For me it was easy! I was given my fathers surname as my parents were married at the time, 5yrs later they divorced and my father was more out then in my life. My younger brother has fathers surname also and hates it because he doesn't want to be associated with such a low life! He has talked about changing HIS surname if he gets married.
Both I and our 2 dd's have taken on my husbands name and bub#3 will also. My husband is nothing like my father and my children will hopefully grow up proud of their surname and the family unit that we are
Their are 100 different situations and I think YOU most of all have to be confident and happy with the decision you make
View Poll Results: Should children have their father's surname?
- 92. You may not vote on this poll
Yes, he is the father regardless and deserves that respect.
No, they should almost always have their mother's surname.
It depends on what BOTH parents prefer.
Only if the man is a regular in the child's life.
Not if the mother doesn't want it to be.
Not if they're not a couple when the mother has the baby.
Other (please tell!)
WTF? This poll has stupid options! (Shut up - I couldn't think of any better ones! lol)
10-12-2011 00:04 #51
10-12-2011 00:47 #52
my case is a bit different but i'll answer anyway. xp and i were going to give the kids her surname. it's less teasable than mine. if/when we married i was also going to take it for the same reason.
if i have kids single they'll get my name, tha'ts a given. part of hte whole sperm donor thing is they provide sperm- not a name, not on the birth cert, no contact unless we arrange it when the kid is a teenager and wants to trace their roots, and only then if everyone is agreeable..
if i repartner (when, hopefully!) then i'll have to see.
but even in hetero relationships no, i absolutely don't believe the dad's name should be automatic. not at all. yick. if the mum wants the dad's name to be there, that's a different story.
10-12-2011 05:01 #53
In the absence of consensus to the contrary, yes, I believe they should.
10-12-2011 05:16 #54Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
I intensely regret giving my kids MOTH's surname only. DD has often expressed the desire to have Mummy's name too - its an identy thing for her, and I'm not changing my name and dumping my identity
We are about to change DD's name to have both our surnames hyphenated
10-12-2011 07:22 #55
I think it's really a matter of personal circumstances.
In my situation, I took DH's name when we married because it was more important to him that I did, than it was to me to keep my own. Plus, I wanted to have the same name as any children. So we all have the same surname. If we were ever to divorce, I would keep his name. not sure what I would do if I remarried.
But, if I had been single, any kids would have been given my name.
If I was in a long term relationship, their fathers.
If we broke up during pregnancy, mine.
I don't believe it should be automatic. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men out there who display absolutely no interest in their children. I don't believe they should be entitled to pass their name along if they are not going to actively participate in their child's lives.
Simply passing on a name does not make you a father, and I think more men need to realise this.
10-12-2011 07:22 #56
10-12-2011 07:37 #57
I think that if the father is an active part of the child's life then yes, they should have his surname. Its just the way I was brought up. I Have my fathers surname and my parents divorced when I was 5. My mother tried to hyphenate it to include her re married name and I hated that and it offended my dad.
When I was pregnant with ds I had only known my.partner 2 months. He broke it off with me at 12 weeks pregnant but I decided to still give the baby his surname (mind you dp had said he wanted baby to have my name). He is a lovely guy and very much a part of ds life. Turns out I made the right decision because now we are going to get married.
If the father was a deadbeat or not present then baby would have my name. I have no problems with other couples giving the baby the mothers last name or hyphenating. Just not something would readily do myself.
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10-12-2011 08:12 #58Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
My DD1 has my surname. Her bio dad and I broke up while I was pregnant and hasn't been in her life at all. His surname is irrelevant to her, in fact she has never even asked what it is.
DP is now a dad to both my children so DD2 (his bio child as well) has my DP's name. It just seemed fair to have one of each. (hypenating was not an option, it just sounded to much of a mouthful).
DP actually considered taking my name, just to keep it simpler. But his family were most unimpressed, and it didn't seem worthwhile pushing the issue.
10-12-2011 08:19 #59
10-12-2011 08:21 #60
i had my mum's and dad's last name.. in saying that though i did end up dropping my mum's just because it was too long. now im married i dont have to worry about that though :P
i dont think it really matters though. my step sister, although the father of her son is actively in their lives (they arent together though, but were when he was born), gave her son her last name and not his dads.
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