Thanks mrs tiggywinkle, I see I'm nit alone although I felt I was .
Ps - mumma inky you'll have to let me know how you go with trying out what your planning ! I'm starting tomorrow to see if there's any change , things can't keep going like this , night times are just a mess :-( xo
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DS -21 months
DD - 7 months
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18-12-2011 12:33 #21
18-12-2011 12:39 #22
18-12-2011 13:15 #23
Aw kitty I'm in a rush so can't make this a long reply but just want to say please don't think you are selfish, you are honestly one of the best mums and I don't blame you one little bit for wanting a bit of me time and early bedtimes!
You know DS used to be a night owl. For about 6 months he was never asleep earlier than 10pm. It sucked so I do understand about no couple time etc.
When we did get it sorted it's made such a difference and now he goes to bed early every night (no later than 8pm), so what I'm trying to say is if you can fix it, it might be hard to start with but then it will just become normal for your kids and you might find they sleep better overnight because they are getting more deep sleep before midnight.
I absolutely do wake DS, there's nothing mean about that at all. I would wake him at 7 if he ever slept that late which he doesn't, and I don't let him sleep past 4pm. For US I find it's harder to get him to sleep if he's over tired, so I get him to have good naps during the day if I can, and of course he has his own ideas about that!
Also, we have a very strict bedtime routine. Dinner at 5pm, nappy free time at 5.30 (DS' favourite time of day lol), bath at 6 and then he gets in his sleeping bag, curtains closed, milk and then bed. He normally falls asleep feeding but if not then I rock him/pat him. One rule is, once he goes into the bedroom, he's not coming out again till morning - but we never leave him to cry, we pat him, cuddle him, rock him as much as he needs
Good luck, please don't feel guilty about wanting a bit more sleep. You do such a great job on next to no sleep, I totally understand you wanting to change things.
Eta: perhaps you can work first on getting your DD to bed around 6.30ish. Then once you've got her sorted you could work on your DS. That way you're not trying to change two habits at once.
Last edited by duckduckgoose; 18-12-2011 at 13:22.
18-12-2011 13:47 #24
Oh miss kitty ... You are an AMAZING mum and don't you ever ever forget it!!
I wake mr magoo if he's sleeping too late, or if he naps too late ... We're in bed for 8pm at the moment because of my job and if he sleeps late in the morning the rest of the day is out and I hate it! I NEED my space, as you know dh works three jobs and doesn't get home til 2 in the morning so I really really need the hour or two quiet time after magoo is in bed ...
It WON'T hurt them to wake them early ... It really won't ... And I like majestics idea of sorting out missy and then working on mister ...
And yup, with mr magoo I have to have him RUNNING all day long to get him to bed on time ... He is NEVER in the pram now if I can help it ..
And just remember, you're only human
*** end of transmission ***
18-12-2011 15:02 #25
Quick reply cause dd will need a feed any minute & ds is running around.
My ds is nearly 5 and goes to bed nicely at 7pm. I forgot til dd arrived how late bed times for my ds were rough. When he was 12 - 24 months he was often going to bed later than me which was far from perfect, especially if my dh was away and couldn't do bedtime. The later his afternoon nap the later his bedtime. When he dropped from 2 daytime naps to 1 daytime nap the bedtime was earlier (?7:30pm) but within a few months it was back to 9:30 - 10pm. We did do controlled crying at 15 months - although he didn't have that many words he could understand quite well. We were at our wits end with exhaustion (rocking/patting/etc to sleep was taking 2+ hours at afternoon nap time, evening bedtime, and again in the middle of the night) and we were both working (me full time, dh full time job in 3 days of actual work/week). Controlled crying for the evening worked within 3 days and a week for they daytime nap. And he started sleeping through.
Now, my dd is often awake til 11pm, then starts stirring around 4:30am. Eik! It's hard work.
Speaking of my dd ... she wants milk. Sorry, will try & write more later.
18-12-2011 15:35 #26
HUGS!! You sound like you are doin a brilliant job and I can definatly understand why you don't want to do CC or equivalent!
Having bad sleepers is terrible, I have 1 bad sleeper who is DS1 he is 3&1/2 and I hate bed time routine with him!! He has gotten a lot better lately but formed some bad habits while DF was working away as DS2 was only 4 months so I used to let him get away with silly stuff while I was getting DS2 ready for bed. Then he would sleep in my bed so once DF came home it was horrible to try and get him Into a good routine!
I have always been strict with bedtime at 7 (before DF worked away and now again) we start bed time routine at about 5:30.. I put on cartoons and get DS1 to watch that quietly while I cook dinner - DS2 normally is playing somewhere. They eat dinner around 6/6:15 and then I run a bath, quick bath then I give them some milk on the couch, I then put DS2 in his bed (he has self settled since day 1 and doesn't cry very often) then I tackle DS1... We read 3 books laying in his bed with him then we tell him to close his eyes as we will check on him in 5 minutes - usually in that 5 minutes he falls asleep. It took a while to get there though we used to sit with him until he fell asleep and he was having a bottle in bed but recently I decided that he was old enough to not have them anymore! You will work something out that works for you... Sometimes it's just a long road!!
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18-12-2011 15:46 #27
I'd focus on your ds first and once his sleep is a bit better then you only have only child to worry about which is a lot easier. You could try waking him earlier (try 7am for argument sake) and see if it makes a difference. Enforce a very strict bedtime routine - bath, pj's, milk (if he still has it), story, clean teeth, bed and start it at the same time every day (where possible). We even went so far as to read the same book (The Sleep Book by Dr Seuss) for months on end. It's a long book, but it's all about sleep and we thought the connection would help. We then put our ds in bed, sleepy, but awake. We did do controlled crying (he had less than 10 words at the time) and I found it really difficult, but we couldn't manage. Now I've read about the camping out in the childs room method/etc and maybe we will try that with dd when/if the time comes instead of controlled crying.
On a side issue you seem worried about your ds not talking much. Have you had his hearing tested & his ears checked? My ds had fluid in his ears constantly and it delayed his speech and it made night times difficult - frequent waking. Once he got grommets (at 15 months) he added lots of new words quickly and slept better overnight with less waking up screaming (presumably he'd been in pain overnight). (yes, everything sort of happened at once). If everything is ok maybe you can try baby sign language to make it easier to communicate with him throughout the day.
Have you got anyone who can help you get some more rest during the day? If you're going to make any bedtime routine changes it can be rough and if you're at least well rested it will make it easier & quicker.
19-12-2011 19:42 #28
Sorry it's taken me so long to get beck on here I wanted to thank all the current people that have posted to me , I appreciate all the advice so much ! I know there's a thanks button but it just seems so impersonal :-D
Mim1 - Thank you for your post , I am concerned about ds's lack if speech . He has ear infections constantly but the ENT checked them and he only had a tiny bit if fluid in one ear , nothing to cause speech delay , my pead will re-assess at 2.5 because a) he wants to see how it pans out as he understands a heap , babbles etc just not talking and b ) we tried Speech therapy . He was just far too young , ran around so active in the tiny room like a lunatic trying to get out the door. The peas and speechie both agreed another ) months won't be detrimental to he's development if he does have an issue and hopefully by 2.5 he's developed abit more and would be more receptive and co- operative re- the therapy !
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DS -21 months
DD - 7 months
20-12-2011 22:15 #29
Sorry we've been sick so we didn't start yet, I'll wait til after christmas now....
After four days inside he had such terrible cabin fever tonight he was literally bouncing off the walls, floor and couch!
He kept putting DVDs in the DVD player, the first time I said "MR" very sternly and he looks to his 10 week old brother on the floor and shakes his head and says "NO!"
Then he does it again and I say 3! 2! 1! and he puts his hands in the air and makes rocket noises!
Thank god he has just crashed.... now I can clean up the bomb site he left here today!
21-12-2011 22:04 #30
I introduced sleeping times into ds1's routine early to work in with what time we needed to get up in the morning to start our day to get him to daycare so I could get to work. I have done the same with ds2, even though I had 12mths off after having him I still worked it so he's up at 6am to make it easier for when I go back to work in march.
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