I think it depends on the circumstances. DS has my partners name. It never even came up. Even picking names I made sure they suited his name.
We are together n so far as I can tell it's not going to change. I see no reason to even think twice.
If we weren't together however, it would have most likely been my surname no questions bout it either.
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View Poll Results: Should children have their father's surname?
- 92. You may not vote on this poll
Yes, he is the father regardless and deserves that respect.
No, they should almost always have their mother's surname.
It depends on what BOTH parents prefer.
Only if the man is a regular in the child's life.
Not if the mother doesn't want it to be.
Not if they're not a couple when the mother has the baby.
Other (please tell!)
WTF? This poll has stupid options! (Shut up - I couldn't think of any better ones! lol)
09-12-2011 19:31 #11
09-12-2011 19:32 #12
I wasn't sure hoe to vote, so I said not if the mother doesn't want it to be, or however it went. I didn't want to say it depends on both parents because I did not ask her father's opinion since I don't give a rat's you-know-what how he feels about it. It's the family name, so she has the name the rest of her family has.
09-12-2011 19:35 #13Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
I really wasn't sure which option to select and was tossing up between the option 'where both parents agree' and 'not in they are not a couple' one.
I went with the latter but it doesn't sit right with me but none of them were 100% what I think.
I think each situation is different but like most people in a relationship I just automatically gave DS my DH's surname. I never questioned the decision, in fact it wasn't really a decision as there was never a question about it, it just happened.
I am happy for DS to have DH's surname and even if we ever broke up DH would be a constant in our son's life as he is one of the most devoted fathers I have ever met so the surname issue is never likely to cause any upset or stress.
From my professional experience I would suggest that anyone who isn't in a committed relationship when they have a child should give the child their surname as it is stressful, costly and often difficult to have a child's surname changed later on.
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09-12-2011 19:36 #14-
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
Different families, different circumstances.
For me, my boys have their fathers name, we were in love and in a stable relationship at the time our kids were born. It wasn't even discussed, it was what felt right for us, we had plans of marrying and all sharing the same name. That didn't wuite go to plan but I don't regret the boys having their fathers surname, he is still very much involved in the boys lives.
I had my biodad's surname, Once my mum left him he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with my sister or I. My mum applied for my stepdad to adopt me so I could take on his surname (which was what we all wanted) but he didn't accept that agreement even after having nothing to do with us, I don't know what he was trying to prove. Once I turned 18 I legally changed my name to my stepfathers surname. I was enrolled into school under my stepdads name though, and went by his surname from when I was young, even my taxfile was under his surname but I had to have my bank accounts under my biodads surname.
If DP and I were to have more children they would have his name, DSS has his fathers name too.
I selected "It depends on what BOTH parents prefer." but i think "Only if the man is a regular in the child's life." applies aswell.
09-12-2011 19:39 #15
i really think it depends on the situation, brothers step daughter has both her dad's and mum's surnames hyphenated. They were going to add my brothers last name to it as well, but it would have been long...and now she doesn't want it anyway...
09-12-2011 19:42 #16
I think it depends on what both parents want, if both parents are responsible for the child. I am married but did not change MY surname. My kids do have his though.
09-12-2011 19:44 #17
Damn it you didn't allow for multiple answers....I should have just clicked 'WTF' LOL Instead I clicked BOTH parents. But I also believe that if the father isn't going to be in the child's life and/or you're not together when the child is born that it should be up to the mother.
There shouldn't be any rules to this.
09-12-2011 19:44 #18
I am with Ana in that I never really questioned it - I just did what I'd always thought was "what you do."
I didn't know that DD's father was going to be a loser and abandon her and never contact her/not pay child support/etc etc... I thought that even if we broke up oneday, he'd be there for her... so I had no issues giving her his name anyway.
I kinda regret it now though, even though I couldn't have known it'd be this way. She doesn't WANT his surname. She doesn't see him, she doesn't hear from him, he abandoned her and she knows it. It's not even like her cousins on his side (who she adores) have the same surname... she pretty much knows nobody with the same surname who is also a part of her family. (There are people, but nobody who actually keeps in contact with her).
She wants my surname.
I'm actually at a loss about what to do in future with future children. The idea that DD will be the odd one out if I marry, take on DPs name and our kids have that name too... it makes my heart hurt for her. I am thinking of making her "known as," my surname (so not legally changing it, but using it anyway) and maybe just keeping my own surname/hyphenating my name to include both DPs and mine if we marry... so DD will have part of me in her name, and so will my other kids. Even though my name will then be ridiculously long. lol.
09-12-2011 19:47 #19
09-12-2011 19:47 #20
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