, too. Sometimes you're two peas in a pod, and sometimes the age gap seems like decades.
I know it's not entirely up to the parents, but I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure my babies are close
20-12-2011 13:51 #38
I don't understand this either. I have two like this my first two are 13 months apart,and while they have good days they also fight a fair bit. Who knows tho maybe as they get older they will get along better. I know my neighbours are very close in age and they are best of friends, and they are a boy and girl that are now like 27 and 28.
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20-12-2011 14:20 #39has left the building
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
Close in age definitely doesn't = will be close/best friends. I think it does come down to personality at the end of the day.
I have a 21 month age gap between my two and whilst i hoped they would be close i certainly wasn't considering it a guarantee (but that would be true for any age gap i think). For me it was more about having two children at similar ages so they would be interested in similar things and be at similar stages - i didn't want to be over the baby/toddler stage only to be thrown right into it iykwim? I find it easier in that they like the same kind of games, activities etc - when i babysit an older child i find it harder entertaining everyone as the older one doesn't want to play 'baby' games and the younger one is too young for the older games etc. I do think kids close in age are more likely to play together. Mine are good friends, DD1 says DD2 is her 'best friend' - it may not be that way forever but i will encourage them to look out for each other and hope they remain close.
20-12-2011 14:59 #40
There are 5 years between my sister and I and we do not get along at all. Like chalk and cheese. Completely different personalities. I definitely put that down to personalities and also our parents too. When we were younger she just used to make my life hell and get away with murder (she was loud, outspoken and I was quiet and shy). My DH has an older sister and younger brother, all 2 years apart and he absolutely does not and did not get on with either of them. It was fine until they got into the age where they started fighting, competing and hitting each other (around 4) and they just used to fight all through their childhood (it got worse once started school, all went to different highschools) and now as adults he hasn't spoken to his sister in 5 years and probably never will, due to a big falling out (she was weird, had a big jealousy issue with me), plus their relationship was never close, she just had a strange overbearing "I'm your older sister so i know best" attitude even at an old age (not healthy at all) and him & his brother just never kept contact after DH moved out because they just simply never got on, spoke or had anything in common. I would say in this instance a lot of it had to do with the parents fault and also then personality too.
I think it's important to try and hold your family close together and establish boundaries, respect and what is and isn't acceptable as sibling behaviour. As I would always strive to have children that love, respect & support each other throughout their lives.
My son is over a year old now, and I have no plans on having another baby until he is far more independant and not such a baby himself, as he is so very demanding and I just could not fairly split myself in 2 at this age, as my son needs me 100% and I am not going to rush into another just to have them close in age, or "over with" a so many do. I actually would love to have another baby and go through with it all again, with all my focus (plus with a little helper). And not to mention that I don't have the desire for another as I am just giving my all to my son and just can't imagine it at this stage of his life. I am thinking it may be around a 4-5 year gap, but who knows!
So to summarise, I definitely don't think small age gap = better chance at being close at all. It depends number 1 on parents, family dynamics and then personalities.
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