I found out a few days ago that I'm pregnant for the 3rd time this year (I'm 4 weeks, 5days today)
I had a miscarriage in August at 5 weeks 3 days
Another miscarriage in October at 8 weeks 4 days
With each of our losses I had not announced the pregnancies just in case I had to unannounced then if anything was to go wrong fearing it would be too painful to do so. BUT this left me to suffer in silence. Our family members and friends have no idea what we've been through and I'm not sure if it's too late to tell them what happened any way.
My partner is completely against announcing this pregnancy at least until I start showing at around the half way point. This is leaving me to feel as though if this pregnancy were to go wrong like the others we would again be suffering in silence with no one knowing what's going on and what we are going through.
So I am feeling as though I want to tell everyone this time and if the worst happens then I can tell everyone what's happened and then at least my family is aware of our horrible experiences rather than sitting back and being none the wiser to our struggles and heart ache. I figure maybe if I tell them something along the lines of "hey, guess what we are pregnant again! We aren't sure what's going to happen with this pregnancy - we've already lost two this year but we are just letting you know that we are indeed pregnant again so you know what's going on"
What do you think I should do, announce or not?
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15-12-2011 11:01 #1
To announce or not to announce?
15-12-2011 11:08 #2Bubhub Ambassador - tongue in cheek
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Personally I'd announce. It's a horrible thing to go through on your own I wouldn't mention the last two though unless something did go wrong with this one or unless it comes up in discussion of this pregnancy.
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15-12-2011 11:15 #3
We have been through the same thing. And we just found out we are expecting number 3 (I'm 4 weeks, 4 days). DH doesn't want to tell anyone "just in case" but I do, at least my mum and mil. I have told my sil and best friend but they don't have kids so while they can try to offer support, neither of them really knew how to deal with the situation. I don't see anything wrong with telling immediate family and very close friends. Announcing it on Facebook etc is probably not the best idea, but having those closest to you aware means they can share your joy and in the event something did happen they can share your burden. Make it clear to them you don't want anyone else knowing until YOU are ready to share the news.
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15-12-2011 11:17 #4
Hugs I'm really hoping you have a wonderful trouble free pregnancy. I don't know what the answer is. I lost my DD at 24 weeks a few months ago and now I'm pregnant again but haven't told anyone. I think I'm trying to protect myself but I know I will need support if anything happens.
You have already been through so much, I think you should pick a few people who you know will give you great support and explain what you have already been through this year. Sometimes people say the wrong thing so that's why I would be selective about who you tell.
Sorry if that's a ramble, good luck xx
15-12-2011 11:40 #5
I told with my pregnancies. My theory was that I would need support from my family etc to get through it. I also didn't want to explain after the fact why I was so moody etc. if people knew I hoped they would be supportive and understanding.
15-12-2011 11:44 #6
I always tell my mum! She is the best for support through the good and the bad and then it's off my chest and I feel less stressed!
15-12-2011 11:58 #7
We told our parents and my best friend at the beginning so we would have support if something went wrong. We told the rest of our family and friends at 12 weeks.
I did have to tell my manager at 6 weeks because I was so sick, I had to explain why.
15-12-2011 13:02 #8Member
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- Nov 2011
I told everyone when I was pregnant a couple of years ago and then had a mc so had to then tell everyone what had happened which I found really hard. I was very glad for my mum's support at the time though. This time I have only told a couple of close friends and my mum. I'm glad I have because I had a real scare a couple of days ago and was very glad for the support from them. An us yesterday showed that I have a happy little jellybean though and hoping that will continue. We are 7+3 weeks now. It's a very personal choice but I'm much closer to my mum now since the mc, especially since finding out she also had one. It is also nice to talk with someone who has had kids about all the things that are happening. Pregnancy is so emotional anyway and it helps to have a confidant.
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15-12-2011 13:16 #9Senior Member
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- Apr 2011
Sorry to hear about your previous losses, AlwaysTheQuietOne
From my own experience, I would tell your parents/in-laws, and ask them to keep it quiet.
We lost one earlier this year, and as well as dealing with grief, we had to deal with MIL's insensitive, clucky hinting. She didn't know she was being insensitive though (or that we were TTC). We had kept it secret.
When we got the 2nd BFP, we ended up telling our parents around 6.5 weeks. I don't regret it at all, and still would have done the same thing if we lost this one. Sometimes it's nice to have people walk on eggshells around you, rather than putting on the brave face!
15-12-2011 15:11 #10
I am in a similar position to you, although we are a bit further along now. This is also my 3rd pregnancy this year. I had an ectopic in May and then a miscarriage due to chromosomal abnormalities in July. We didn't tell anyone about either pregnancy and when I lost them obviously found it hard to have to tell my friends that we were pregnant and now, not, but you have to get support somewhere, no matter how hard it is to say.
This time around I told my best friend and sister-in-law (who I am close to) early on. We then told close family and friends after the 12 week scan, but have not told anyone else, although it is starting to get a little hard to hide (I will be 18weeks on Saturday). I am not sure what our plan is from here. Maybe after the 20 week scan we will feel more comfortable that everything is working as it should do and we may make a FB announcement, but I am not sure...
Best of luck with your current pregnancy, I have my fingers crossed for you xx
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