My ex did the exact same thing. He left his email account open on the computer and i read the emails. It was quite sickening and with it all came the realisation that i didn't even know the guy.
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10-12-2011 09:16 #31
11-12-2011 16:12 #32Junior Member
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- Feb 2010
Last edited by Numb; 28-06-2013 at 14:41.
12-12-2011 10:35 #33
i had a similar discovery of betrayal a few years ago and felt exactly the same as you stated above. He was so ashamed he asked me not to tell anyone and it was horrible - I understood him wanting it kept secret from our friends, of course, but it meant I felt terribly alone and felt I had to carry this huge burden on my own with no one to help me work it out. It felt so unfair.
I chose to stay as well and I'm glad I did, but i still do not trust him, and our relationship will never have that innocence again. It changes. I do, however, feel that I finally know him warts and all and that has led to a greater intimacy.
Good luck with the counselling. It helped us enormously, I hope it helps you too.
12-12-2011 13:23 #34
I stayed for a long time after I discovered my husband's infidelity. His actions stemmed from a lack of self esteem that I could never help him with. I thought I could deal with it all, until he turned to drugs (steroids) in a way to change his body into what he thought would be the "perfect" body. These made him aggressive and that was when I left him - violence I WILL NOT stand.
I wish you and your husband all the best of success in getting through this. As a psychologist I can only recommend counseling, but find someone you really feel you can talk to. Share the burden if you can.
12-12-2011 15:15 #35
i hope that you and your DH are able to work through this.
As some others have said, they have and it is working - although it is a little 'different' than before.
Having not been in your situation - it is difficult for me to know how i'd react etc. but there is rarely a right or wrong.
If you're feeling comfortable with your decision - and it appears that your DH has been very open with you, then i wish you all the happiness in the world.
12-12-2011 15:37 #36Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
- North QLD
It is entirely possible that the fantasy is arousing but the reality is not.
I think it common for people to be aroused by the thought of say (for example) group sex situations, and may even like to tease people involved getting a sense of being desirable and exciting yer would never actually partake in the activity.
While I dont know if this is the case, I think it a possibility that could be considered thus reinforcing that he has not cheated and he is not gay. I suggest talking it through (allbeit very embarrasing for him)
12-12-2011 18:06 #37
12-12-2011 18:43 #38
Your DH sound like he is a very confused person!
I would be getting the counseling and trying to figure out where this inquisitive part of him has come from.
I have to wonder why he said the he started this email account because he wasn't getting s3x at home!
If it was all just about s3x, would he not have been chatting with other women?
I really think he needs to address the fact that he is married to you, but also attracted to men!
I have known a couple of men who were married but in s3xual relationship with other men also. It became a very big mess with a lot of people hurt!
I hope you get some answers soon.
Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub app because I am too lazy to get off my *** and go to the computer!
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